I think my pwBPD contacted me yesterday as an imposter

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Ok, so me and my pwBPD are on the outs currently, however I have been getting wierd pull back stuff signals that I usually get when he wants me to make contact. I have been ignoring all of it this time. However, yesterday I was contacted by a stranger on my instant messenger, we had a quick chat. It was childish. I think it was him. I wonder if this is his way of trying to keep some connection without actually facing me for real. I've thrown alot of  truth at him lately, which I'm not sure he can face me now and he seems also to be in denial. Has anyone had anything like this before?

[almost789]

Ok, so me and my pwBPD are on the outs currently, however I have been getting wierd pull back stuff signals that I usually get when he wants me to make contact. I have been ignoring all of it this time. However, yesterday I was contacted by a stranger on my instant messenger, we had a quick chat. It was childish. I think it was him. I wonder if this is his way of trying to keep some connection without actually facing me for real. I've thrown alot of  truth at him lately, which I'm not sure he can face me now and he seems also to be in denial. Has anyone had anything like this before?

[Seb]

I had anonymous persistent texts messages for a while, from a stranger, claiming to have my number saved in their phone. Their story didn't add up, and the phone has been switched off ever since. I'm convinced it was my uexBPDgf, as I think she'd find it far easier to make that first contact as an imposter, rather than as herself. This is something that I've read has happened a few times around here. It is childish, and they can deny all knowledge if ever confronted by us.

[almost789]

Thats silly seb. It does remind me of something a kid would do, like a prank call or something. Ive never had anything like this before, so im assuming it was him. It was like a game and i just played along.

[AllyCat7]

Ahh this has happened to me on a very insane level .

After I broke up with my BPDbf two years ago, he did some really bizarre things to try to get me back. The most insane was to create a fake FB account, which he used to chat with me and try to convince me to drop my new boyfriend for him (I'm not kidding ). This fake acct was online whenever he was on gchat and he spoke just like him. It also had just one fake picture and no friends. It was soo obvious . I called him out on it and he denied it until the cows came home. Then I felt embarrassed for him and let him off the hook, saying it was probably not him, after which I told the fake account (which was also him) that I couldn't talk to him anymore . Oh, he also used the fake account several months later to private message my new boyfriend and another guy I was friends with to spread rumors about me. I went ballistic on him after that. He continued to deny it, but the fake account was instantly deactivated. I swear I could write a novel on the insanity that took place in that relationship.

I guess what I'm getting at is that YES, it was most likely what your hunch is suspecting and it is your pwBPD. It's like living in the twilight zone once one of them come into your life. CRAZY things happen

[almost789]

Lol... .  Allycat that does not suprise me at all that you bf did that. My profile an IM is completely private. I dont get strange IMs ever. I know it was him. I did not tell him that I knew it was him, but maybe 6 months ago I got some other weird things too an I told him those were from him. And once I asked him a question during one of our recycles in which he just went silent on me and dissappeared. A day later I got an indirect answer via stranger imposter... .  . Passive agressive? And your right about the insanity. These things made me realize just how sick he is. Still I thought it was kind of cute and funny in a childish kind of way. Its so weird because he was so oposite of  passive agressive when we met,, this trait didnt come out til he got badly dysregulated.

[tuum est61]

It would be very unnerving to get these messages from your BPDex.

We know they are ill - this is just one contact sport they might try - in their desperation to recycle you.  It's a clear violation of your boundaries.

Fortunately its a fairly easy boundary to maintain in that you can choose simply not to respond?

[Seb]

I still struggle with this... .  

I know in my head and heart that my exgf is unwell - her behaviours and actions point to that. But she's undiagnosed, so I sometimes doubt myself. Having worked through these issues with my T, I can see that my father gaslighting me constantly growing up has made me doubt myself and my perceptions. So, as much as I can say her behaviour wasn't normal, I often find myself straying to that place of doubt.

My exgf deleted me from fb, etc, and has gone total NC. I am the only ex she has done this to. I am also the only ex that she got close to. We were in a serious relationship, and were planning on getting married, she was madly in love with me, I was 'the one', the love of her life, we were moving in together (dumped a few weeks before the move)... .  the rest were 'straight' flings who treated her poorly (of course!   ). They never wanted anything serious, they made a fool of her by staying with their boyfriends and didn't want a future with her. I was dumped overnight after she picked a fight with me over the phone. 12 hours after saying she was 'so in love' and wanted to be with me forever, I drove her crazy and we had to end.

I was the only girl that's ever told their family about her. I'm also the only one she's dumped and cut out completely.

So... .   fast forward a few months and I get these anonymous text messages (and her accidentally 'liking' an instagram photo one Sunday), and I'm sure they're her - they're so weird and persistent about finding out who I was, and how I was etc. But my doubts creep in again. What if it wasn't? What if I'm way off? But I can't think who else it would be - who would have my number and contact me like that? And why lie? Why is a 'new number' switched off ever since? 

She didn't block me on fb, and has been posting publicly, photos and statuses since (something she never did before), and today I notice (I know - shouldn't have looked!) that she's checked herself in to Dubai airport, obviously going on holiday. Funny thing is, 6 people have 'liked' this check-in, and 2 of them are the 'evil' exes that made a fool of her. It's just made me pity her really... .  she's keeping people like this around and pushing me away, when all I ever did was love and care for her, and was about to commit to her. Makes no sense. It also made me really glad to be out of that nonsense - I used to say to myself all the time - 'her with the girlfriends', they were a staple part of our relationship, ex after ex fling always in constant contact.

I do not miss that. I hadn't wanted to before, because I didn't want her knowing she still bothered me, but now she's blocked. I'm taking myself out of the game, they're welcome to her, and her to them.

[almost789]

tuum est61,  yes, of course I can and should not respond. However, I am weak! ... .  after having so many silent treatments, even these weird connections seem exciting... .  sad but true. I know its not healthy and not good for detaching.

Seb,

What I have found and read from many others as well is if they want contact they won't necessarily make that contact themselves and will do little things to get you to contact them! Some of them anyway, that is what mine does and it has worked everytime. This time I am not. He would have to contact me in a mature manner and apologize for what he has done to me before I would ever even consider  really "friending" him again. If he can't do that. I'm done, for good. I'm not holding my breath. I don't think he has the maturity to do this.

I agree Seb, this is the script. If they care for you, you will become the one they hate. Sad. What a terrible disorder. Mine would rather spend his time with others who could care less about him and treat him bad. Treat him good and it freaks him out!

[tuum est61]

tuum est61,  yes, of course I can and should not respond. However, I am weak! ... .  after having so many silent treatments, even these weird connections seem exciting... .  sad but true. I know its not healthy and not good for detaching.

Yes, we are weak, but we are here because we aren't ill, just injured, and we want to mend, right?  Responding to this sort of contact seems to be whacking the cast on your arm with a hammer!

Much is made of how social media can mess things up for us, and it does allow us to do things we wouldn't ordinarily do.  It's especially troublesome when one of the participants is personality disordered.  The thing is, we don't have to look and we certainly don't have to respond. 

Now, on to my diet - after I celebrate my brother in laws birthday with pizza and cake.   

[almost789]

absolutely, it is like whacking your arm cast. I know it is the reason I have not been able to heal quickly. But, I am detaching alot more. I sent him one last email that I was moving on and what he does or doesn't do was no longer my concern. And I really do mean it. What do I want with these kind of games? I don't feel like I'm in love with him anymore. I'm finally seeing him for what he is, rather than the fantasy we had the first few months. I've cut way back with the checking on him and I honestly do not plan on responding again to anything.