Silver Linings Playbook

[twojaybirds]

I just saw the movie and was moved  :)then disgruntled.  

The main character's portrayal of bipolar was well done as well as the family's coping skills. Even dad's OCD.  As with the overlap of many mental ilness I saw pieces of my daughter in him and me in the parents.

However the girlfriend has all the symptoms of BPD yet it is never mentioned and she is just considered "crazy" and "a slut". Her mood swings, use of percription drugs, sex, statment " I can't take care of myself", fear of rejection... .  

I think  :light:I will write them and ask why the other diagnosis' are so well named but not this one.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jellibeans]

I saw this movie too... .  I thought it was funny and entertaining... .  but the ending was something I hard a hard time with... .  I don't think it would really end like that in real life. That is what I found disappointing... everyone loves a happy ending but that is just not how it goes.

[Reality]

I loved the movie... .  thought it was a brilliant portrayal of How Everyone Is a Bit Crazy, de-pathologizing the mi.

Myself, I wondered if the guy wasn't BPDish himself.  Once he became connected with the girl, had a goal, stood up for himself, exercised a lot,  he seemed so different.  His moods seemed to be situationally connected rather than chemically, plus they were short-lived.  I would love to have feedback on this, as I think the recognition of BPD in the public realm is key.

Twojaybirds, I agree.  For sure, the girl was BPD.  

I loved the ending and I thought it was realistic.  Once pwBPD live well, exercise, eat and sleep well, once they are connected to others, once they have sufficient structure, once they have good luck, I think the recovery is indeed possible.  One good friend goes a long way... .  

Reality

[mamachelle]

  I was waiting for someone to post about this film. I saw it last month. (spoiler alert---)

I actually liked the ending because in too many films the woman that is considered a slut or crazy gets fixed by finding a prince charming leading many to think they can "fix" someone. I like that she is living in her parent's back lot like so many adult children with mental illness who really can not go out on their own. Sure she has a very nice set up but it is explained in a way that makes sense. I like that he is living with his parents. No kids.

I enjoyed much of the dialogue, loved the haircut stuff, all the game rituals, the codependent mom, the friends, the psychiatrist and the waiting room music... .  all of it was just real and funny enough to work for a movie and it really rang true in a way that very few movies showing mental illness have for me.

just my .02

[twojaybirds]

I liked the ending because it wasn't an idealistic ending that everyone was cured.  In fact people with all types of m.i. do better in solid loving relationships.  Nothing indicated they were med-free or problems all solved just some calmness for the moment.

[almostvegan]

I started another thread about this back in December. Hated the movie. Made me so uncomfortable.

Peace

AV

[Being Mindful]

I did not care for the movie. It had too many triggers for me. The ending while I wished seemed possible is that one person will make all the difference in the world for the mentally ill to be well.

[DogDancer]

All hello,

I saw Silver Linings last night. I liked it. I felt it was a pretty good depiction of bipolar, or rather, Pat's flavor of it. It's hard to portray mental illnesses authentically, I believe, in part, not just because of societal stigma and stereotypes, but because although there *are* commonalities for a Dx, there are ranges of severity, subtypes and the individual's personality, background and circumstances. All these things make it difficult to depict without sliding into stereotypes. It's also one of the reasons it can be difficult to put a DX to BPD even when we're living right in the middle of it and KNOW something is really off!

[Spoiler]

I thought it was accurate and good to see that they showed the character Pat having kind moments, even before he gallantly was sticking up for Tiffany when the guy that she'd slept with who showed up. Pat, in the moment, engaged, truly saw what was going on, spoke truth to the guy: She's lonely, she's upset, she's partly broken but healing, don't do this, you're a better guy than this -- even as he firmly escorted him away. And he also spoke truth to Tiffany: Are you calling him when you're lonely? Don't do that. You encourage him. I say I like this because the flickering of empathy and the inability to engage with other people's needs and emotions, and the seeming narcissistic self-absorption of someone with biopolar who is having a mood swing are all so very true. And exasperating. And yet, it doesn't make the one who is ill completely devoid of even a shred of their decency or ability to connect even when actively ill or in early recovery.

And that was a theme: As Pat started doing the right self-care things -- taking his meds regularly, continuing to exercise, continuing to go to therapy, continuing to be among his family, reconnecting with his family and closest buddy, forgiving himself and them, he *did* become kinder and less narcissistic and calmer and not only more himself, but a more healed version of himself.

What was troubling to me, though, like for others here, is the fact that no Dx was ever even mentioned for Tiffany. She certainly seemed to have BPD traits: anger, acting out, promiscuity and seduction as emotional balm, false accusations against Pat, slapping him, a pattern of not getting along, depression etc... However, the fact that she had experienced a serious loss, the death of her husband, almost seemed to serve as camouflage -- and an excuse for the film *not* to truly address -- what her "deal" really was.

I can sort of justify it in my head as, well, maybe she hadn't really received a Dx yet. I think it would have rung a little more true for me, and left me feeling a little less uncomfortable -- although I did enjoy the movie very much -- if they'd at least shown Tiffany and Pat having one more direct conversation about it. Kind of like the early, rather over the top conversation at the dinner table about all the meds they'd been on. If the director had included another conversation, even a snippet, in which either Tiffany mentioned a possible personality disorder or even a strong of potential Dx (the usually suspects -- ADHD, PTSD, bipolar) that tend to be affixed before BPD, then it would have rung more true. Even if she'd said "The T doesn't know; we've been through an alphabet. We're just... .  continuing," I would have felt better.

I, as others, however, was left uncomfortable that there was this remaining, unaddressed elephant in the room: her illness. I think that's really triggering for those of us who grew up with a BPD parent or have had a partner, because so often there has been no Dx. However, Tiffany was clearly in intensive therapy and had been for a while... .  so why no mention or allusion to Dx?

Anyway, I still enjoyed it although it did hit close to the bone for me, too, clearly. I hope we'll see more families in movies in which one or more members (usually more!) are dealing with mental illness. It's all around us! It *is* reality. And we're not alone. if ~20 percent of the population has a mental health Dx of some variety, it's the rare, rare family that isn't affected to some degree, and then if we include all those with whom we're friends, neighbors and co-workers, well, it's a major part of everyone's lives. Shame, be gone! Direct, loving engagement and appropriate care by and for all!

Peace and healing for us,

DogDancer

[mamachelle]

I just asked my NonH who works in the film industry and is also a screenwriter why he thinks they don't identify Tiffany's character as BPD.

he said, "It's because most people don't know what the hell Borderline is. When my (social worker) sister said to me that she thought exBPDw was a Borderline I said, on the Borderline of what?"

Also, I work in the media industry as well, and am around these people that make decisions about what gets put into films, though not in Hollywood.

Both my H and I can see what a small miracle it is a film like this even gets made at all.

That being said, if you want to analyze it further, Tiffany is a secondary character. The only ones privy to her DX would have been her, her sister and her mother.

So, I also wonder how many of the BPD's in our lives identify as Borderline themselves.

If you look at Pat's mom, her co-dependency is also a major un identified issue that nearly costs her all their savings over and over again.

Honestly, the way the terms are thrown around for bipolar in this movie it is kind of like someone who says every time they are sick they have the 'flu'. Obviously there is Bipolar with psychosis, Bipolar with OCD, Bipolar that looks like Schizophrenia. I think most uneducated would just say tiffany is Bipolar as well. Which I guess she could be of the rapid cycling type... .  

I guess for me in the end, this is one of those films that I can point to and say,

"Oh, did you see that film, well the character of tiffany is kind of a textbook, semi self-aware, pwBPD in her early 20's with no kids and on meds and in therapy and has no major addictions, and is of average intelligence"

Again, I hope this helps explain that the film industry is working to amuse the lowest common denominator in the audience and so the fact that they even touch on mental illness with all these macho characters is pretty cool. I think I haven't seen this since the Sopranos. That show went on for like  a decade and I don't think the mother's dx of Borderline came out until like the 7th season.

[DogDancer]

What you've said makes a lot of sense, mamachelle.

Great metaphor for bipolar = the "flu" of mental health: Something pretty bad but not unusual, no other specifics necessary. More than a bit of movie-land simplification in that, as you say, but yes, at least the movie got made.

Interesting about Pat's mom. I agree and suspect that many people will not see her as co-dependent but rather as a supportive wife. Or, perhaps, a put-upon wife from an older generation who accepts her husband for all his "flaws" -- including untreated OCD. Which says a lot about our society.

Change doesn't happen fast, eh. Recognition of issues and getting help for things and getting appropriate labels and vocabulary to discuss them through correct Dx and then treatment... .  it takes time for us to move away from denial and misunderstanding and shame and inaction and purposeful "burying" of the issue/problematic person or as our default modes to get to these things.

Bothers, me still, though, 'chelle, that the female lead integral to the plot -- secondary though she might be to Pat and his family -- and her "crazy" didn't warrant any name. Not even a brief one-time reference to a PD, also nonspecific, parallel to Pat's nonspecific BP, or to say that she's BP (of some sort), too. Which smacks just a little bit too much of the hers-just-ain't-as-important -- she's female crazy. And that involves being a "slut." Naturally.

Peace and healing to us who star in our own lives! 

DogDancer

[twojaybirds]

I am going to write a letter to the Oscar Committee asking how they picked Jennifer Lawrence in SIlver Linings since he dx was not know how did they know what she was supposed to be acting likle... .  yet if there had been refernce to BPD or at the very least PD then it would make more sence.

Of course I will be muich more eloquant and support their decision because she did do BPD well, but who know but us.

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Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Rose Tiger]

I was glad to see this discussed as I recently saw this movie, I ordered it on DVR and watched it a few times.  Some of Pat's character felt BPD to me.  Jennifer Lawrence felt more depressive/bipolar.  I didn't see her being all needy like a BPD but Pat was, where is my wedding video and I don't care who I wake up, yammering in his parents' bedroom about a book, throwing said book through a window.  Jennifer and her deceased husband started having issues when he started wanting to have kids, that's where she backed off on sex because 'she could barely take care of herself, let alone kids'.  Then her husband dying, while taking action to jump start their sex life, I think that set her on a path of having sex with anyone... . the guilt of not having sex with her husband, indirectly caused his death, becoming a sex addict was some sort of atonement.

The ending had me thinking... . ok, what happens when he paints her black and turns on her in a few months?     I just think his issues were way more than bipolar.

[mggt]

Hi all, Have not seen movie and dont think I will sounds true to life and I feel I live it every day and would be too depressed afterwards  :'( :'(

[Vivgood]

Trite, formulaic and facile. He did do manic really well, tho. Wanted to smack the mom. repeatedly. probably reminded me of my mom too much, HA!


vivgood