Taxes

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I have consulted with a friend who is a finanacial advisor for advice on a how to plan and prepare.  Most of our conversation was filling her in on the details of what's happened. She was more than supportive and told me that I won't have to do this alone. Very reassuring when I feel very lost and scared. 

I've started to gather financial documents. I am researching attorneys. UBPDH has not spoken to me in four weeks.  He is living in the basement pretty much and is in bed by 6:30 every night. We have children and it's getting very frustrating living with these conditions. 

Now is the time I typically schedule our tax appointment.  How would I handle this? I can only imagine this being a huge trigger... .  

[Mind]

I have consulted with a friend who is a finanacial advisor for advice on a how to plan and prepare.  Most of our conversation was filling her in on the details of what's happened. She was more than supportive and told me that I won't have to do this alone. Very reassuring when I feel very lost and scared. 

I've started to gather financial documents. I am researching attorneys. UBPDH has not spoken to me in four weeks.  He is living in the basement pretty much and is in bed by 6:30 every night. We have children and it's getting very frustrating living with these conditions. 

Now is the time I typically schedule our tax appointment.  How would I handle this? I can only imagine this being a huge trigger... .  

[scraps66]

I just rushed to get mine done, as I have the last two years, so my ex can't claim both children - which she has tried to do each of the last two years.  In your case, it sounds simple, I imagine you will file a joint return, so that part is a given.  Business as usual.  I think until a divorce is filed and the separation time clock starts, youwould still have to file a joint tax return. 

[mamachelle]

Hi Sparkle13

I used to call this time of year-- in a voice like jack Nicholson in The Shining

!BORDERLINE TAX TIME!

Because every year my H exBPdW or my exBPDH would do something usually involving fighting over tax deductions for the kiddos even though they were spelled out in the divorce agreenent -- or maybe taking all the money and buying something unresonable, or not wanting to file because money was owed ... .  Or illegally claiming a child before we could file forcing me and my NonH to file a special return with a letter... .  

It's a huge trigger so try to be as business like as possible. You are still married so his behavior in no way matters to the IRS

For my taxes, I just drop everything now with the accountant and H signs later,

could you just get everything taken care of and have him sign?

Not sure how complicated your taxes are?

At any rate, extensions can be filed if needed.

Again, as business like as possible and show no emotion if he is being unreasonable. Just walk away and leave the papers for him to sign if possible.

[Mind]

Scrap - Yes, I agree.  I spoke to someone last night who recommended filing jointly as we always have.  Nothing has been started and we are still living together. Just in complete chaos! I wasn't sure what way to go with this, so thanks. 

Mama - that is funny!  I usually make the appointment and he would meet me there, so I am going to propose that.

Dealing with all of this really is a one step at a time deal.  Easy to lose your focus if you look too far ahead... .  

[scraps66]

I think in most states now both parents have to sign the return?  I know our first return after separation I did it all without ex's signature.  Of course she then claimed I was proceeding without her consent - though I did split the return with her which I didn't have to cuzz i had been paying for everything.

Is there a chance that you can do this without him having to sign? Of course this could then lead to a trigger when, well, you would be doing what I did - without his consent.  haha.  Then again, there is always the opportunity to invent a trigger, so you're dnaged if you do, danged if you don't - no good deed goes unpunsihed and all that BPism stuff.

[ForeverDad]

About 10 years ago the IRS had us sent the pass codes for Federal electronic filing before we separated but hadn't used them.  I think it was the last year before separation TY2004 that my then spouse refused to sign out joint return.  (In hindsight I did have added red flags several months before the police got involved and we separated.)  So I just filed electronically.

Then once we had separated, and the next tax year the instructions said if filing electronically I needed a paper signature of both spouses to keep in my files, so I couldn't do as I did before.  I filed for the 6 month extension.  It wasn't until October with days to go that her lawyer told her to file jointly with me if I agreed to split the refund with her.  I paid extra for a tax accountant to do the calcs and filing, I wasn't going to risk her later claiming she never signed or that I forged her signature.

During the divorce you have the choice to file jointly or separately.  Once the divorce is final, you can't file jointly as I recall, but read the instructions to be sure of all the small print.

Advice:  Since for many of us the ex typically doesn't earn much and when deal time comes the ex wants a split of our overpaid withholding, try to keep the excess withholding to the bare minimum.  That way the pain of splitting our small refund won't hurt so bad.

[Had enough!]

My xbph would not sign our taxes for the last year we were married.  Per my lawyer, I filed as head of household and claimed all children.  He should have signed them when given the chance.

HE

[scraps66]

Prolly worth a dedicated post on the withholding.  It does make it a lot easier and less surprising at times if the withholding is kept in balance with your tax return.  In my case for several years my support was based on my pay stub alone.  I thought, great, this really isn't that bad.  But then come end of year, when they ask for the tax return, I was unpleasantly surprised with my updated arrears total.  Some lawyers don't even tell you how this works and the people in domestic relations only work with what they are given, pay stubs usually.  Took me a long time to figure this out cuzz no one told me. 

[tog]

My SO and his uN/BPDstxw separated 4 years ago. She has claimed SS13 every year since then.

This year, he sent her an email saying it was his turn per the court order and he would need her signature on a form since she has "primary custody" (I'm not sure she does, but whatever.) We figured it was pointless, but why not try.

She wrote back saying she would sign the form and giving SO times she could be available to do so. His lawyer sent an email saying    "I think she's going to comply!"

Miracles do happen.