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Author Topic: Today isn't such a good day for us...  (Read 941 times)
almostvegan
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« on: January 06, 2013, 07:05:29 PM »

Big family get together this morning. Went ok. Then after, we went to my dh sisters house: loads of cousins hung out together everyone was having a nice time, playing basketball and riding bikes when d ( who just sat on the sofa all day) decided it was time to go.  She started sending me text messages " I'm tired. I'm bored. Can we go now?" I was in the same room and I ignored the phone. Then she starts talking about this optional major project she's taken on that has nothing to do with her classes. Note that she's way behind in her schoolwork and any time spent on no. School things is just taking up more time for no reason. My mil started telling her the same lecture we have been telling her. Of course no effect. She couldn't care less. The. She starts insisting how she refuses to go away with us on vacation bc she won't leave her pet at a boarder. In our opinion that's not an option. She cannt stay home alone ( she's 16) and there's no one who can take her. Mil offered but she works full time and that would mean d would be alone all day not doing any work at all. A s it is we must hound her to do any work. So now she's grouchy at us and getting nasty to her siblings because she " got put into a bad mood". No accountability of course.

So we go home a couple hours later and she is " so exhausted" ( as usual). So she does an hour of school work and says " oh I did so much work today!" Now she's off to take what will be a TWO HOUR bath ( typical). When she gets out it will be " too late " to do any work so she'll play with her pet and go to bed and likely will not wake up until 10 am and then will have yet another totally unproductive day. I'm so sick of her. We have struggled for years bc of her. We bent over backwards to occomodate her needs even stayed in our tiny ny apartment bc we were afraid to rock her boat and take her out of her comfort zone. Now our whole family is miserable  and in a ROTTON mood and I know tomorrow will bring no relief bc she has zero desire to change.

I'm just so disgusted with her.

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« Reply #1 on: January 06, 2013, 08:11:23 PM »

Sorry you day ended the way it did.  Your story was so relatable.  Dd was terrible about getting her school work done when she was at home.  She would sleep late do nothing all day and even liento me that she did work.  We had the school set up home tutoring which was done through her classification.  We had to push for it but we finally got it.  This helped a lot because she not only had tutors coming everyday for two hours but she was accountable for getting her work done.

I also can identify with your angry feelings. Both my husband and I have felt that way.  I have had many nights where I went to bed disgusted and not looking forward to the next day. Does your dd respond to rewards like if she completes work you can do something special?  I found that sometimes worked with my daughter

Griz
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onetiredmom

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« Reply #2 on: January 06, 2013, 09:55:23 PM »

I can totally relate!  Exhausted, up all night, sleeps all day, "overwhelmed" by obligations but does nothing, getting texts "I shouldn't have to listen to these people" at family gatherings, victim stance, borrowed illnesses, etc.  It is amazing the similarities in behaviors! 

I still can't wrap my brain around where it comes from - I miss the daughter I used to have!

The good news is, 18 isn't far away and you can ask her to move! 
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« Reply #3 on: January 06, 2013, 11:24:19 PM »

Oh, how I understand you!

My son is 15 and he stopped working at school 2 months ago. For him, rewards don't work at all. He just says he "doesn't agree with our society". These kids suck all our energy from us, don't they? We are so tired too, and, also, my husband and I sometimes argue about what to do, or because something is "your fault", no... .  "your fault"... .  How sad!

Just try to survive, try to keep your optimism going, take a little time for yourself every day.

Thinking of you.

 Survive

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almostvegan
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« Reply #4 on: January 07, 2013, 09:53:17 AM »

Thanks everyone.

She doesn't respond to rewards and no consequences have ever made a bit of a difference. Today it's been the same garbage:she took an hour for breakfast and then 30 minutes on the couch. My husband works from home. I think he's going to run away. He just said " the hell with her. She gets whatever she wants and still treats us like this. We are moving to suburbs. If she kills herself so be it". He's so angry he even asked me to leave him alone ( nicely).

Now she's gone to her math tutor. At least we have 30/40 minutes away from her.

I can't stand my family life. So much therapy. So much training and learning. And still I see her future as a minimum wage job living with us.

I could never throw her out at 18. I wish I could but I can't. She'd be on the streets or worse and I would be the blame. I could never live with that.

Feeling so hateful now. Thanks everyone for listening.

Peace to you all.
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Survive2012
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« Reply #5 on: January 07, 2013, 10:09:46 AM »

Almostvegan,

Don't be too afraid of the anger you feel. I think everyone of us has, sooner or later, felt like you do today.

Personally, I work at home and, when my son doesn't want to go to school, I really have a hard time trying to work as our home is small and he puts the tv on or waits behind me for the computer (while I am trying to work on it). So, I understand your husband too. We too have a horrible family life now, and it is a pity for the four of us.

BUT, remember, there always IS hope. Try to be as calm as possible and try to solve one problem after the other.

Maybe you could send her away for one vacation? (We sent our son for a 5 days vacation during the Xmas holydays and our home was so warm and easy to live in). It would be good for her and for you.

Thinking of you,

Survive
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« Reply #6 on: January 07, 2013, 11:41:10 AM »

Hi Almostvegan,

Sorry that the stress is so hard on all of you.  I can relate.  Our ds is 18 and I couldn't see him on the streets either.  They would eat him up and spit him out in mere minutes.  My fault I guess for coddling a bit too much.  He is starting back to school today, Christmas break finally over.  It actually hasn't been too bad.  It was way worse a year ago.  The only minor skirmish was the out of control phone call to his dad cell phone berating him for not have a solid black tie.  DH doesn't own one but ds does.  DS couldn't find his, which is definitely in his room but hard to find under all the mess.  We were driving home after being at work all day, he was getting ready for a friends dinner out.  Nothing like planning ahead and making sure  where the items were.  We were almost home so I said to hubby let me deal with it.  I have been reading books and wanted to try affirmation for the first time. Conversation went:  ds: dad is such a %^&* because he doesn't have a solid black tie. Me: I know you feel annoyed that you aren't able to find your tie and that a solid black tie is what you want ds: yes now I don't have anything to wear ME: lets have a look and see if we can find one of dads that is pretty close to all black ds: ok , he then goes to look and come out with a dark one that has just a hint of a blue line in it Me: wow that looks almost all black and that hint of blue goes with you beautiful blue eyes ds: smiles, and says ya I am pretty good looking huh, Sorry dad... .  after that off he went... .  so I got to practice on a not so big thing, or something that would not be very big to a non bp.

All this to say Almostvegan that we do feel relief when he is gone to work, school, out with friends.  I do feel guilty about feeling like that.  If my hubby had his way he would be gone, I just know he is emotionally, socially and not street wise at all so I would just worry non stop. 

Take good care of yourself.   OneSock
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Eclaire5
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« Reply #7 on: January 07, 2013, 12:25:37 PM »

Totally agree with all of you: it’s such a relief when they are not home. However, it is almost unbearable to think of just throwing them out on the street. We placed our daughter in a residential program when she was 17 y/o but ran away from it because “she was mistreated by all the hard work they had to do”. We didn’t hear from her in almost a month and such worry almost put me in the hospital. She is now 20 and living in her own, but we help her with her rent while she provides the rest through her job at a beauty salon. Life is so much easier now that she is not at home, and even though helping her with rent is a few hundred dollars per month, the amount is totally worth it. There is no way I could keep my sanity and health if she moved back in... .  
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Reality
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« Reply #8 on: January 07, 2013, 09:18:04 PM »

Dear almostvegan,

How are things going for you?  It is altogether so draining.  It is like we have pipes running out of our body all over and the energy is just oozing out the pipes.  Not easy! 

I hope something will improve for you.  A little break for you and your dh.

I will be wishing some lovely peace for you.

Reality
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« Reply #9 on: January 08, 2013, 02:12:54 AM »

Dear almostvegan -

The exhaustion is the worst part isn't it? For us, it was like we were these zombies "walking on eggshells"... .  I can laugh a bit now but when we were in the middle of living with our dd19 it was hell. My nonBPD son started saying things like "you're always grumpy" and "how come you never smile anymore?" And no, rewards, contracts, etc did not work, only made her feel more "controlled". Boundaries about feeling safe, not wanting to eat in a tense environment, not wanting to have criminals have access to our family... .  all ignored. Her pain was too great.

So our dd left just after she turned 18, tried to come home a couple of times, go back to school, then quit trying and left pretty much permanently almost a year ago. But she had been running away from time to time for awhile. From reading these posts, I would guess maybe 20% of pwBPD's are oppositionally defiant enough to want no boundaries whatsoever, because they are so angry at who they cannot be at home they want to be someone else in the world.

My dh wanted to set her up in an apartment, but there were all kinds of problems with that... .  the main one being that we would be liable for what she did there, and who she had as friends, etc. She did not hang out with a nice crowd. She believes sex offenders when they tell her they were framed. She smokes a lot of weed. She has no job. All bad, nothing we could support.

Yes terrible things happened to her each time she left that we could not prevent. But she was not scared enough to stop leaving, because it was a death wish... .  her Russian roulette form of attempted suicide.  Home felt like a backwater prison to her after all of her experiences, and she said more than once she didnt care if she died. Somehow she survived. I'm really not sure it was a good thing, as hard as that is to say, because her future is very bleak. But time will tell, maybe she will find her way.

So in spite of the fact that your dd drives you crazy, doesnt do much, and has your family in lockdown, my guess is that she really does not want to leave home... .  she fights to figure out who she is... .  and is scared of the answer.

So move to the suburbs, shake things up, try new stuff with her, volunteer work (we paid our dd to volunteer in a law clinic) send her on a community service trip ( ours was non religious) include her in discussions but let her know that there is a set time limit for each topic and then go on to something else... .  your ace in the hole is that she wants to be with her family.

And block her number from your phone except for certain hours of the day... .  that's what will keep you sane.

FM

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griz
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« Reply #10 on: January 08, 2013, 06:52:16 AM »

almostvegan:  I have felt the same way as you many times.  The anger in me was enough to kill a small army and yes every member of my family has felt it too.  I remember one day texting a message to my dh that just said I HATE HER and then I cried for two days not believing I was capable of ever saying those words.  My husband has also had moments where he has said he is done and doesn't care anymore and my older daughter has become so angry at times that she would just disconnect from us and stay in her room.  I guess the truth is that we hate the moment we are in, we hate what BPD is doing to our lives, we hate what BPD is doing to our child, we hate would BPD is doing to our family, we hate what BPD is doing to our dreams.  I use to hate myself for the feeling that I had but now I just accept them.  This is not the life I envisioned for myself and as I sit here typing away at my desk in my office at the ungodly hour of 7am I know that it okay to feel this way.  I don't like it but it really okay.

Griz
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« Reply #11 on: January 08, 2013, 07:07:44 AM »

Excerpt
So in spite of the fact that your dd drives you crazy, doesnt do much, and has your family in lockdown, my guess is that she really does not want to leave home... .  she fights to figure out who she is... .  and is scared of the answer

This quote from FM hits home, I am sure for most of us.  It is their truth.  It is their fear and pain that pressed them to push back, and shut down.

Dear Almostvegan,

I am guessing most Dictators have BPD.  Even the biggest house can feel tiny when living with a pwBPD.  But, to physically have to be so close, confined, adds enormously to the daily stress for non's.

One thing that I took to heart, was a post from Being Mindful, about setting boundaries to honor the self.  It is not so much about the BPD, but about taking steps to take back our lives, to live again, a step at a time.  Firm, yet loving statements like, I will not answer multiple, or abusive texts.  When you can let me know in a calm conversation, what you are feeling, thinking, I will talk with you.  You live your life, and like when they were little babies, we had to, from time to time, let they cry themselves to sleep so they could learn to sleep through.  She will fuss and fight, and pull at your last nerve.  But if you pick up that crying baby, she will be sleeping in you bed for the rest of her life! ha.


I can ONLY do one little thing at a time.  But the biggest thing is not to be frantic about her.  I am speaking with her T about options like a RTC for adults dd is 19.  She needs to get out of our house, it is not good for her here.  Too many old habits.  I thought I would tell her that this is like college for her emotions.  She has to get that in order before she can move on.

I hope you can find one thing, one step that is just for you, that you can stick to.  We are here for you when you weaken, and wnat to give in and pick up that crying baby.

mik
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almostvegan
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« Reply #12 on: January 08, 2013, 12:26:56 PM »

FM you're totally right! She does wNt to be with her family! She's not like those teens who hate their families and can't wait to get away. Happens to be we consider ourselves pretty good parents. Her T always tells her ( and us!) how on her road to recovery we are her greatest asset. I believe she appreciates and loves us. Of course the BPD gets in the way but I guess I can't ask for Everytjing huh? I think a large part of her problems is that she feels TOO safe here at home. No desire to leave the nest. No need to succeed in achieving an independent life. I think we make it too easy for her. We've " picked up that crying baby" way too much. Now we're stuck with a 16 yo who " sleeps in our bed"! What great analogies MIK!

I've tried to set boundries her whole life. I've tried to set consequences. The only thing that has ever worked has been well... NOTHING! She isn't effected by these at all. Even the dire natural consequence of being tossed out of school had no dilatarious effect. She was THRILLED  ! So now she does an online high school which is why it's so hard to get her to be productive. Nothing motivates her. We've set schedules. We've set rewards. Nothing works. She will graduate when she's 37 at this rate! Ugh it makes us so mad!im not afraid of the feelings I have towards her. I know the feelings are ok. I just wish it could be different. I've totally accepted that this is what it is for us. Still I wonder what it would be like to have a typical teen. I'd do anything to have that I'm sure you all know that feeling.

Griz I've sent those same texts to my husband. I'm sure we all have. Had she not been INFECTED with this illness shed be pleasant to be with! She's intelligent and witty and often sweet. She's kind and loving. But the BPD overshadows it all and I feel gathered and animosity towards her on a regular basis. Especially these last weeks when she accomplishes nothing and makes demands on our family.

You're all such wonderful listeners and I get so much comfort from your responses. Thank you all.

Wishing everyone a peaceful day

almost vegan. 
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mikmik
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« Reply #13 on: January 09, 2013, 07:02:08 AM »

Almostvegan,

Arrgghh, with BPD, as one poster put it, takes our hopes.  It isn't like we had to deal with a birth defect (not wanting to trade, by any means), but when your child is born with it, and it is there, diagnoised, there is a plan.  You adjust your life and theirs from the beginning.  We had YEARS of promise, hope, smiles, plans, and only then did BPD take our children.  How cruel is that.  And it is something than it seems, nobody could diagnosis, and it is resistant to treatment on top of it all.  There is no pill, nothing makes sense.

But, back to my idea (actually Being Mindful's) of the boundary.  The boundary is for you, not her.  IT is to honor your space, your want, your desire, your plan.  It is something you do for you, and even though the baby may cry and try to distract you, you must stay the course and do that for you.  Don't make the boundary about her.  All too much is about her.  Take back a few minutes of your life, Your Life, each day.  Be selfish, for those minutes, whether it is what you want for dinner, a pedicure, going out for a glass of wine with a compassionate friend, reading a book in the bathtub.  Whatever it may be.  And if she responds negatively to you doing something for you, that is when the boundary applies.  Don't pick up the baby, just for that piece of time that is for you

We all get lost in the darkness of BPDland.  It sucks out the essence of who we were as young women.  It marks our faces with lines of weariness, it colors our hair gray.  But, we have to be here for each other, and remind each and every parent on this board, that we are still those vibrant indviduals who are worthy of happiness.  We just need to readjust and redefine what we need to bring us some joy

mik
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almostvegan
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« Reply #14 on: January 09, 2013, 11:40:15 AM »

I hear you. Great words of advice. Now if I could find the strength to be able to adhere.

Running away helps sometimes right? Problem

Is we always have to come home!

Sigh... .  
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Reality
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« Reply #15 on: January 09, 2013, 05:25:35 PM »

New neural pathways... .  you know boundaries create new life for us, don't they?  Because it is very easy for me to feel sorry for myself right now, which is such a waste, I force my smashed brain, body and soul to get with the new program, as clearly my life is not at all the way I thought it would be.  I am smashed.  Nonetheless, there is neuroplasticity, which means I can create new neural pathways, new life habits, visions, new reality.

I guess in a way we create a new reality for ourselves constantly.  It is just when there is a major shift, it feels like one is trying to move a mountain weighing on top of oneself.  Nonetheless, every moment lived a new way strengthens a neural synapse, repeated over time, new visions. 

Maybe like Neil Young prefers to record and use the first take of a song, there is something powerful about the first try.

I think we have our darlings, the canaries in the mineshaft,  warning us all, friends and foe alike, that something is amiss... .  big time. 

For some reason, we are the trailblazers.  It takes great energy and courage. 

Yikes!

Reality

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« Reply #16 on: January 09, 2013, 07:48:07 PM »

I am so glad to have this site for support. I am living just like all of you. My husband & I barely speak. Our dd 16 is leaving for college in 7 months. Oh God I cannot wait! She is driving us insane. When she leaves The rest of us are looking forward to vacations without her. I want to sell the house as soon as she goes & buy a new one that will be most uncomfortable for her to return to. And you know what? I do not feel one bit guilty for saying this!

Keep on keepin on people. Whatever gets us through!
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« Reply #17 on: January 10, 2013, 09:43:27 AM »

We live a very peaceful life - between our dd's phone calls, texts, dramas, and visits.  In a 15 hour span of time visiting she can disrupt more sleep, cry more tears, blame more things then I can invent and I become someone I don't even want to know!  At least in my mind.  Everything I do is wrong according to her - she rants and blames and it lands on me.  Today I even used the bathroom at the wrong time.  I pay for this house! 

Man she gets to me.  We are giving her a ride this morning and she left from here because it would be 'easier'.  Ha.  For whom?  We were up hours late with her weeping and dramas.  This morning she is furious at us first for reminding her many times "we need to leave in 10 minutes", then when she was late, for "not telling" her.  And her negative nasty mouth is going the entire time.  I have got to learn a way to just not hear her when she is ranting.  Or to not have her in our home.  And how is that fair to her?

Our whole life is embroiled with her life.  I am going to coffee with a mental health mom mentor from church.  Date night is support group.  Lunch out with spouse is counseling for us.  Our evenings are negotiating who is 'handling' dd's calls tonight.  We are negotiating how to protect our son from her influences. 

We want to sell our home too and run away - from her!  How incredibly much control is that giving her?  Wow.  Letting her chase us out of our lives.   Everything is about her, whether our phones are on or off, who 'has' to be on call, not feeling safe leaving our son at home with a babysitter, etc. 

Thank you for listening.  I am seeking peace and finding it elusive. 

Tired
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« Reply #18 on: January 10, 2013, 10:49:01 AM »

Boy, talk about a group of soul sisters.  I feel like my name could be on every one of y'all's posts.  There are differences of course but we all seem to be living the same nightmare.  I know we are making the best decisions we can and I love that there is no judgment here, no "oh no you didn't!"  I asked my dd22 to move out at 18.  She literally turned 18 2 days before I told her "enough."  I did not know she was BPD at this point.  If I had, I would have done things differently.  But I simply could not put up with her anymore.  Our relationship has had peaks and valleys.  It is currently bad.  I too have hated her.  I too have had this affect my marriage.  It is so easy to look for a scapegoat, to lash out at our spouses.  A good day for me is if I have not cried that day.  (Already cried today... .  guess it's not a good day).  I HATE feeling sad all the time.  I hate that she has so sucked my happiness away.  She is like a dementor from Harry Potter.  It is the classic tale of are you better with them or without them?  The answer of course is both. 
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« Reply #19 on: January 10, 2013, 11:25:25 AM »

I really get a lot from this site... .  I read the posts and it feels like you have my d15 living at your home... .  it is a battle everyday and when things go well I am on edge waiting for the next explosion.

take time ladies to stand back... .  take time to do nothing... .  take time for yourself then you will have the strength for the next day.

I am reading Valerie Porr right now and I find it very helpful... .  keep looking for the answers... .  don't give up. Try to be optimistic when it is easier to be down... .  don't let her dictate the mood in your home if you can at all help it. Easier said than done but try to look at your problems from a distance... .  in a bigger time frame... .  she might be bad right now but in 1 or 2 or 5 years maybe things will be different... .  try to acknowledge the improvement no matter how small. Don't always focus on the bad.
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« Reply #20 on: January 14, 2013, 09:44:49 AM »

I like your advice jellibeans. It is easier said than done, but we need to try every day to actually do it! If we don’t step back and see our problems from a distance, then we just get sucked in to that vortex of drama and pain that we all know too well.
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« Reply #21 on: January 14, 2013, 09:54:27 AM »

eclairs5


I am so guilty of doing that as well so I do have to remind myself to step back... .  not get angry when that is probably the easiest thing to do... .  staying positive is so important but the hardest when dealing with BPD... .  without this site I know I would be depressed 24/7... .  it has helped me more than I can say in words. When you are in the deepest of holes and you can't see the future and better days readily I come to this site and I have always found the most helpful advise and the most understanding people with the wisdom I lack.
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« Reply #22 on: January 14, 2013, 10:19:47 AM »

I know what you mean; sometimes it’s just almost unbearable… I wish I had known of this site before. During my hardest time with our dd19 (going on 20) I had no support, no diagnosis, and no one to talk to because in a way I felt embarrassed I was going through such a mess. I did join an online support group for parents with difficult teenagers, but didn’t find it as helpful as this site. Since she was diagnosed and I understand that most of her behavior comes from this awful disorder, empathy has replaced anger and acceptance has replaced despair. For the most part of course; this is a work in progress and it probably will be for the rest of my life.
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« Reply #23 on: January 14, 2013, 05:43:39 PM »

I don't know about the rest of us but what I miss the most is the feeling of " wow she's going to be great someday" now I only hope that one day she will finish school and go on to live on her own.  I foresee her at 30 still living at home. That's where the hopelessness comes in. I can't seem to shed it. I miss my little girl. The one I used to love being with taking places exploring the world with. Now I'm happy when she's not around. I miss the curiosity of what her beautiful bright future will bring. Now I see only  life long dependency.
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« Reply #24 on: January 14, 2013, 06:33:21 PM »

I think you need to put things into perspective... .  try to be more positive... .  you sound burnt out which is an easy place to get to but step back a bit. Don't let those thoughts in... .  she has every chance of having a wonderful life. It will be her life not yours and it might look different than what you thought it would be but it can be good. Don't give up on that.


When you are tired... .  rest... .  find some time for yourself but regroup... .  she IS going to be great one day... .  

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« Reply #25 on: January 14, 2013, 06:53:52 PM »

Oh jellibeans... .  how I wish I could believe in every word you said.  Like AV I see a beautiful, smart  life wasted.  It was only 2 1/2 years ago that life seemed to so good.  I don't know what happened.  We were a happy family. Now we are four people living in the same house.  A house that is filled with sadness, anger and loneliness.  As I sit here typing my dh is downstairs on his computer where he retreats to all the time.  My older daughter has come home from work and goes to her room and has little contact with anyone.  She claims she is tired but I know she just shuts herself off and DD is up in her room.  The past few days have been good for her then today was a bad day.  I know she was depressed all day.  Whenever I called her from work she either gave me one word answers or she was sleeping.  I came home from work.  DD and dh had been home all day as dh has a cold and dd is still off from school.  They did nothing together today because dh doesnt really make any attempt to do anything with her.  I came home and I made a really nice dinner.  DD didn't want to eat so she didn't come down.  My older daughter came home from work and said she wasn't hungry, dh and I ate dinner and then before I knew it he retreated down to his computer.  I took the dog out for a really long walk as I am logging my miles for Will's Way and I try to clear my head.  When I came back I asked DD is she would like to watch a movie with me and she said maybe.  I went downstairs to make a cup of tea and she came down in a sullen mood.  I said lets go watch something and when we got up she bumped into me and spilled my cup of tea.  As she bumped into me I said Oh no because I was carrying my computer and the tea spilled on the keyboard. Not OH NO like I was angry just a simple oh no and she got all mad and nasty.  "Why didn't you say something other than oh no, how was I supposed to know you were behind me".  I just said, its not a big deal and she got all annoyed and went back up to her room.  So here I am once again, alone with my best friend... .  the dog.  I'm trying to take a step back and look at the bright side but I just can't find it.  I know that the life she hopefully will have will be hers, and you are right, maybe not the one I thought but I would be okay with anything as long as she finds her happiness but I don't think that will ever come. 

Griz
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« Reply #26 on: January 14, 2013, 06:59:21 PM »

almostvegan

Try not to project-all it does is cause anxiety.  My ds is almost 30 and no way will he ever live with me again.  For my sanity ds needs to be somewhere else.  Unfortunately he will probably turn 30 in prison but at least he will be safe and alive.

Our BPD's keep changing and their lives keep changing so try not to fast forward to 30. Your ds may not be living the life you had dreamed for her but if you can keep the relationship going you will always have her in your life.  

We just need to adjust our expectations.  Life is full of surprises.

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« Reply #27 on: January 14, 2013, 07:12:07 PM »

griz

your house sounds like mine... .  so funny... .  but it is true.I know it will not stay this way forever... .  I believe it will get better... .  try to see the future... .  my dream is for my daughter to be happy and living a good life... .  maybe college... .  maybe not... .  a job... .  with friends... .  you know baby steps... .  it will come... .  I have to believe it will come for us all.

she will be happy!... .  and so will you!
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« Reply #28 on: January 14, 2013, 07:43:41 PM »

Oh sweet GRIZ! I just want to hug you!

Where does everyone get their optimism from? I just can't get out from under the REALITY I see! How will my d EVER get to the point when she can function in the world on her own? I'm not trying to be negative. I'm just calling it as I see it daily. It sounds lovely to say one day she will get there. But I don't see anything that persuades me that it can be. I see no changes that can fulfill that. She can't function in reality. She does online school bc of this. I don't see any chance that she can ever leave the nest. I will hope for it forever. But I just don't see how it's possible.

I hope I didn't bring any of you down. It's just my life as I see it.

Love and peace to you all

AV
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« Reply #29 on: January 14, 2013, 08:31:49 PM »

Aww! Almost vegan you will get there. The psych always reminded me that our job as parents is to put ourselves out of work as parents. Maybe some career counseling can help her set some tangible goals. Whatever chance you get help her own her life. Tell her you believe in her. It may take longer than most, but you will notice progress. Realistic goals for our kids give some hope!
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