SD4 is not big enough for a booster seat in a car

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Ok-

Well... .  maybe bring along a camera or a friend as a "witness" if possible. I know folks on the legal board would have more input into these things but given that she is behaving oddly then I would not personally recommended going it alone as it sounds rather chaotic and difficult.

In my world, I only do the exchanges now when DH is unable to do them. They are ok but BPDmom and I are on decent terms for the most part and she is fairly regulated at the exchanges for the moment because she is not living in town and has to fly in and has a DUI so she can't rent a car so she needs my help. I always had exchanges at mcdonalds or some place with exBPDH. Not sure if your exchanges are public or not. Again, would suggest public exchanges as well, though that does not guarantee good behavior either.

Looks like there will be some changes going on, and I'm sure you and DH will figure it out. My H and I have muddled through and both of us have some flexibility in our work.  I have a lot of flexibility actually thank goodness! DH also makes 2x as much as me though so I defer to his schedule most of the time as he is the key to getting my 6 kiddos though college... .  (he works at a university)

[mamachelle]

Ok-

Well... .  maybe bring along a camera or a friend as a "witness" if possible. I know folks on the legal board would have more input into these things but given that she is behaving oddly then I would not personally recommended going it alone as it sounds rather chaotic and difficult.

In my world, I only do the exchanges now when DH is unable to do them. They are ok but BPDmom and I are on decent terms for the most part and she is fairly regulated at the exchanges for the moment because she is not living in town and has to fly in and has a DUI so she can't rent a car so she needs my help. I always had exchanges at mcdonalds or some place with exBPDH. Not sure if your exchanges are public or not. Again, would suggest public exchanges as well, though that does not guarantee good behavior either.

Looks like there will be some changes going on, and I'm sure you and DH will figure it out. My H and I have muddled through and both of us have some flexibility in our work.  I have a lot of flexibility actually thank goodness! DH also makes 2x as much as me though so I defer to his schedule most of the time as he is the key to getting my 6 kiddos though college... .  (he works at a university)

[newlymarried]

We always do exchanges at police stations, so everything is filmed. It is a way of insuring that BPDxw acts in a restrained way. When my husband goes to exchanges and has to talk with BPDxw, it is all recorded. BPDxw knows that everything is recorded so she behaves, mostly.

[newlymarried]

I am hoping for a lot of changes actually. I am getting close to 40 and have not had any biokids, and am working on changing that. I also want to go back to school. Life will be chaotic, but in a good way.

[DreamGirl]

I am hoping for a lot of changes actually. I am getting close to 40 and have not had any biokids, and am working on changing that. I also want to go back to school. Life will be chaotic, but in a good way.

Good.

Good.

Good.

The disordered soul in my life tends to take up far too much of my time and energy when I allow her.

She's just a person I have to deal with. That's all.

No need to hyperfocus - even when she's wanting me to. 

[mamachelle]

All sounds good. Police station transfers and she is still acting up = not so much fun.

As for later in life parenting, well, I had my last at 41. oy! Which is not unusual these days or in the past either. Lots of us were surprises for our parents as many told me when I was pregnant with my last who is now almost 2.

At any rate, given your plans at growing the family, then I would seriously seriously look at getting your H to handle the exchanges for your own sanity and well being as your belly may trigger a lot of emotions. Sorry to belabor a point. You sound like a great stepmama and I know you will be an awesome biomom too.

Glad you are here with us on the boards.  

[tog]

Yes, I have to agree. Beware of taking on his problem for him (after all, you didn't knock her up or marry her  ). I promise you will get resentful of him if you have to deal with all of this and he doesn't. If she is triggered by him being at exchanges, then he has to figure out a solution.

When I first started out with my SO I was gung-ho to help him deal with his court battles. Now I mostly stay out as much as humanly possible. I thought if I helped it would at some point settle down: NEWSFLASH. It never settles down and it will eat up my life if I let it. As for parenting, I don't do any, but I'm not in a position where I need to do any of that.

[newlymarried]

Thanks you very much. At the exchanges, I don't talk to her, except if there has been a change. I don't have contact with the crazy, when she calls to talk to kiddo; I just give kiddo the phone. I have never talked to her electronically either. When my husband and I first started she sent me a couple of nasty messages via facebook, now she is blocked from doing that. She can't talk to me, my husband has to talk to her. He will only discuss child care issues with her. I don't mind the exchanges, however when I get pregnant; she will lose her mind. I try and keep my family sheltered from her.

[motherof1yearold]

In my honest opinion I believe children should be kept in 5 point harness car seats as long as possible because they are just SO much safer. Why rush things? I kept my 18 month old rear facing and she still rides rear facing sometimes.

[newlymarried]

her absurdity is now comical. Kiddo came back with a booster seat from biomom after last exchange. After my husband and I got into the car and drove away, I just started laughing because any other response would have been fruitless. 

[DreamGirl]

her absurdity is now comical. Kiddo came back with a booster seat from biomom after last exchange. After my husband and I got into the car and drove away, I just started laughing because any other response would have been fruitless. 

Booster seats really are so much easier.

My middle stepdaughter took awhile to "graduate" to a booster seat - she's tiny (in the 1-percentile for her height and weight).

I was so excited when she hit that 40lb benchmark. 

[tog]

her absurdity is now comical. Kiddo came back with a booster seat from biomom after last exchange. After my husband and I got into the car and drove away, I just started laughing because any other response would have been fruitless. 

Standard stuff. This is why it doesn't pay to get too reactive to her behavior, since it's probably not that important anyway.

My SO's stbxw does this stuff all.the.time. She writes manifestos about how SO controls SS13's clothes and then she makes SS bring clothes back to her house. Or about how SO lets SS go out in the winter in shorts and then she lets him wear shorts to school the next week. Or about how SO lets him play too many video games and then she buys him a gaming computer.

It's called projection. She was probably already using a booster seat when she said that stuff to you. Or had thought about it.

[newlymarried]

I try not to react to her at all, at least where she can see it. I come here because this is a safe place to vent my frustrations.

[tog]

Absolutely. It's hard not to react to such craziness.