Update on divorce without kids and NC

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I went NC when the emails from ustbxh got nasty shortly after I moved out. All emails from him are along the lines of: you must do this by a certain time or I will do this. This included destroying possessions that I left behind (even though he is under court order not to destroy or dispose of things) to things like cutting down trees he knew I loved. I decided that what I wasn't able to take with me, I didn't need. The emotional price and potential for physical abuse in order to retrieve things is just too high. The only contact i have with him is through lawyers. On Christmas, he wrote the only nice email to me since I left. The temptation to let down my guard was very light and I have and will not respond. Why write one nice email on Christmas, anyway?  It makes no sense to me. For legal reasons I read and send the emails on to my attorney. If I didn't have to, I'd just filter them to go straight to trash.   In his case, I've decided not to take out a restraning order because my sense of his psyche is that just lying low is safer. Ive purposely stayed away from places he frequents. It's been 6 months since I filed (it was he who wanted the divorce, but after a few weeks of mental processing, I took it into my own hands.). I read "Splitting" and his behavior is just like that book. He's been uncooperative every step of the way and repeatedly lied. For anyone divorcing someone with BPD (w/NPD traits) traits this book is a must read. It puts the behaviors in perspective. Get a good lawyer and tell them up front about the BPD (w/NPD traits) traits. He is on his second lawyer, by the way.  He said he didnt want to spend money on lawyers, but his lack of cooperaion has necessitated it.  Stuff has to be subpeonad and you have to take them into court when they lie. I think NC is the best way to go and without children, it is not difficult. I'm getting counseling and recovering from the domestic violence. I'm still processing this whole thing, but each day he's more out of my life.  Oz is getting further and further away and it feels good.  It has been a difficult six months just in terms of survival needs, but that is getting better with each new piece of documentation and the legal leverage that uncovering and documenting the truth gives.  I wanted to share this to say it can get better.  You can win against the lies.  Mbaybe not against all of them, but against the big lies that can be docunented. And you can put space between you and the crazy-making. I have and will continue to do so.  

[birdlady]

I went NC when the emails from ustbxh got nasty shortly after I moved out. All emails from him are along the lines of: you must do this by a certain time or I will do this. This included destroying possessions that I left behind (even though he is under court order not to destroy or dispose of things) to things like cutting down trees he knew I loved. I decided that what I wasn't able to take with me, I didn't need. The emotional price and potential for physical abuse in order to retrieve things is just too high. The only contact i have with him is through lawyers. On Christmas, he wrote the only nice email to me since I left. The temptation to let down my guard was very light and I have and will not respond. Why write one nice email on Christmas, anyway?  It makes no sense to me. For legal reasons I read and send the emails on to my attorney. If I didn't have to, I'd just filter them to go straight to trash.   In his case, I've decided not to take out a restraning order because my sense of his psyche is that just lying low is safer. Ive purposely stayed away from places he frequents. It's been 6 months since I filed (it was he who wanted the divorce, but after a few weeks of mental processing, I took it into my own hands.). I read "Splitting" and his behavior is just like that book. He's been uncooperative every step of the way and repeatedly lied. For anyone divorcing someone with BPD (w/NPD traits) traits this book is a must read. It puts the behaviors in perspective. Get a good lawyer and tell them up front about the BPD (w/NPD traits) traits. He is on his second lawyer, by the way.  He said he didnt want to spend money on lawyers, but his lack of cooperaion has necessitated it.  Stuff has to be subpeonad and you have to take them into court when they lie. I think NC is the best way to go and without children, it is not difficult. I'm getting counseling and recovering from the domestic violence. I'm still processing this whole thing, but each day he's more out of my life.  Oz is getting further and further away and it feels good.  It has been a difficult six months just in terms of survival needs, but that is getting better with each new piece of documentation and the legal leverage that uncovering and documenting the truth gives.  I wanted to share this to say it can get better.  You can win against the lies.  Mbaybe not against all of them, but against the big lies that can be docunented. And you can put space between you and the crazy-making. I have and will continue to do so.  

[DreamGirl]

 

I'm so glad that you're able to separate yourself from it all and that you're getting your own therapy for your own recovery. I think that it's so beneficial.

Thanks for the update.