OMG, I'm Backsliding

[TheRealSully]

I thought I was all tough... .  able to move on and forget about the ex wife of 10 years (12 relationship).  Our divorce went through on Friday, she changed personalities on Dec 14th.

I felt strong.  I went out with someone really cool on a date, then she ended up having the guy she was seeing want to get serious, so I lost her, too.  The guy sure didn't want me around.  I was a pretty big threat to his plan with her.

So anyway, this is probably a personal problem, but unless I'm getting some attention from someone, I start to feel bad.  I start to want to crack the good personality of my wife out from under the bad personality.  (She is locked in bad for good it seems)

I found myself sending her messages today (that go unanswered).  I'm in a really cool chic boutique hotel in Miami on the beach right now.  I invited the ex Wife down.  :)umb, dumb, dumb!  But... .  I am finding I can't enjoy life without her or some distraction to help me forget about her.  I can't go on a walk by myself and enjoy it.  I can't sit in a beautiful boutique hotel by myself and enjoy it.  I have no friends because the wife and I spent 24/7/365 together for 12 years.  We were each other's everything, until the painting black.  

I'm really struggling.  I don't know what it means to be "me" without my soul mate.  

I don't even like life without my soul mate.  It's too boring.  Any distraction would be great because I'm really starting to lose it.  

My career is bringing wealthy people on vacation on boats.  Well, I have a boat sitting there that is 70% complete and my wife took the money I needed to finish it.  So... .  she destroyed my life and income in the process.  I'm trying different "get rich quick" schemes, some of them not entirely on the level.  Those aren't even working.  I'm actually down a few thousand right now with one of them.

I'm really lost.  I need to raise $60K just to fit the boat out to a very basic level to do basic vacations.  Then, as I run it at that level, I can haul it back out to upgrade in another year so I can do the more expensive type of vacations.

This is what I want to be doing, but I can't find a clear path to it.  I am quite lost... .   I thought I was strong, but every time things get hard (which they always seem to be), I find myself longing for my wife... .  the good part of my wife.  If not her, I find myself longing for whatever female attention I can get.  I sound BPD!  ha ha ha  but, I don't have any of those things.  I just like to feel validated and know that I "still have it" in some ways, especially after this rejection.

I'd be happy if I could just throw myself into my work, but she stole that from me too.    

[hithere]

I sound BPD!  ha ha ha

Funny but you do.

Not sure I understand your situation, you are writing in the undecided board but you are already divorced?  Do you go to therapy?  If not then I would make that your number one priority, it will help you find out why you can't be happy alone.

good luck.

[TheRealSully]

I sound BPD!  ha ha ha

Funny but you do.

Not sure I understand your situation, you are writing in the undecided board but you are already divorced?  :)o you go to therapy?  If not then I would make that your number one priority, it will help you find out why you can't be happy alone.

good luck.

I think the real word is "co-dependent", and I have always enjoyed being co-dependent.  It's a wonderful thing in a loving relationship.  Not so much with a BPD partner.  

I filed this in "undecided" because I am sliding... .  trying to contact the ex because I miss her so much.  I'm falling backward.  Wanting to rescue her again.  Not good.  

I don't go to therapy.  I went to one session because I was utterly lost when she dropped the bomb on me.  That got my immediate crisis straightened out.  

I am just having a bad time because I'm in areas of beauty, by the ocean, in places where I just spent the last 12 years of my life enjoying this type of thing with my soul mate.  

Her and I love watching cartoons... .  animated adult cartoons. Simpsons, Futurama, Family Guy, American Dad.  We own every one of those shows on DVD (but do not watch any other television).  I haven't been able to open the huge library of cartoons at all because I'm scared I'll just cry instead of enjoy them.  There are lots of things in life I'm finding I can't enjoy without her.  I'm in bad, bad shape.

You may or may not understand what I mean about needing someone around.  If I do not have my old wife around (soulmate), I find life itself is less bright, less fun, I smile less.  Any other attention from anyone at all (rather than sitting alone typing on forums) is a refreshing change.  I am lonely.  I am used to having my soulmate.  I want her back badly, but she is soo broken.  

[Scarlet Phoenix]

Hi TheRealSully

I'm so sorry for what's happened to you! I don't know what it's like to lose someone so abruptly. But I do know what's it's like to have your soulmate take out a divorce. I was with my ex (not BPD or anything else) for 10 years, married for 7 of them. When he filed for a divorce and moved out, I felt like I had lost my best friend and soulmate, I stopped eating, I would try to do errands but would find myself crying in the store, I didn't eat, didn't sleep. I thought about him all the time. In short, I was in bad, bad, shape. My heart goes out to you, it's a terrible place to be.

Take care of yourself the best you can! I know it's of little help right now to say that it'll eventually pass and that you probably don't even want it to pass but rather that things go back to the way they were. I'm so sorry. There's not much you can do other than to try to take care of yourself (eat a little, sleep a little), talk to your friends, vent here, see a therapist, grieve.

Sending you love and hope!

[Washisheart]

Have you thought of joining a singles group that does group activities? I hear about them all the time. They do some really fun/adventurous things. It might help distract you.

it is hard when someone goes from being your 24/7/365 to not there at all.