I posted mostyly on here while I was trying to work it out with my now EX BPD GF and figured you all should know how it ended.
so here was my most recent thread from my instance from the last couple days.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=191810.0The following I am writing is what transpired a little over an hour ago.
my Ex BPD GF contacted me last night and said that she will always care for me but can't love me in the way it was that it was just gone. I had a hard time grasping this but understood that it was probably the BPD with attaching and detaching. I told myself that I would not contact her and just leave it at that but I gave in and contacted her. Probably a bad idea but I'm glad I did it. I sent her a text in response to hers saying that I have no qualms, am not mad, or even upset at how she feels and can not tell her how she should or shouldn't feel because we are all entitled to that right. I told her however that it is not normal to cycle through emotions like that and just not have them anymore ( in regards to our relationship and feelings of love etc) especially by already seeing and talking to another guy in a romantic sense. I once again said that I have no issues with it and I do sincerely wish her the best of luck in whatever she does and hope she continues to try to be happy and find happiness and that I will always care for her in some way and love her in some way like she told me. I honestly wasn't expecting a response and knew I should have remained with NC but I did it for closure with myself and no one else. Got and Immediate response from her saying that "I don't think I was ever in love in the first place" My heart sank and it was this moment of clarity that I knew whoever I was talking too was not the same person I "knew" and to be honest I was dating someone who was mentally Ill our entire relationship. She then asked me like 5 minutes later "what do you honestly want from me" and we called each other and SHE RAGED LIKE I HAD NEVER SEEN BEFORE. I told her that I wanted nothing from her and hope that we could be cordial with each other as I am close to members of her family in a friendship sense and will probably have to see her to some extent due to that and other reasons which is hard to explain and that I only meant to wish her well and move on. Well that turned into me being a F***ed up person who is ate up. That I was the one who was wrong because when relationships end so do the feelings and I am stalking her now and can't get over it because I am in puppy love nothing more. SHe wasted a year of her life and knew we would never work and etc etc etc. I was upset at the raging but finally had the moment of clarity that I needed that she is sick in a way I will never understand and me finally realizing that instead of believing I could beat the odds was a moment of clarity for me. I am moving onwards and not looking back especially after tonight's little episode. I should have listened to people who told me that it wouldn't work and she was sick and everything else but I did care about this person and that is hard to grasp myself at times. But I fought for something I thought was right in my heart and did all I could. I'm glad I did that and stood for something than gave up and having a million what ifs and regrets and be defeated in that sense. My time on these boards are not over. I know there are others out there going through the same pain I am going through and dealing with similar issues and if I can help anyone like you all have helped me then positive energy, love and good karma will be throughout. Thank you everyone I can truly say this is the most liberated I have felt in the past year and it is a darn good feeling Doing the right thing
