how long can I take this

[Neverdayz]

I myself have APD and OCD, dealing with a 4 year relationship with a BPD. It's been so hard and complicated. I'm trying to figure out if it's worth it  I'm willing to try and try but I need him willing to try too, I  love him soo much but it may be time... .  even if I don't want it to be.

just wrote this

I want to be with you

I want your good time and bad

I want to share my life with you

I want to give you the love you never had,

I want to wake up to you everyday of my life

I want to stay with you forever and eventually be your wife.

I want all this and so much more,

but what I want the most us both to heal and be stronger than before.

[real lady]

Hi Neverdayz wow... .  that sounds hard and you are trying to figure out if it is "worth it"... .  your poem is pretty... .  idealist like my writing used to be. I had hoped that he would be willing/able to receive my love also... .  I am so sorry that this hurts... .  have you read about "radical acceptance" here on this wonderful site? Has he been diagnosed and has he done any DBT or counseling? He HAS TO be willing to help himself... .  the one thing that I learned quickly about my uBPDso, if he doesn't want "to make things better" and would rather for things to "be as they are" or "BE better" (somehow in his mind only... .  I don't know HOW he could have it better than he does now, WITH me... .  ) but outright REFUSED to go to counseling... .  when that happens, we have to decide if we "will accept them as they are" or "leave them to themselves" which really is the most merciful act for both the BPD and the nonBPD (you; even though you have avoidant and obsessive compulsive behaviors, etc... .  ).

Wishing you well... .  it "may be time even if you don't want it to be"... .  just be patient with yourself and HEAR what your heart and mind are telling you.