atlantis12
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Posts: 3
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« on: January 11, 2013, 10:27:41 AM » |
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I am curious about something. My H was diagnosed with BPD last May. He is still in therapy and is actually doing pretty well. He's certainly not fixed, but is visibly better. He likes his therapist (who is a PhD clinical psychologist), handles his own appointments, accepts his diagnosis and goes every week. He says going makes him feel better.
So here's the thing. Because he is committed to therapy, is doing well and is committed to making our marriage work, his T is starting to wonder if he really is BPD or only BPD or if there is something else going on that creates BPD like symptoms, if he just has some serious traits and not the full blown disorder or if the BPD is mixed with some other stuff that make it act a little differently. His T said she expected him to disappear after the first 3 appointments and in her experience people with BPD aren't capable of the kind of commitment he is showing to therapy or to our marriage.
He has lots of the typical BPD behaviors, but not some of the others that seem to be pretty typical. He did not do the whirlwind romance, quick attachment, crazy sex, intense initial relationship thing with me at the beginning. He did not pressure me to commit, move in or marry him, those discussions didn't start until maybe 5 or more years dating. He does not have a long string of exes, in fact he has me and two other significant relationships (one he said she wasn't a very nice person and the other he said they never really fought or anything, but I don't know a lot about the relationship dynamics) from the past and a some others he dated, a couple of hook ups even though he was a very attractive young man and could have easily dated much more. He was not promiscuous, just an average guy in that regard. He does not need to be with someone all the time, in fact has always liked his alone time, and he did not jump from relationship to relationship. We have been married for 11 years and dated for 6 years before that.
Like I said, he is doing better, but his T is starting to wonder based on his behavior. He has the abandonment fears (everyone always leaves, used to freak if he thought I was leaving him, including the suicide "hints", he would alternate between I am a good wife and being nice to me, telling me he loved me and just being horribly nasty to me, calling me horrible names, tons of verbal abuse and on and on, although I'm not sure I would call the "white" side idealization necessarily because I never felt like he put me on a pedestal. He has/had the emptiness, not being sure who he was, thinking he was worthless, horribly impulsiveness with money, reckless driving when he was upset (road rage), didn't gamble much, but had a hard time stopping when he did, could easily get addicted to internet games, internet chat rooms, video games. :)efinitely had the suicidal thoughts, suicidal threats and hints. The emotional instability was horrible, you never knew what would throw him into a rage, any little thing could do it and it was awful. He was angry a LOT. He could swing anywhere from normal mood and seemingly happy to being so depressed he'd hide in our bedroom for weeks on end. He would blame me for his actions, punish me, try to make me feel as bad as he did, criticize and nitpick every little thing, be constantly negative, instruct me how to do every day tasks, project, accuse me of cheating if I came home from the grocery store a few minutes later than he though I should and all kinds of other behaviors I regularly see on here. He would absolutely refuse to get help for the longest time, would even tell me I was the crazy one. There was some milder stuff here and there in the 4 years after we married, but it got really bad after our first child was born (so about 10 years before things got really bad).
I have known one other person in my life who I strongly suspect has BPD, and that person has the lots and lots of exes, constant revolving door on relationships, can't bear to be alone, promiscuous, jumps into relationships, whirlwind up front, quick marriages that don't last, along with the same kind of other behaviors my husband has.
So I am curious, has anyone else's pwBPD been like my husband and not had this whole particular "thing" around relationships? :)o most pwBPD have similar relationship histories or do some just have a bit of a different flavor based on which of the criteria they meet?
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