I Need Help.

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi, my ex BPD gal has a new boyfriend, or hero made out of gold. we were together (on and off) for 3 years. 2 months after we were apart she found a victom. she has a 12 year old son who misses me, but he wont tell his mom that because he is afraid his mom will get mad at him for saying anything of the sort. Altho his mom didnt tell him not to talk to me anymore. She has made it clear that im not welcome at her place, and she will not respond to any of my calls, or texts. Im really happy she found someone else. This makes me feel less guilty. But I do feel bad for my ex BPD gal, and the new man because the relationship has NO chance of being healthy and they dont even know it yet. Anyway, im not sure what to do... Please give me some advice!   

[Truth in Ruin]

Hi, my ex BPD gal has a new boyfriend, or hero made out of gold. we were together (on and off) for 3 years. 2 months after we were apart she found a victom. she has a 12 year old son who misses me, but he wont tell his mom that because he is afraid his mom will get mad at him for saying anything of the sort. Altho his mom didnt tell him not to talk to me anymore. She has made it clear that im not welcome at her place, and she will not respond to any of my calls, or texts. Im really happy she found someone else. This makes me feel less guilty. But I do feel bad for my ex BPD gal, and the new man because the relationship has NO chance of being healthy and they dont even know it yet. Anyway, im not sure what to do... Please give me some advice!   

[Truth in Ruin]

Also, he does have his own phone... .  

[tog]

I'm not sure there is much you can do. In our case, my SO's own son can't seem to defy his mother's wishes that he not speak to his father when he's with her, so I doubt your ex's boy will be able to do so. Sad for him that he's lost someone he cares about, but if you try to contact him, it will likely get you in trouble.

As for feeling sorry for her, don't. Feel happy for yourself for getting out. 

[sad but wiser]

I'm sorry for your pain.  Please keep yourself emotionally and mentally healthy. Since your ex blames you and projects her own flaws onto you, of course she doesn't want your son hanging around you.  Makes sick but logical sense.  YOUR SON NEEDS YOU.  You are his father.  Concentrate on him and helping him get a grip.  Remember, he is still in the crazy situation.  Good luck!  Take care.

[tog]

It's not his son, that's the problem... .  she doesn't have to allow you to see him and probably won't.

[Matt]

I think you can let the boy know that you care about him and hope to see him, and that he's welcome to call you.

You could also maybe write to his mom and ask to maintain contact with her son.

If that doesn't work, you've done all you can.  It may help the boy a little to know that you want to stay in touch, but if his mom keeps him from contacting you, I don't think you can overcome that.

[sanemom]

This may seem very out of the box, but have you thought about creating a blog where you write him letters and let him know you are thinking about him?  Then, at some point, you could give him the link.  He is old enough that he probably has access to the internet at school.

I would definitely advise this if you were his father... .  

[Truth in Ruin]

Thanks for your input guys.

[sad but wiser]

Sorry, I misread that.  The boy still needs caring men in his life.  I like the blog or board idea, but be careful.  She could decide that you are contacting him for the wrong reasons.