My Settlement conference: This week

[Matt]

Called my L this morning. He's in court.  Spoke to an assistant about the progression or lack of progression of my case.  Can't afford to switch so close to settlement.

Changing lawyers late in the game could add a lot of cost, and create problems and delays.

Maybe you can just supervise him very closely.  Ask a lot of questions - exactly what will happen when - and follow up with him frequently to make sure each step is done.

On that offer, have a frank talk with him.  Send him an e-mail telling him you will come to his office tomorrow at 9:00 - don't ask for an appointment - tell him you will be there and you expect him to meet briefly with you.

When you meet, ask exactly how this case will be resolved, and how he will put a date to the open-ended offer.  For example, it could be withdrawn, and replaced by an identical offer with a close date of next Friday - enough time to give the other side a chance to respond, but no more.

Ask what he will do if the other side doesn't respond.  What are the next steps - has he filed for a trial date - how will this case get finished.  Don't stand up - even if he does - til you have the answers you need.  Watch body language - he may try to avoid talking to you by not sitting down, or standing close to the door, hoping you will leave.  Go into his office - not the entry area, but the room where his desk is, and sit down, and don't stand up again to you are satisfied with the commitments you have received.

Take notes very carefully, and read them back to him:  "So what I'm hearing is that you will do X by March 20 - is that correct?  And you will do Y by March 27 - is that right?  Date the page in your notebook.  When he sees that you are taking notes, and dating the page, he will recognize that you are going to hold him accountable for his performance of these actions.

Then, on those dates, e-mail him:  "When we met on March 18, you committed to do X by March 20.  Please send me confirmation today that X has been completed."  If you don't get that confirmation, send him another e-mail the next day:  "On March 18, you committed to do X by March 20.  Yesterday I e-mailed you for confirmation that X had been completed, and I received no response.  I expect a response by close of business today confirming that you have completed X as you agreed to do."

Make each e-mail more clear, fewer "pleases".  If he doesn't do what he said he would do to your satisfaction, call your state's bar association and ask what remedies you have.  In my state, they will mediate in some cases, to avoid the need to file suit against your lawyer.

If you are not clear and consistent, your lawyer may continue to treat you like a second-class client.  He should be answering all your questions and helping you understand exactly what is happening, and he should be getting things done with minimal delay.

[Forestaken]

I emailed his office as the call this morning (he was in court) went unanswered at this point in time.  I honestly don't know, what kind of case he was in court for.

Since I have a T appointment next wed afternoon, I requested to meet with him after my T appt about 1 hour after my T appt finishes.  Work is increasing where I am and staffing is not. I don't want to make excuses but I can't afford to be away from work a scattering of multiple times.  

Right now, it's the only finanical stable thing I got.  Nevertheless, I know I got to get this done.

[Matt]

"He's in court" may mean "He's working on another case that is more lucrative so he doesn't want to talk to you."  Don't be distracted.  This isn't about whether he's in court.  It's about your case and how it will be resolved.

You have paid him to do this job.  You have the right to expect that it will be done properly and in a timely way.

If he doesn't return your calls in a timely way - one attorney even returned my call on a Sunday, before I had even retained him, so there are attorneys who respond well to their clients - you don't have to take that lying down.

Write an e-mail, copying whoever you know in his office:

To:  Attorney

From:  Forestaken

re:  Your services.

I have tried to contact you by phone but have not received a return call.  This is unacceptable.  I expect you to return my calls in a timely manner.

I will be in your office at 9:00 tomorrow to discuss the issues I have raised with you about my case.  Please be prepared.

[GaGrl]

When you become dissatisfied with the lack of info or response, your manta needs to be:

"I am the client and you are the service provider."

[Matt]

When you become dissatisfied with the lack of info or response, your manta needs to be:

"I am the client and you are the service provider."

Well said!  And very important!

We are exiting abusing relationships;  we allowed ourselves to be abused by the other party, or we wouldn't need a divorce lawyer.

Sometimes our relationships with our attorneys follow the same path - we allow ourselves to be abused, and the other party (in this case the attorney) senses that, and the abuse gets worse.

Gagrl's mantra should help!

[ForeverDad]

Do keep in mind that lawyers do have to schedules to keep at court and elsewhere.  And you're not his only client, so the fact is he can't be at your every beck and call.  However, that does not excuse him from providing adequate and timely response and service, even if the response is just to state when he can be available.  You are his client and you do have needs that must be addressed in order to receive proper service, sooner and not sometime later.  The past pattern is apparently inadequate.  See if you can find a balance that satisfies both your needs and his schedule.

[Matt]

Do keep in mind that lawyers do have to schedules to keep at court and elsewhere.  And you're not his only client, so the fact is he can't be at your every beck and call.  However, that does not excuse him from providing adequate and timely response and service, even if the response is just to state when he can be available.  You are his client and you do have needs that must be addressed in order to receive proper service, sooner and not sometime later.  The past pattern is apparently inadequate.  See if you can find a balance that satisfies both your needs and his schedule.

In my field, I pretty often fall behind.  At the end of each day - which might be late at night - I respond by e-mail to anybody I wasn't able to respond to earlier in the day.

Even if the response is, "I'm sorry I wasn't able to get back to you earlier today.  I will be in court tomorrow, but I will call you at 9:00 a.m. Monday to answer your question." - that's a response, and shows that he is trying to do what you need.

Failing to return calls and e-mails in a timely way - there's just no excuse for a professional to do that.

[Forestaken]

I'll notified them I will be coming by on Wednesday afternoon to discuss (I have a T session at 1:30).  The issue now is not just me but the kids FSFSA. S2bx is sitting on a $90K inheritence stock account but she not contributing to their education despite their requests.  I know that will count against them when they apply for finanical aid.

[Forestaken]

Heard back from my L (email) he stated: He heard back from s2bx's L. S2bx's L had trouble getting a hold of s2bx to meet. Meeting scheduled for next month.

In the meantime: I've request he place a deadline on the offer. 

In additional, S22 has requested money for college from momster, only to get back "I love you", "God bless you" etc. Finally S22 told to stop texting him with that BS, either help or F' off.

[Forestaken]

Update:

Oct (6 months ago): Judge gave orders for me to pay and for her to get a job.

Feb (2 months ago): Settlement offer sent by my L to her L. No response

April: My L knows that he can show that she is using support money for legal not living expenses, Ordering a job skills evaluation for her this week.  Since working is "beneath her", I understand why there is no "offer good until... .   " date on the settlement offer.  Chances are she'll move on the settlement offer.

[Forestaken]

Update:

Went to court today, S2bx just got a job working as an event staff waiteress (non-steady & not even a first paycheck),  Her L lied to the J telling that my s2bx had only a H.S. diplomia (she has a college degree in communication science), only speaks limited english (she pass the US citizen exam and our kids speak no spanish), has no assets (she has a $80K stock portfolio)

My L wanted her to have a skills evaluation, her L stated that my s2bx has no funds for a counter evaluation.  So, if we were to get her to our jobs evaluator, I have to pay for a counter evaluator too.

The WORST thing about today was my L didn't get a chance to speak.  After her L painted a picture, the J made a decision, when my L began to speak. the J cut him off.

My S23 and I are furious.

[Matt]

Can you file something with the court, stating what you told us here?

Tell that the other attorney made false statements, and that the other party has money to pay for the evaluation?

[Forestaken]

I don't know.  Both my L and I were shell shocked.  I sent him an email after 5pm requesting a conference.  Even though the origin of the stock portfolio is hers. My name is still on it.  The statements are being sent to her sister's house here she is staying.  I thinking about getting a copy.

[Matt]

If you can prove that they lied, you might be able to file a motion asking them to be held in contempt.

[ForeverDad]

Not allowing your lawyer to give your side?  I bet the judge said something like no more time?  (Most initial hearings are very brief.)  If so, then the case should have been continued to another date to allow the needed time.  But what's done is done.  Most orders, if an order was issued, can be appealed but you may not have much time to do so.  (Settlements cannot be appealed which is one reason why courts love settlements.)

Meanwhile, get those statements.  Do you have access to them so you can make copies?  You want to have them with you at the next appearance if possible.  If you are named on the account, then you have a right to get statements.  All you need to do is identify yourself to that company and request copies, I should think.  As a last resort your lawyer could subpoena copies.

One thing about appeals is that you're not supposed to include evidence not submitted to the court.  But it sounds like your lawyer can claim he or she was not given reasonable opportunity to present his side.  The judge probably could be counting on two things: (1) Most decisions aren't appealed.  (2) Most people don't want to pay the added cost of an appeal.

You've just gotten an idea of stbEx's lawyer's strategy.  Now you know some of the things to give more focus and attention in future preparation.

[Forestaken]

Update: went to court last week, Her L requested me to pay for her services. My L argued that this has taken too long as s2bx has already had 1 L and current one is the second. J heard both sides this time.

Last time, J only listened to her L granted $7500 in fees to dispute a work skills analysis.

Since s2bx is working PT, the J granted $5K limit,  I have to call my L at the end of September to see if I have to pay the $5k.

But here is the nutty thing, her L will be calling her family, her friend (Ms. M ~ who my kids and I don't know) and an old family friend (Ms. J) who we haven't seen in 10 years as witnesses?  They will claim I am abusive.

My side: My 2 adult children D20 S23 who actually witnessed the abuse.

[sanemom]

Update: went to court last week, Her L requested me to pay for her services. My L argued that this has taken too long as s2bx has already had 1 L and current one is the second. J heard both sides this time.

Last time, J only listened to her L granted $7500 in fees to dispute a work skills analysis.

Since s2bx is working PT, the J granted $5K limit,  I have to call my L at the end of September to see if I have to pay the $5k.

But here is the nutty thing, her L will be calling her family, her friend (Ms. M ~ who my kids and I don't know) and an old family friend (Ms. J) who we haven't seen in 10 years as witnesses?  They will claim I am abusive.

My side: My 2 adult children D20 S23 who actually witnessed the abuse.

It is amazing how messy these things can get... . this should have been a relatively simple matter, and would have been, had a personality disorder not been in the mix.  I really think all judges need to get some training on high conflict people!

[Matt]

Update: went to court last week, Her L requested me to pay for her services. My L argued that this has taken too long as s2bx has already had 1 L and current one is the second. J heard both sides this time.

Last time, J only listened to her L granted $7500 in fees to dispute a work skills analysis.

Since s2bx is working PT, the J granted $5K limit,  I have to call my L at the end of September to see if I have to pay the $5k.

But here is the nutty thing, her L will be calling her family, her friend (Ms. M ~ who my kids and I don't know) and an old family friend (Ms. J) who we haven't seen in 10 years as witnesses?  They will claim I am abusive.

My side: My 2 adult children D20 S23 who actually witnessed the abuse.

It is amazing how messy these things can get... . this should have been a relatively simple matter, and would have been, had a personality disorder not been in the mix.  I really think all judges need to get some training on high conflict people!

Yeah, family law judges should certainly have some basic education in psychology.

[Forestaken]

About 14 years ago, my S used to play with Ms. J's 4 boys. Almost always, my S was the one who got hurt. So, I didn't want my S playing with them. Reasonable?

Well, I did an online court search and as adults these same boys have been arrested for DUI, driving on suspended licenses, speeding, disorderly conduct, etc. In short, they weren't controlled as youths (ewe-t's) and became wreckless young men.