I need help please

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Well here is the last week in a condensed version. Started last week with withdrawing not answer her phone or texts my uBPD girlfriend I lived with until Saturday. So I came home and asked why she didn't call or text back. I said I didn't like it and I needs to think if i could live with the withdrawal. She gets into a rage and won't talk locks me out of every room she goes too. So I left and went to a friends. I tried to txt and call a couple of times but she doesn't respond. So I stayed over at my buddy's house. The next day by text she breaks up with me. Then a couple of days later she starts txting me and we decide to work it out. So I start limiting when I come over and move in with my friend upon her request that I'm a jealous control freak. So tonight I get off work go see her and she and I go to get some food Nd she says she had to put the water bill on payments. So I ask why she didn't tell me and I would have paid it. And I start to drive to the bank to get money so she can pay it. She starts saying I'm driving bad and gets me into frustration and then I can't drive at all. Then I get money get back in the car. All of a sudden I'm an abuser I have issues now I see why your ex went crazy. My ex has a drinking problem and we are still friends I drop her off and more of the same withdrawal   Please help

[Crushed-again]

Well here is the last week in a condensed version. Started last week with withdrawing not answer her phone or texts my uBPD girlfriend I lived with until Saturday. So I came home and asked why she didn't call or text back. I said I didn't like it and I needs to think if i could live with the withdrawal. She gets into a rage and won't talk locks me out of every room she goes too. So I left and went to a friends. I tried to txt and call a couple of times but she doesn't respond. So I stayed over at my buddy's house. The next day by text she breaks up with me. Then a couple of days later she starts txting me and we decide to work it out. So I start limiting when I come over and move in with my friend upon her request that I'm a jealous control freak. So tonight I get off work go see her and she and I go to get some food Nd she says she had to put the water bill on payments. So I ask why she didn't tell me and I would have paid it. And I start to drive to the bank to get money so she can pay it. She starts saying I'm driving bad and gets me into frustration and then I can't drive at all. Then I get money get back in the car. All of a sudden I'm an abuser I have issues now I see why your ex went crazy. My ex has a drinking problem and we are still friends I drop her off and more of the same withdrawal   Please help

[Clearmind]

CA, it appears she is dysregulated right now. There is little you can do to talk her around at this point. I know its hard to give her space. You haven't done anything wrong. I'm sorry you are hurting.

What do you see as your options right now?

[Crushed-again]

I would like to stay. I love her and I hate seeing her go through much pain. I actually feel the pain she is projecting. She has blamed me for what has happened. She has said we will be together but we shouldn't live together meanwhile I'm paying for two places. She doesn't have a job and the kids will suffer if I don't take care of it. I want to be with her but I don't want to be blamed or a doormat anymore. Does this make sense?

[Clearmind]

Boundaries are important to protect you - if you don't wish to be a doormat.

She is projecting. Take a step back and try to detach from the blame.

What do you do when she blames you?

[Crushed-again]

Well usually I just take all the blame so we can stop fighting. Sometimes I don't say anything because I know I will get the silent treatment for days.lately I've had enough she makes me feel like an abuser with the way she treats me. And nothing I have interest in is important

[Clearmind]

Something needs to change crushed because its working at the moment.

Giving in wont help e situation when there is a next time. There needs to be consequences and if there is yelling and screaming then walk away. When a borderline is dysregulated or out of control you are wasting energy.

Time for something to change and that is up to you

Stop accusations and blaming

Arguing - don't engage

[stevenq]

I went thru this too. Nothing i did was ever right. Argue, breakup, and makeup began to be the norm. She constantly made me feel guilty for always wanting to leave. We fought every 4 days the last 6months of our relationshp. My advice is get out soon. Have a plan. U deserve better.

[Crushed-again]

Well we have gotten back together and then she says i left her because i was gone for four days before we talked. She broke up with me after i didnt talk to her for 6 hours and didnt talk to me for 4 days and im the one who did all this "More Projections" She constantly accuses me of having affairs with women at work. This is not the case and she says now i see why you disappeared for 4 days. This is crazy making on a new level. We spend Valentines day together everything is fine and today no communication. She doesnt text back or call back. I know i need to detach and not let these things bother me but they still do

[stevenq]

If you really want to detatch you have to stick w it and not look back. Do you have support group of friends? I know its hard but you have to take care of u first. Im going on week 10 of NC. I still miss my ex but i know overall she was wrong for me. Take care. Stay strong.

[Crushed-again]

I have alot of friends. They dont understand what entails a BPD relationship. They all say to just get out of the relationship. I am seeing a Therapist and she is helping me deal alot with my codependecy issues. I dont want to leave her I love her very much. I know i deserve to be treated better. Like we all say when its good its real good.What bothers me is that she knows she has issues and refuses to go to therapy. When she isnt raging internally she is very nice.She is a Quiet Borderline and does the silent treatment and hides from the world.