are BPDs obsessed with babies?

[fakename]

just something i was wondering. my ex was crazy about playing with babies

[wanttoknowmore]

I cant comment about babies but I did notice they are too attached to their dogs and cats. Probably, symbols of unconditional love!

[WT]

My ex loved both babies and pets.  I think she felt very protective of babies (and young children) because she was molested when she was very young.  For pets (especially dogs), it was definitely about unconditional love.  It always made me wonder why a dog's unconditional love was so great while my unconditional love wasn't. 

[honeysuckle]

My Ex begged me to have a baby. talked about it all the time. he has two grown kids with his ex wife and went on and on about how beautiful a child we would make would be. he had an affair and told that girl the same exact thing! same words and everything! made me sick!

[fakename]

Haha honeysuckle,

My ex would go on about what the baby would look like with every guy she was with.

I kinda feel like its the unconditional love and its also like the mother's relationship with a newborn. All the attention and taking care of and control. I think it's beautiful that a beig could be so affectionate and only want to love and be loved but obviously there's tht whole disorder of what to do when that person is gone that causes them to be selfish and evil and just do things out of desperation? It really is like a parasite mentality.

I miss being a kid too - no accountability and no responsibility but boy am I glad I was able to grow up

[recoil]

Me ex kept talking about babies -- funny thing though, I don't think she did a great job taking care of her own.  She used to have this weird look on her face when she gave them all baths, like she wasn't really there.  :)etached protector?

She got two cats.  Both ended up back at the SPCA.

She wanted a dog for protection.  I advised her to get an alarm and a gun (What the heck was I thinking?  A gun?)

After she got a puppy (way too much work), our relationship went down Hill fast (I capitalized that for a secret reason - LMAO).  I knew it was going to happen.  I always took a back seat to everything in the relationship.

Well puppy, enjoy her.  She'll give you the love I wanted (and a few kicks that I thought were a little harsh).

[AllyCat7]

Yes, they are known for this. I think for a few reasons. 1. They have the emotional development of toddlers, so they can relate to babies and children in that regard. 2. They view babies as something that will fill the void in them. I guess this has to do with the unconditional love thing mentioned above. Also, if a baby/child depends on you, it won't leave you, so it assuages their fear of abandonment. 3. They view having a baby as a way to secure a commitment from a partner they feel they might lose otherwise. 4. They have such a hard time forming healthy relationships with adults that babies and children seem easier for them.

Angelina Jolie is known to be BPD and look how obsessed she was with having a ton of kids. My most recent ex (a BPD waif) was also obsessed with this notion. He spoke of wanting 6 of them. I wanted no more than 3, so that was an issue. His two siblings were much older than him so he was alone a lot of the time. He said that's also why he wanted a big family. It's kinda cute. But I told him it's a lot of work and money--not something to be taken lightly.

[dmiller]

interesting my BPD loves babies and animals too. I do believe is it because of the unconditional love and being able to nurture the baby or animal. Only thing is when an eposide happens what would it be like?

[wanttoknowmore]

WT,

I have a hypothesis about loving pets. Pets don't react to any negative comments or behavior.They don't criticise or invalidate . The dog will always keep wagging the tail even if you call him "crazy or stupid" I mean they have only one response... showing love whatever you say to them. The reason is that Pets have no capacity to understand that you are cursing them / invalidating themor criticizing them .

Therefore,it is so easy to love a dog than to love another human being.

[Hutsepotmetworst]

My exBPDgf was indeed obsessed by having a baby of the two of us. She was also very fond of the child of her brother, almost seemed in love with him.

Strangely she didn't attach to the child of her stepbrother, probably because the boy is not so sweet and a bit hard to handle. I assume she couldn't handle that. She never talked about him in a positive way, where the other (sweeter) boy was her god.

As she was younger she also had a dog, which she was very fond of.

I'm worried about what will happen if the boy gets older, and the sweetness will be over. Will she turn away from him, or what ? The thought scares me sometimes... .  

[WT]

WT,

I have a hypothesis about loving pets. Pets don't react to any negative comments or behavior.They don't criticise or invalidate . The dog will always keep wagging the tail even if you call him "crazy or stupid" I mean they have only one response... showing love whatever you say to them. The reason is that Pets have no capacity to understand that you are cursing them / invalidating themor criticizing them .

Therefore,it is so easy to love a dog than to love another human being.

Yeah, very good point.

[Dave44]

Interesting topic - my experiance

My ex had two daughters 4 and 8 both from different dads (and a fairly recent abortion from a third). After her very abrupt departure from the relationship I struggled to make sense of it all (had no idea of BPD at the time). As a result I decided to go digging into her past and contact as many of her ex's and people she knew as I could. I got I touch with a few of her ex co workers from a previous job. When I asked them about about her they replied "omg, she's a nut job!". I said how so? They proceeded to tell me how she openely wanted a baby so bad and was sleeping with anyone at the time to get pregnant.

She clearly loved her kids but oddly enough she openly admitted she couldn't stand other people's kids. This was very evident when other kids would come over for play dates and such. She wasn't mean to them by any means she just didnt like them.

Like I said she loved her kids and I noticed that they were never "split black", they were always "white". Even when they did bad things they were never "bad". As a matter of fact there was very little if any discipline in the house hold what so ever - the kids called the shots. I wonder how things will play out when the kids start getting older and start developing their own self and need mommy less and less?

One thing that did concern me was she often would say to her 8 year old, "you're never going to leave me right Nicki?". Or she would say it in a third person way to me like "Nicki's never going to leave me right Nicki". Sick hey?

Oh and when I questioned her about her 3 "unplanned" pregnancies (as obviously it was a bit concerning to me) she explained to me that the first one was a mistake, the second one (the one the co workers were referring to) she told me her boyfriend at the time convinced her the pull out method worked and the third she said the condom fell off. Now, keep in mind this is woman who is currently 37. ... .  hard to believe isn't it? I did though. Why? Because she was my "soulmate"!

[Distraught-m-in-mn]

Wow.  Interesting.  I'd never connected my wife's fixation on having kids as being part of her BPD.  But it makes perfect sense.

My story around this is actually a disaster averted. 

Soon after we got married (4 years ago), she and I agreed that I should have a vasectomy so she could stop bc.  I already had a 2 yr old son from a prior relationship, and she had a 17 yr old daughter.  So. I wasn't all that eager about having another kid and I had it done.

Fast forward 2 years. 

She starts focusing on wanting to have a baby, and pressuring me to have the vasectomy reversed. By this time I'm starting to feel like there is something not quite right with her (this prior to even hearing a out BPD) so I repeatedly say no.

Now 2 years later and having learned a little about BPD, I am deeply thankful that adjacent had a child together.    She still hints at it from time to time.  But I will never agree to put a any thru what I've been thru the last few years.

[jj2121]

I thought that was just my ex. She totally was obsessed with her pets and and her kid and other kids. Fair enough with your own kid,but it was too much I noticed.