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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: 10 years ago today  (Read 530 times)
kklblue
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Gender: Female
Posts: 1677


« on: February 28, 2013, 02:50:05 PM »

10 years ago today I found this site.  Things have changed, I am no longer in that relationship with my BPD exbf.  People have come and gone the board has changed.

But through all of this I am thankful everyday that I found the book and read it.  You will heal in time.

I have moved on  - life if fantastic.

Good luck to all in your journey.
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glacier_glider
AKA "Uncomfortably Numb"
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 100


« Reply #1 on: February 28, 2013, 04:43:48 PM »

Thank you!    Being cool (click to insert in post)
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fakename
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 444


« Reply #2 on: February 28, 2013, 10:40:57 PM »

When you were on the boards 10 years ago, were you undecided on whether you wanted to stay or not?

Did you leave him or he left you?

How long did you try to make it work(if you did) after you came to these boards?

What factors helped you make the decision to move on without him?

Do you think it is worth ignoring certain values and morals you thought you once held dear to stick around and try to make the r/a work?

Thanks
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kklblue
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« Reply #3 on: March 14, 2013, 07:54:36 AM »

I will say it this way. I wanted to leave in 1999.  I found this site in 2003.  I had thought by finding this site it would help me "fix" him.  But in reality it made me realize that while mentally ill he has to want to fix himself and do it.

He to this day has never stuck with any sort of plan has been in and out of jail, treatment.  I left him in 2005.  He was extremely violent and I had to just "disappear".

The only regrets I have is how much of myself was lost during those years.  I was not a happy person.

Remember take care of yourself first
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