Consult

[Mind]

After many, many years of episodes of pain, emotional scars, abandonment and hurt,  uBPDH filed. My next step is to meet with a few attorneys.

Is there anything I should know when attending a consultation? I have a short list of standard questions.   I want to pick up the Splitting book, but not sure if I will have it before then.

I'm very unsettled right now living in the same house with him. I can't breathe. I can't relax.  He has shown instances of using a tape recorder.  He's gone out drinking every night. He's made threats about custody.  He took my daughter to stay overnight at a family member's house without my consent, telling me I don't have any control anymore. He stated he will stay in the house until custody is settled.   

I feel very suffocated and scared.  I know that down the road I will be much better, safer, happier and healthier than this life I've ever lived with him.

[stuckinbetween]

Hi Sparkle,

You're not alone.  Many, if not most, of us, have been in your situation.  Your PDh is extremely controlling.  My stbNPDx swore he wouldn't leave, even though he's the one who wanted the divorce.  He abandoned us in every way except with his physical presence.  Eventually he did leave, but refused to support his house or family.  Now is a terrible time for you.  Keep pressuring him to leave and be away for as long as possible.  If you have kids at home, he may not want to leave for fear of being seen as an abandoner.  Can you get a temporary parenting plan in place so he sees that as less of a threat?

Stuckinbetween

[Mind]

Yes, it's just awful for me and the children. He won't talk to me. He won't look at me.  He has no involvement in any discussion with anything having to do with the children.  He can't hold a normal conversation with me and hasn't for a very long time. Every talk is a fight.  Except the one over the weekend and I think he recorded it because it seemed very fake to me. He said he wants me to be able to come to him to talk? Since when!   I can't.  His lawyer told him to stay until custody has been decided on. 

He told me he fell out of love with me a long time ago.  Over the weekend he told me he thought we'd rebuild our marriage after he recovers from surgery!

I might have some hope, going through some old records.  He should have thought about this when he left for four days last year and slept elsewhere.   Please, please, please, let there be hope for me. 

So, my guess is no, I cannot work with him on a parenting plan. I've given up on reasoning with him a long time ago.