money, money

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Because of claims being made to marital property, I requested some old bank statements from an account that has not been used in quite a few years. Got em yesterday and discovered that STBXW made dozens of moderate sized transfers to a personal/private account that add up to at least 20K over a one year period! Now I guess ill be requesting a lot more years to see what i can find. Explains why she started all the fights when I asked to see the "books" . Also why she refused to provide bank statements of anything in discovery.

I've heard judges frown upon anyone taking or hiding money. Since these transfers were from 5 years ago, what do you think? They were made from a marital account with joint access to a personal account that only she knew about or could get into.

Thoughts please?

[Gottagonow]

Because of claims being made to marital property, I requested some old bank statements from an account that has not been used in quite a few years. Got em yesterday and discovered that STBXW made dozens of moderate sized transfers to a personal/private account that add up to at least 20K over a one year period! Now I guess ill be requesting a lot more years to see what i can find. Explains why she started all the fights when I asked to see the "books" . Also why she refused to provide bank statements of anything in discovery.

I've heard judges frown upon anyone taking or hiding money. Since these transfers were from 5 years ago, what do you think? They were made from a marital account with joint access to a personal account that only she knew about or could get into.

Thoughts please?

[Matt]

Make sure you keep track of all the legal and other costs you are incurring to uncover this information.  You might be able to get the court to award you fees from the other side, since it's their dishonesty that is costing you more.

Also, you might ask the court to cite both the other party and the attorney for hiding this money.  Might be contempt or some other consequence.  And the court may order the other side to turn over all their records at once, so you don't have to keep doing this detective work.

[ForeverDad]

Based on this you may decide to request a Special Master or forensic accountant with the authority to subpoena to his/her heart's content.

Some 30 years ago when my grandfather was still alive and I was visiting after being away as a religious volunteer (and poor, in all it was 20+ years) he slipped me $5 (just the once) and said, ":)on't tell your grandmother."  It might have been quite some time later I mentioned this to my mother and she confided that they lived off grandpa's retirement but step-grandma always kept her money separate.  Yet she had so much stashed away my mom said she had to pay taxes on the interest.  Then she observed: his money was theirs but her money was hers.

I think this is written somewhere in Stop Walking on Eggshells... .  

Your Money is Ours, But My Money is Mine

Or maybe... .  

Your Money is Ours, But Our Money is Mine

[BentNotBroken]

My BPDex told me several times that the money she earned was her money, and I had no right to question how she spent HER money.

I was in dire need of medical treatment that I could not afford at the time and had loaned her many thousands of dollars previously that she still has not repaid. For her it was more important to buy clothes, shoes, purses, and knick-knacks than for me to get medical care.

She called me selfish constantly. I must have been because I stayed with her despite my basic instinct for self-preservation screaming for me to leave.

BPD entitlement seems to be a common theme. I would go after every penny you can, and let the judge sort out the split.

[Gottagonow]

My BPDex told me several times that the money she earned was her money, and I had no right to question how she spent HER money.

I was in dire need of medical treatment that I could not afford at the time and had loaned her many thousands of dollars previously that she still has not repaid. For her it was more important to buy clothes, shoes, purses, and knick-knacks than for me to get medical care.

She called me selfish constantly. I must have been because I stayed with her despite my basic instinct for self-preservation screaming for me to leave.

BPD entitlement seems to be a common theme. I would go after every penny you can, and let the judge sort out the split.

I am sorry you had to go through that, especially regarding medical needs.

I plan on proving every one of her crazy claims as false without question.

"Selfish" thats funny only because i was constantly called "Spoiled and Selfish". It's funny because I was the only one working and bringing in money. She just spent her time being mean to everyone and spending to her (place in her chest where her heart was supposed to be's) content. Yet, if I bought myself a second pair of shoes, or a couple of new shirts for work, I was "Spoiled and selfish"

Imagine that.