You have to hand it to them

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi folks

Just a more comical view you have to hand it to them.  Fool us all, leave us feeling like the world is about to end while we long for them while they play around with someone else.  They are little magnets arn't they!

Regards

[ohmygosh]

Hi folks

Just a more comical view you have to hand it to them.  Fool us all, leave us feeling like the world is about to end while we long for them while they play around with someone else.  They are little magnets arn't they!

Regards

[Clearmind]

Yes and in all honesty it does take two to tango - we play a role.

What’s happening right now ohmygosh?

[ohmygosh]

Absolutely nothing with x, yes that's a good point.  Am in the process of rebuilding my life.  With time it's getting better, was venting a bit yesterday. Bit of a pointless post, sory folks.

[Clearmind]

No post is pointless - there is a reason for it.

you are undecided Ohmygosh?

[wanttoknowmore]

Ohmygosh,

you are right. I was wondering why they have this power over us? I never had any such feeling of weakness in my past relationships. I lowered myself to point of almost begging for her to contact me... .  this is not me... never was.

[ohmygosh]

Yes they do.  I can't explain my behaviour at times either.  Is why I came hear.  Not even sure if I am undecided or have any decisions to make unless I am contacted by her again.  Thankfully I have just started a new job which gets my mind off it for some of the day.  Been good to get a better understanding of BPD will be better equipted in the future.  Hard to handle knowing you have lived under an illusion when the truth comes crashing down.  Throw in feeling sorry for them when you discover how much they are suffering.   

[PDQuick]

Awesome honesty!

I lowered myself to point of almost begging for her to contact me... .  this is not me... never was.

Kudos to you Wanttoknowmore! That is the most honest thing I have read all night.

I was wondering why they have this power over us?

Now, phrasing the question in a way that is productive, and honest: Why did we give them the power over us?

This question will give you the best chance for a good answer. Any takers?

[benny2]

what gives them power over us? Thats a question I have asked myself many times along with my friends and family. I am also not a person to allow anyone to do this. He has not let me go for 17 years and I keep letting him back into my life. Its insane! The only answer I can come up with, and I have told him, he is my weakness. I think I hang on to good in him, because the good is awesome, but the bad is very ugly. I know I have to let go. Its to the point where I cannot even tell anyone I am seeing him because of embarassment. I believe it is also that way for him. I was in a loveless marriage for years and I think he just gave me everything I needed at the time. Now none of it makes any sense at all. I will say something good did come out of it and that was he has shown me that I can love again and I will with someone that can love me back.

[wanttoknowmore]

Thanks PDQuick,

I have been pondering over the same question... trying to undestand why could lower myself to this level and lost some of my self respect. I think I still care about her and I see she is headed for a lot of trouble in future. I am a "resquer" i feel urge to resque people whi I feel love for. May be it is my narcisism but this narcisism ,in reality has helped  many.

She has shared so much with me about her pain,her fears, her problems etc that I know she is suffering badly but can not see the cause due to denial.

I lowered myself thinking if that keeps her engaged ... its OK ... it might allow me to help her as I have more knowledge and more understanding of her condition. Lastly, I have experienced the connection with her which felt like devine and feel really grateful for her to give me those glimpses of what love feels like. When I feel grateful to some one, I feel like paying back and balance the account.