Help

[Bignonia]

Well, I just joined this group this morning but I have an immediate situation that I'd appreciate some advice on.  First, let me say that my 30 year old daughter has a background similar to others that I've read about here.  One difference may be that she was just diagnosed last month after years of eating disorders and substance abuse.  And, she's had years of stability in there, too.  But, the last two years - after graduating college and entering the job market - have been increasingly unstable.  She was kicked out of an alcohol rehab facility recently (which she begged to go to) but immediately focused her efforts on gettiing into treatment/disability benefits etc. in a town some distance from me.  I put her up in a weekly hotel until she could get things worked out.  After the diagnosis and reading one book, our relationship had begun to improve so we were communicating everyday about her efforts to connect to treatment etc.  And, we saw the first glimmer of hope that we've had since things began to "go south" in her early adolescence.  Then, yesterday or maybe the evening before, I lost all communication with her.  No argument just silence.  I can't reach her by phone/email/Facebook.  I don't know what to do.  Wait?  Call the police? Call the front desk? Drive down there?  Please advise.  Thanks.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[opheliasmom]

Wow it sounds like you are very worried about your daughter.  I would be too.  Perhaps there is a simple explanation for what is happening.  Maybe you should try the front desk first and see what happens from there.  My thoughts are with you.

[griz]

I agree.  Maybe there is a simple explanation.  I would definetly call the front desk.  If they ring her room and she is not there ask them if they would mind checking for you.  You could simply say she hasn;'t been feeling well and you are concerned.

Let us know what happens.

Griz

[somuchlove]

that is so scary for you.  You may find that she is out doing whatever, not even realizing she is being worried about.  Even though she may know you have tried to get hold of her she knows she is ok and that is all that matters.  I have gone through calling friends, etc and then she gets upset with me saying why are you calling everyone, don't trust me, etc etc... .    I don't think they realize what we go through.

Hopefully she is fine.  Be prepared how to respond to her when you talk to her next.  That is very important.  something I am still learning ... .  

[momontherun]

I can only imagine how scared and helpless you feel right now. It seems you both have made a lot of headway and some realizations in such a short amount of time. Perhaps, she is distancing herself for the moment to process it all, trying to make sense of it and may be fighting against herself after all for her this is her "normal". I know this doesn't help take the fears you have away however, perhaps it may help you empathize where she is at when you do reconnect... .  please take it slow and take care of yourself.

I pray your dd is ok, peace for you and clarity/understanding for you both