BPD daughter dating again from nanny

[Parents! Get help here!]

HI ALL JUST FOUND OUT MY BP DAUGHTER 20 STARTED DATING AGAIN (JUST BROKE UP 5 MOnths ago with bf they have baby together) i found some info on new guy on social media site sounds like a real dirt bag if site is all about filthy stuff about girl and sounds like a real player on one of his post it says "feel like punching a baby not literaly but What the heck"  my questions is how to approach her with this due to her bp she is highly emotional anytime i bring up anything and i mean anything especially about men but she has such bad judgement with them .  She is currently living with ex bf parents which they live 10 minutes away and i babysit 4 days a week .  Concerned to bring it up with ex bf mom because im still not sure what is going on with them have my doubts still not sure if they will try and take my grandaughter but i am very concerned i am always trying to protect protect her but she is too old .  she cant live here because all we do is fight and she wants to go out every night "says y cant i go out if i wait till my baby is asleep and then im here in morning when she wakes" She really thinks its ok to go out every night I can not explain to her y we think it is not a good idea (is it me?) So far this new guy has not met our grandaughter yet but we r afraid because of her emotional instability to think properly about herself and be safe, we have thought about leagally adopting our grandaughter but the thought of that makes me sick to my stomach to do that to her .  We r so torn anyone out there have any advice or similar situation?

[mggt]

HI ALL JUST FOUND OUT MY BP DAUGHTER 20 STARTED DATING AGAIN (JUST BROKE UP 5 MOnths ago with bf they have baby together) i found some info on new guy on social media site sounds like a real dirt bag if site is all about filthy stuff about girl and sounds like a real player on one of his post it says "feel like punching a baby not literaly but What the heck"  my questions is how to approach her with this due to her bp she is highly emotional anytime i bring up anything and i mean anything especially about men but she has such bad judgement with them .  She is currently living with ex bf parents which they live 10 minutes away and i babysit 4 days a week .  Concerned to bring it up with ex bf mom because im still not sure what is going on with them have my doubts still not sure if they will try and take my grandaughter but i am very concerned i am always trying to protect protect her but she is too old .  she cant live here because all we do is fight and she wants to go out every night "says y cant i go out if i wait till my baby is asleep and then im here in morning when she wakes" She really thinks its ok to go out every night I can not explain to her y we think it is not a good idea (is it me?) So far this new guy has not met our grandaughter yet but we r afraid because of her emotional instability to think properly about herself and be safe, we have thought about leagally adopting our grandaughter but the thought of that makes me sick to my stomach to do that to her .  We r so torn anyone out there have any advice or similar situation?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[MomofBPDAZ]

Hi -- I'm new here too and am reading everything I can on relationships with BPD daughters. I feel so badly for you because I can hear the pain in your post. When there's a child involved, it's even harder because you want to make sure your grandkids are safe. I don't have the answer, but I've been able to learn alot by attending Al-Anon. It really helps to hear others talk about their experiences, but the most important thing I learned was that healing starts with taking care of myself. If you do decide to check out Al-Anon, please give it at least 3-5 meetings. I was really frustrated during my first few meetings because I was hoping to get advice about how to fix my daughter. That's not what they're about. I'll be interested to hear what other advice you get from your post. Good luck and take care of yourself!

[vivekananda]

Hi mggt,

I found you later post and responded there to it.

the most important thing I learned was that healing starts with taking care of myself.

that's it in a nutshell! good advice mofBPDAZ

cheers,

Vivek    

[opheliasmom]

Hi mggt,

I have to go along with Vivek  and Momof.  They are correct.  You can learn to take care of yourself and provide a safe shelter for your gd.  While no one wants to see their own children suffer it may be that your grand daughter's needs are the most important.  Good luck.