Therapist thinks it is just drama but I'm really worried about SS10 thinking

[mamachelle]

I sent this email to my SS10 therapist this morning before therapy (see below)

(SS10 is dx emerging bipolar or mood disorder-nos

I think he has many BPD traits.)

She told me last week his behavior was a lot of drama when I sent an email about some of his behaviors others on this board have said remind them of their kids on the autism spectrum as well as some recent over dramatic school injuries or illnesses.

Today she saw him and worked out the talent show stuff but not a mention to me of this email, my concerns, or hers.

I am talking to Pdoc soon about a change in meds and therapy as she has become a dead end I guess.

sS started seeing her when he was 4.

I am just so frustrated with this T, but feel SS10 trusts her and she knows his whole story-

I sent scanned actual journal pages.

Did any of your kids journal like this at 10 or later age?

Email ::

Hi Dr.

I was most concerned today about the upcoming Talent Show. SS10 auditioned with a cello solo and got in. Granted he did it impulsively, didn't practice, and probably he has visions of a Disney show version of things, but  we were proud of him and his teachers said he did awesome.

The show is Friday and last week he started saying,

"WHY can't I dance for the talent show!" he got upset when we told him he really would have to perform the cello, it was not our rules, and if he chose to he did not have to perform at all.

Yesterday i asked him again if he needed something for the show on Friday and was trying to bring it up with him in a positive way.

He was negative about it.

I would feel better knowing if he is going to perform in the talent show rather than having it hanging out there. I am not sure what is going on with this and he was unable to identify his problems with it. I can speculate but I'm not really sure what he wants to do.


So, then I was cleaning up this morning and decided to look at SS10 journaling writing stuff from the weekend for the heck of it.

Unfortunately, I found some disturbing stuff which goes along with his emotional issues.

He goes from saying he has a crush on a girl, to drawing a pic of a girl and crossing it out. to writing

YOu will kill yourself.

No btch

Then on to a happy page about how he is going in xxx days for Spring Break with BPD bio mom  and says Life is good.

The next journal things were probably written yesterday  after he and SS8 got in trouble for goofing around with the car door. SS10 slammed SS8 finger in the door by accident and SS8  had to go to the ER since it looked like it was broken. So The last 2 pages are probably a rant about Dad but  we are not sure. Another concern is he says, last night... .  as if the event ocurred last night. It is his private writing so it doesn't have to be factually accurate but his dramatic retelling of events is often twisted like this writing. Dad was upset because SS8 got hurt and the boys were doing something wrong. SS10 sees only the emotions and clearly his thinking is twisted here.

He is writing this kind of stuff... .  

You pushed me away last night and told me I was stupid and I thought you loved me... .  

Lots of concerns here, the emotional lability from page to page, the suicide command talk. He does this command talking with himself quite often.

His self esteem is terrible right now.

So, yes, it's drama, but what is going here is very concerning to me when you look at it all in context.

I don't know how best to coordinate all SS10  care either at this point. I'm feeling overwhelmed and frustrated, like there needs to be some kind of communication between you and Pdoc and Neuropsych , but I'm really not sure what you all think.

Finally, these are shown in confidence. DO not let SS10 know I am reading and scanning his writing please!

Thanks,

Mamachelle

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jellibeans]

my dd15 does write in a journal but not like your ss... .  I can see why you are concerned. My dd has a lot of illnesses that prevent her from going to school... .  I feel these are stress induced and maybe real in her mind... .  My dd had a therapist that was really nice but my dd didn't try to work on her issues... .  we changed at christmas time and transitioned... .  we just didn't stop all at once... .  have you considered seeing another therapist at the same time and seeing if that made a difference?

What kind of therapy is he getting? is it the DBT? I would go with my gut... .  if you feel there is something not right then there probably is something to it... .  you see your ss more and I think it is pretty easy for kids to mask what they are feeling with their therapist... .  take care  

[mamachelle]

Hi mrsjellibeans, thanks.

I know from your posts you are going through a lot with your DD right now   

I can't find DBT for kids under 13 in my area and there has to be a suicide attempt or ideation or cutting incident I guess to get it,

I do love the DBT model but when I brought it up with t a psychologist and the neuropsych they thought I was crazy. Neurposych said 90% of BPD cases are due to abuse,

We had to hospitalize our sS 15 last year for suicidal ideation, school failure, psychosis  but he is really not a BPD kid as far as I can tell-- he is on autism spectrum and possibly pre-schizophrenic.

It's scary... No one was really listiening about SS15 either and he got worse and worse and worse... .  

Sigh.

I think I do need to transition to someone who can work with kids like my SS10 who are unfortunately on this BPD spectrum and heading towards god knows what.

I want to be proactive but no one wants to deal with this until he decides to overdose or cut himself.

I am actually looking forward to him hitting 13 at this point just to get him real help. Right now it's just a waste. Only good for targeted stuff like the talent show issues. 

[jellibeans]

have you seen this video... .  

www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4KjxxPp3Ls&feature=related.

I found it very interesting... .  please watch... .  

[Reality]

I would go with my gut... .  if you feel there is something not right then there probably is something to it... .  you see your ss more and I think it is pretty easy for kids to mask what they are feeling with their therapist... .  

Hi mamachelle,

Great advice!  Trust your self.  Validate yourself.

Reality

[mamachelle]

Mrsjellibeans

I saw the video over the  weekend and it really blew my mind.

The best part is that my 82 yo Dad, a Pdoc actually, watched it today and he loved it too. I was really suprised. He has treated borderlines and he totally agrees. 

Now --- if I could just get my SS docs to watch. I sent it to them today with another email where I caught SS10 trying to look for gay videos on YouTube. (Did I mention his gender identity issues oy!) I doubt they will because I'm just that annoying mom to them... .  Or maybe SS10 is like the BPD patients already at 10 that frustrate so many clinicians. That might be the case with his T who seems unable to deal with his therapy persona vs his real life.

Reality

Thanks for the push. I am going to keep bothering these docs until they help him.

SS Pdoc today told me since he was not an immediate threat to himself so he didn't want to discuss until next appt. he is a good doctor, but I am so annoyed with them all right now.

Their understanding of BPD and treatment for it dates to 1990 probably... .  

[mamachelle]

I just wanted to follow up and say that I had a very candid discussion with the pediatric neuropsych today. It was huge relief. I have sent 4 emails to him and pdoc  and the T in the past few weeks, and the last was a 90 line item document with behaviors and age of onset as well as classified by type i.e. sensory, social, neuro, psych/behavior. ( I just love spreadsheets   they make this documenting of behaviors so much easier.)

He said I did an excellent job. He said this is not normal behavior and it is bizarre thinking as well. He is going to talk to pdoc and therapist and we are possibly going to add in an anti-psychotic. He thinks SS10 will fall on the autism spectrum with further testing  of SS10 in office and based on my emails and teacher observations and having me fill out some new parental scales.

He did caution that with the new DSM V coming out it was anybody's guess about the new autism dxs but for now we should be able to get my SS10 the behavior therapist, a social skills group, some med changes, and hopefully more focused therapy.

I did not bring up the BPD today because it is more important that he sees the thinking and behaviors are out of my SS control than to dx with something that the insurance won't pay to help unfortunately at the age of 10. I know the neuropsych read the email though and I will bring the BPD up again in few weeks when we talk about making his talk therapy more effective.

Thank You All for your wise responses and replies to this thread and others I have posted here recently as it really helped me to focus on the behaviors and which ones were mood related and which ones clearly were something else.