Feeling worn down, not using skills

[WorkingOnIt505]

I'm just at a point where I've said "f*&% it". I'm gonna be myself, go where I want to go, do what I want to do. I've been leaving if I don't like where the fight is going, I've been making more time with friends. Yet this seems to be negatively affecting the relationship. Anyone else encounter this?

Being yourself just makes everything worse between the two of you. I think a lot of it is that fact that I can make others laugh, want to be around me, and not have to tip toe around anything and I've stopped doing it with her. Kind of a take it or leave it situation. Just weird, feeling value in yourself and realizing that maybe she just isn't right because she only sees the values she wants.

[tuum est61]

Hey WOI,

Great screen name!  

It's a good reminder to yourself that you are indeed "working on it", since you can't depend on your pwBPD doing so.

It's not a surprise that you will get tired of working on it - don't be too hard on yourself.

Setting a boundary and leaving to spend some time away is fine. It's one of the skills.  For best results, hopefully your aren't just going off and doing your thing after a fight.  :)o so when there no fight on.  But its probably important to tell her when you are going to do so - even though it can cause her distress.  To the extent it does, employ another skill - validation - when she raises concern about your "new approach" to looking after yourself.  

I guess I am saying is try not to go "No Contact" as you begin to look after yourself.  Talk to her - as triggering as that may be.