why m I wasting my time?

[benny2]

From all that I have read and experienced with my UBPD bf its impossible for them to have a close relationship. He has been married 2 times, so I know he is capable of a commitment, however, he cheated on his first wife pretty much thoughout the entire marriage. I moved in with him and he started cheating on me with his ex wife. It was like I became her and she became the other woman. I moved out and he imediately wanted to work things out, as soon as we started getting close again and I wanted a commited relationship things began to step back. I tried to end it, but he never lets me go. Now we are at a friends with benefits relationship in which he seems to be comfortable with. I am not. I feel I deserve better. He got me to move in with him and leave my home with the understanding that I was the love of his life and he was going to spend the rest of his life with me. He completely menipualated me into moving in and now I cannot be happy being his casual friend with benefits. He tells me he just needs to get his head together, that he wants to be with me but does not want to hurt me anymore. I am beginning to think there is no hope here and I am wasting my time.

[Somewhere]

Do you need someone to give you permission to go?

Here it is.  Go.  Just Go.

No kids, are there?

Go.

[j4c]

If someone else wrote the same opening post as you did asking the same questions you did... .  what would YOU advise to do Diane?

[gail48]

How long have you been involved with this man?

Believe me, I know it's hard to walk away. You can have everyone in your ear telling you the right thing to do, but you won't be able to do it until YOU convince yourself. You do deserve better, trust me!

[Surnia]

Diane 

You are not living together. He cheated on you. What keeps you in the relationship? Imagine you would tell him you are done - how do you feel with it?

[benny2]

I have told him that I am done and I know I should block his number when I do because I always end up talking to him again and then it just starts all over. I have known this man for 17 years and did not know of these issues until I moved in with him. I think what makes it even harder is I am all alone now. My kids have moved away and I have no one. I spent all my spare time with him. I have tried dating but I'm just not ready yet. I do know that he will not, or cannot change so any normal relationship with him will never be.

[Surnia]

I think what makes it even harder is I am all alone now. My kids have moved away and I have no one. I spent all my spare time with him.

Perhaps this needs to be addressed first! You need to build a healthier social net around you. I am not talking about dating. You need hobbies, friends. What about CODA meetings?