what are some ways to help decide? (therapist etc)

[momtara]

I am wondering how you are making your decision, and what helps.  I'm really at a crossroads between divorcing my husband and giving him one more shot, and there are kids involved.  Either decision will have consequences for years.  I am going to see a therapist who deals with spouses of BPD people, but are there other things that helped you make your decision?  Journaling, talking to experts, anything else? 

[almost789]

.Hi momtara, 

If I were married with children my decision to stay or go would depend on if he was accepting that he needs therapy. I would also consider how severe or at what level he was at with the disorder, how much and how often and what types of abuse you and/or your children are experiencing. Is he open to therapy?

[Clearmind]

I don't know that any one thing can help make a decision momtara! Certainly a therapist will help you with a plan - my suggestion is to start with that and be open to what may come next.

Journaling is great - often we bottle up our feelings because we may be use to not feeling heard.

Learning about personal values and boundaries to protect yourself are also a good start.

Are you looking after yourself? Do you have a good support network - family, friends? Taking care of yourself and regaining some independence is important for anyone in a relationship - especially ones like these that have a tendency to be enmeshed.