push - pull ?

[tryingtohelp]

After having a nice trip away to a resort for two days with my dBPD SO and her child , (four weeks ago) a time where we were all close and without conflict , a nice normal holiday (yay) 

Two days later she phones me and asks if I'd like to meet her at a popular beach in the city, it was a nice summer day so I drove 30 miles to meet her. ( I had work I needed to be doing but put it aside ) I parked the car, couldn't find her (it's a small beach)  I searched, walking from one end to the other, no sign of her. I sent her a txt, asking where she was, she said she was by an umbrella with some advertising on it, there were only 3 beach umbrellas there, couldn't see her by any of them!  She was sitting under the sea wall, very near to where I had parked in the first place!  It all felt like she was playing a little game.

I got little acknowledgement from her when she saw me, so I went and played with her child for a few minutes by the water, she got up and came and took him by the hand and took him away from me saying he needed to play with children his own age etc .  ( she has done this before when she's in a bad mood)  normally she likes me to play with him.

She suggested I go in for a swim, so I did for a few minutes, and while I was in the water, she packed up her things and left,  just disappeared into the crowd and left me standing there having driven all that way to see her , having been invited to do so. 

She has been generally unpleasant and distant since then , avoiding all of my attempts at seeing her.   She had made plans to come and stay for that weekend,  I received a text to say she would be spending the weekend 'by the pool' etc, in other words she wasn't coming.

The next day she sent a txt to apologise for her behaviour at the beach.( saying it was her'cycle'

She said she'd like to come stay the following weekend,and couldn't wait till friday to come and stay.

I told her it would be nice to have another holiday away somewhere again sometime soon. She replied saying how nice that would be. I told her I loved being with her, I received a swift response telling me to 'lay off'! Followed by the cancellation of a second planned visit.

I have received some nice texts from her in between the bad behaviour, often late at night saying 'Miss u xx'  and nice little thoughts like that.

Essentially, she has been avoiding all my attempts at seeing her since our trip away except for that disastrous day at the beach. Is this connected in some way to the classic push-pull cycle? 

This is emotionally very draining. I have been through a lot of this sort of behaviour over the last 5 years with her. It feels like she no longer wants me at the moment, maybe I have outgrown my use to her? Do they just move on and find someone else to use up ?

[ohmygosh]

Anything could have been going on.  They are so impulsive she may have found someone else she wanted to hang out with while you were driving there.  She probably was texting or phoning someone else by the time you got there.  Trip away would work better cause it would have removed local distractions.

[ohmygosh]

It wouldn't have been not wanting to be with you more likely not wanting someone else she was meeting to meet you. There would be two reasons for that 1 hiding the truth about herself from the person she with.  2ndly saying she is meeting you could also be a way of pushing someone away is "am to busy I am meeting my mom". Having done that through fear of abandonment she then pulls the 3rd party back and mom is suddenly in the way.  I was a partner of a cheating BPD who constantly used her mum as a boundry for spending time appart from me with other motives.

[tryingtohelp]

I know what you mean by having others on the go at the same time... .  one time when she was staying at my place for a weekend, wearing a classy dress I had bought for her, she texted another guy saying ' I'm wearing a pretty green dress tonite'    They are never satisfied for more than five minutes.

[ohmygosh]

The important thing I guess is that she knows you are there.  Is she diagnosed? Getting herself help?

[ohmygosh]

I once said to the lady I met with BPD that it would be good to meet her mum one day.  She said things like "you might not like what you hear about me" also once "she might crack onto you" in fear.