A Who is this child? moment -ranting

[jbmom]

I think we say that so often. We took DD to visit a boarding school this past week. Very interesting, I could see her fitting in there, they have a lot of services that would be helpful. It isn't a therapeutic school but we are being warned against it from both the P & T as DD isn't that bad yet ( I don't get what the threshold would be -- maybe sex with another kid or drugs).

So I asked two teachers for recommendations... .  and heard back from the b-school to clarify something. What was crazy -- the person from the b-school was like "I can see <<>> is a favorite at her school! I can't wait to get to know her better, the teachers both spoke of her great sense of humor"

I was like Whaaat? My kid has zero sense of humor. She is so literal we have to explain things to her sometimes. My first instinct was that they reviewed the wrong kid, though both know her well and the next line proved it. " we were instructed to talk to guidance by both teachers about her emotional stability, do you have time to talk?"

There it is. So I will have a call with the admissions person later today or so to go over her emotional issues. Though we had already spoken lightly about it... .  she must have forgotten with all the kids they interview.

So next part -- DD has been good for the past two weeks. Like really nice to be around. So I know something it going on. I wish I could just enjoy these times. Well we get the scoop from our sitter... .  she is secretly dating her exBF though got dumped again when she refused to provide him with pictures. So she moved onto his best friend -- who is a good boy and too boring for her... .  so she now has a crush on a girl. Find out she tells all, except us about this... .  so I am sure the rumor mills are bursting at the seems now. DD even has some boys randomly ask for pictures -- so her reputation is really great right now.

It pisses me off so much that she would rather be known as the school whore/slut etc, than known for the good stuff she does.

Done ranting now

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jellibeans]

Have you thought about taking her phone away? Sounds like she is really impulsive right now... .  I guess I look at it this way... .  it is her choices and her reputation that is getting hurt... .  try not to take it personally. Everyone makes mistakes when they are young so try to look at it that she is learning some valuable lessons. I just think you can try to control her by taking away privileges ... .  

[lbjnltx]

Hi jbmom,

May I ask, what is the purpose of your d going to a boarding school?  What kind of support will she receive while there for her disorder?

The sexting and passing of leud pictures over the internet is so troubling and hurtful... .  been there too.

Does your d know that it is illegal?  It is considered child pornography to use the internet to send or receive inappropriate pics?

[jbmom]

LBJ -- we are trying to keep options open. We know our HS is not right for her, she is refusing to look at private schools in the area becuase most kiddos from her last school spread out through them. She is running through friends like crazy.

Things are not really right, or great, though we have good moments now and then.  We have head two school years that have been identical with issues, and therapy or medication is not changing it.  We are at that point to consider whether we need a bigger change or we will have more of the same... .  though we have been advised against therapeutic schools by both T & P.

The school we found has all she needs -- dance focus, learning skills support and therapeutic options.  The biggest problem is its a 4 hour drive. We will wait to see if the school accepts her. THey have been very forthcoming that they are okay with her grades, IEP, etc. They think she would fit in well with the dance program. The last piece was the emotional stability which we discussed last week.

Part of it -- DD is very well behaved at school. She responds well to school authority -- just not parental authority. Our thoughts are to remove our selves from some hot topics (grades, studying, dating, boys) and leave it to someone else to enforce in an attempt to build a different relationship with her.  We have spoken to several folks who decided to let their kids board and it has changed relationships for the better.

We are not sure this is the year to do it, maybe next year. But this school would be such a controlled environment at the same time giving her more independence. We don't have a crystal ball to say it would work out, but feel it may be worth trying.

[jbmom]

On the other hand-- we have seen positive response from her... .  like she said no to both boys on the picture request. But the fact that they ask, and then one dumped her when she said no... .  is the worry.  She seems to be a good target for the less moral kids.