3 months then sucked back in

[lost not dead]

3 months ago she ended it now tonight she asked to talk about the kids and sucked me in. She started crying about how I hurt her and emotionaly abused her and I tried to rationaly explain it was the other way around. That started the dance and the threats. She acuused me of an affair with our god daughter and said if I did not get rid of her and take her back she would make my life hell. God why did I answer the phone. 3 hours later and I feel like dying just so I never have to fell like this again. I dont know if it the Vday coming up or what  caused this but I wish it would end.

[GreenMango]

It could be anything that set her off.  She sounds like her suspicions and paranoia ... .  and emotions... .  have got the best of her.  Not a pretty place.  This is difficult to contend with.

Taking care of you and your children is important.  Something that may help (because you have to have contact with her) is establishing a plan and some ground rules for yourself in regards to the who, what, how, when, where and why of talking with her.

You're gonna need some value based boundaries and some tools here.   Approaching it the same way as before ain't working and you said

3 hours later and I feel like dying just so I never have to fell like this again

Here's the primer on Boundaries: https://bpdfamily.com/content/values-and-boundaries

Part of detaching from this is Step 4 Creative Action... .  so let's get creative here and develop a plan for interacting with her that is healthy for you and your kids.