Post #51 - Introduction to Personal Inventory Board

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Hello inventory travellers ---

I am 46, female, with two teens from my first marriage, married to uBPDh/alcoholic for one year, currently separated and separated most of our marriage.  I've been on bpdfamily.com since last fall which was about the same time I began therapy. It's been an incredible experience, not all bad but very difficult nonetheless.

What I have learned about myself so far:

- Co-dependent

- Family of origin issues - mother with strong narcissistic traits

- Lonely child - identify very much with 2010's post about the Lonely Child so I probably have some narcissistic tendencies myself

My T thinks my issues stem from the r/s with my mother, that I have some emotional maturity issues - namely have a hard time naming/expressing emotions, and that basically I seek frustrating and confusing relationships in an attempt to fix the feelings I have had with my mom.  This is my second marriage to an emotionally unavailable man so I have a pattern.  The first was the father of my children who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in our 20s and refused medication/treatment.

Last summer I finally recognized the patterns in the r/s with uBPDh, who changed shortly after we married, after a lot of confusion and anger on my part.  My feelings, thoughts, and behavior were upsetting because it didn't seem like me, who I thought I was.  My own feelings, thoughts, and behavior did not seem to mesh with my values and character.  This is what led me to research the symptoms our relationship and therapy.  That's when I found bpdfamily.com.

I read about who should post on this site and here I am.  But I'm not sure what to do next in my inventory.  I post on the undecided board.  Any advice is appreciated!

Daze

[daze]

Hello inventory travellers ---

I am 46, female, with two teens from my first marriage, married to uBPDh/alcoholic for one year, currently separated and separated most of our marriage.  I've been on bpdfamily.com since last fall which was about the same time I began therapy. It's been an incredible experience, not all bad but very difficult nonetheless.

What I have learned about myself so far:

- Co-dependent

- Family of origin issues - mother with strong narcissistic traits

- Lonely child - identify very much with 2010's post about the Lonely Child so I probably have some narcissistic tendencies myself

My T thinks my issues stem from the r/s with my mother, that I have some emotional maturity issues - namely have a hard time naming/expressing emotions, and that basically I seek frustrating and confusing relationships in an attempt to fix the feelings I have had with my mom.  This is my second marriage to an emotionally unavailable man so I have a pattern.  The first was the father of my children who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in our 20s and refused medication/treatment.

Last summer I finally recognized the patterns in the r/s with uBPDh, who changed shortly after we married, after a lot of confusion and anger on my part.  My feelings, thoughts, and behavior were upsetting because it didn't seem like me, who I thought I was.  My own feelings, thoughts, and behavior did not seem to mesh with my values and character.  This is what led me to research the symptoms our relationship and therapy.  That's when I found bpdfamily.com.

I read about who should post on this site and here I am.  But I'm not sure what to do next in my inventory.  I post on the undecided board.  Any advice is appreciated!

Daze

[HowPredictable]

Hello Daze,   

I can't offer help right now in the area of your own next steps, but I just wanted to welcome you to this Board.   Your background is very similar to my own (remarkably so, to be honest).   As with the rest of the bpdfamily site, I am sure you will find many like-minded and helpful people here.  I know I did.

[daze]

Thank you, HP.  I appreciate the welcome.

[doubleAries]

Hi daze!

What a familiar story! My mother is a sadistic personality disorder with borderline features, my father was a NPD alcoholic child molester, and I have a younger brother diagnosed ASPD. I thought all my problems would be solved when I could just grow up and move away from home. My first husband (I married at 16 to escape mommy dearest) was an anti-social personality disorder (ASPD) alcoholic. 2 years of that. At 19, I met the love of my life--an NPD drug addict womanizer. 5 years of that. Then I married a totally dysfunctional guy for 6 months. Now I am just seperating from a bipolar guy with psychotic features, ASPD and NPD after 18 years of "marriage". This one is a doozy, so it's taking a while to extract myself. Started therapy a year and a half ago.

This board is about examining ourselves and our own dysfunction, rather than rehashing what others have done to us. More about our reaction to what was done to us, I guess. Only makes sense that when we grow up in dysfunction, we learn to adapt, to cope. Then take those extreme coping skills out into the big wide world and wonder why we keep attracting situations and people that fit our coping skills!  

I am determined to change myself, even though it is difficult and engrained. I've tried hard to change the people around me for years. THAT sure hasn't worked! I've tried hard to rescue people so they will be grateful and reward me with the love and being valued I never got from my parents. That hasn't worked very well either. So here I am, on the journey of learning how to love and value myself.

Welcome aboard!

[daze]

DoubleAries,

Wow! That is a lot of pd in one lifetime. Lol, I am in good company on this board. Not really knowing about pds until recently, this is like a whole new world. I commend you for the progress you've made.

You said --- (I've gotta learn how to quote)

"Only makes sense that when we grow up in dysfunction, we learn to adapt, to cope. Then take those extreme coping skills out into the big wide world and wonder why we keep attracting situations and people that fit our coping skills!"

That's a great way to put it.  Very helpful.  Thank you!

Daze