Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 28, 2024, 11:05:18 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Books members most read
105
The High
Conflict Couple
Loving Someone with
Borderline Personality Disorder
Loving the
Self-Absorbed
Borderline Personality
Disorder Demystified

Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Confused and Sad. 8 year old son rage, holes in our walls, D11 traumatized  (Read 419 times)
ProfDaddy
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: remarried, divorced in 2010
Posts: 329


formerly Dad6145


« on: March 05, 2013, 10:07:11 PM »

Continuing to have trouble with S8.  I'm a single dad raising two children.  Their mother is a diagnosed BPD and is largely confined to seeing them EOW.  S8 was admitted to the psych ward at the local large university hospital and diagnosed mood disorder NOS at age 4.  He has been taking Tenex and Risperidone for over 3 years.  Lately those haven't helped much, increasing the dose just puts him to sleep and doesn't help with mood control.  He is either asleep on his desk at school or bouncing off the walls.  His tantrums and rages at school have resulted in juvenile court and almost daily disruptions at school.  Visited the same psych hospital again at age 8, same diagnosis.  However, the clinical psychologist managing his case also ran tests this year and her opinion is anxiety as the primary disorder with OCD on top.  She wants to see what SSRI meds would do (zoloft made him violent at age 4, she thinks other meds in that class might not).  However, the psychiatrist sees the mood disorder as primary and wants to add an anti-convulsant (probably lamictal) to his meds.  Saw a third psychiatrist for a consult, he also sees anxiety but also gastrointestinal issues and food sensitivities as driving the problem.  Pdoc #3 suggested keeping the Tenex and Risperidone and working with diet changes and nutritional supplements before introducing any more pharmaceutical interventions. He thinks it will take a couple of months for the diet and supplements to start to work.  I don't know who to listen to. 

In the meantime, the IEP team at school have moved S8 from his school of 3 years to the behavior school, effective in two days.  I just told him after school today.  That resulted in a very violent tantrum, he kicked and punched holes in our walls at home, threatened to kill himself over and over for 45 minutes.  I gave him an extra 1/2 risperidone and a dose of benadryl, then sent him to bed early.  Even with that, it took quite some time for him to stop raging.  In discussions after his timeouts, I made it very plain to him that he will attend the behavior school, he will follow the rules, he will not harm himself, will not harm others, will not break things, or he will NOT live at home in the future.  He also has an open case in juvenile court for felony assault at school (he threatened a girl at school with a pair of scissors in a rage) and if the judge knew what happened tonight, she would place him back in juvenile detention. 

My D11 is traumatized from living with this level of random violence.  We can't continue to live like this.  Should I consider adding a third pharmaceutical to the cocktail of ineffective drugs?  Should I take him back to the psych hospital, where he will level out and show very few outbursts in their controlled environment?  Should I consider residential treatment for S8?  If so, how do I find a school that works with 8 year olds and is reputable?  Also, I really would hate to do this to my son, since his mother already abandoned him, his sister and I are all he has, and taking that away would be horrible.  But I don't want to ruin our lives either, D11 is being harmed by living with the emotional trauma. 
Logged
Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
mamachelle
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1668


« Reply #1 on: March 05, 2013, 10:39:05 PM »

Hi ProfDaddy

There is a lot going on here and I'm so sorry to hear all this. Maybe I can offer a little help as I have been struggling with finding proper therapy for my SS 10 dx emerging bipolar or mood disorder-nos. mom also has BPD and lives across the country now.

SS 10 is on lamictal 25 mg 2xaday

He weighs about 145 lbs and is about 5 feet tall.

When he rages it is scary.

Since lamictal and behavior therapy a year ago he has done much better but lately as puberty is hitting, well things are getting stranger and it seems he needs a med increase... .  New therapy and new therapists.

I think lamictal really helped him but I know every kid is different.

SS15 is dx pdd-nos, bipolar r/o psychotic features, learning disorders... .  List goes on and on

He is on abilify which I guess is similar to resperdal.

He also has abnormal EEG seizure activity but never a real seizure but we are exploring possibility with neurologist that mini seizures are impacting his memory and thoughts. He may be pre schizophrenic... .  

Has your S8 seen a neuologist or had EEG done? Has he been tested for autism?

Have you seen this video yet? Highly recommend it. Talks about polypharmacy as well as ties of BPD into autism and bipolar. Genetic links... .  All good.

Here is the thread.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=161643.0

Logged
ProfDaddy
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: remarried, divorced in 2010
Posts: 329


formerly Dad6145


« Reply #2 on: March 05, 2013, 10:50:17 PM »

S8 is average to above average in IQ, verbal, and social communication.  He just responds to limits and frustration with violent rages. So Autism is out. 
Logged
mamachelle
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1668


« Reply #3 on: March 05, 2013, 11:08:13 PM »

I would still recommend watching the video.

Also seeing a neurologist just to rule out brain dysfunction that might be organic ...

Also you need to do what you need to do to keep your d11 safe.

Logged
Sancho
Ambassador
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 706


« Reply #4 on: March 06, 2013, 02:56:24 AM »

My heart goes out to you. Living with this situation is just so painful, so difficult. So many who post here are trying to cope in the same way as you are. I hope you can just keep trying to find answers, and not give up. I do think the neurological exam would be good if you can organise that. Sometimes there are things that can show up and make all the difference to what treatment options are available.
Logged
ProfDaddy
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: remarried, divorced in 2010
Posts: 329


formerly Dad6145


« Reply #5 on: March 06, 2013, 07:56:10 AM »

S8 was calm and able to control himself this morning.  He chose to attend his school for one last day and understands that if he misbehaves, they will call me to pick him up immediately. Here is what I told him and emailed school personnel so we are all on the same page.  Most of this qualifies as "tough love." S8 needs to understand the consequences of his actions; there is no sense sugar-coating things or lying to him. 

1) His change in schools is a consequence of his behavior since November.  Everyone decided together that the change is best for S8. 

2) There is a uniform at the new school. S8 will wear the uniform or be sent home.  (He has clothing issues and wears nothing but track pants and t shirts... .  not an option at a school with a uniform).  If he is sent home for not following school rules, the judge will place S8 back in juvenile detention.

3) S8 may not harm himself, harm someone else, or break things.  If his violent behavior continues at home, I will arrange for a him to attend a residential treatment facility and he will NOT live with me and his sister. 

4) If S8 threatens to kill himself, the police will take him back to the psychiatric hospital. 
Logged
mamachelle
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1668


« Reply #6 on: March 06, 2013, 09:40:47 AM »

Looks like you've made some decisions overnight.

I just went back and read your previous posts from last year.

The only things I can add in are that:

1- There is definitely some kind of sensory stimulation/trigger going on with him. The school uniform piece of this may be enough to trigger a rage which I am sure you are aware of. The fact that he is calmer in controlled environments and away from chaos. All of us are, but kids like your S really need low stress, low stim environments.Have you visited the school he will be attending? What is the setting like? Is it likely to trigger him or soothe him? I think it's important to make sure it is acceptable for now and if it's not, then it's time to get him out of there and in to some place that is more therapeutic.

2- He is not able to identify his emotions and this is severely frustrating him.

3- The school/criminal justice setting has not worked up to this point and likely is still not working other than to restrain him temporarily and excite him.

4- If you go for RTC then I would try for one that is not a juvenille detention one as he will not get better.

Parenting a child with Intense Emotions: DBT skills... .  is a very good book. It is my bedside reading and I go back to it time and again.

Remembering your child is doing the best they can, that there is no absolute truth, all the stuff is real and I hope you can find some solace somewhere in the DBT philosophy.

I don't know if you've had time to read it or care to but it's worth a 10 minute re read sometimes.

I hope your day goes better today... .  you are on the right track as far as I can see.


Logged
lbjnltx
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: widowed
Posts: 7757


we can all evolve into someone beautiful


« Reply #7 on: March 06, 2013, 10:14:38 AM »

Dear ProfDad,

You are dealing with a lot of traumatic events in your life.  What are you doing to take care of self?  Do you and/or your son and daughter attend therapy together?

I understand your dilemna and want to point out some things if you don't mind.

If there is any way to bipass juvenile detention and go straight to a therapuetic environment (possibly through a mental health social worker for the county/city) that would be beneficial to son.

Should the decision have to be made to place him in long term residential  treatment, choose a facility that has a high level of family involvement.  This can be very healing for all, diminish the abandonment aspect of placement and create a stronger possibility of reunification upon completion of the program.

lbjnltx
Logged

 BPDd-13 Residential Treatment - keep believing in miracles
jellibeans
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 1726



WWW
« Reply #8 on: March 06, 2013, 10:48:42 AM »

Profdaddy

I am sorry to hear of your struggles with your son. I can see you have put a lot of thought and planning into what to do. I wanted to just tell you they sound a bit stressful and I feel like you might be setting up your son for failure... .  I keep one thing in the back of my mind and that is "if your son could control his emotions he would" I know there has to be consequences to his actions and you have set some very good boundaries for him I just worry that he will not be able to work on all those things at once... .  

Would your son be better off homeschooled? I know this might be hard to even think of but he seems to have a very hard time coping at school.

I too wonder about his clothing issue... .  is he super sentive to the feel of his clothes... .  something to try and look into... .  

I want to also tell you I have a dd15 who is BPD, ADHD, Anxiety issues etc... .  I have an older daughter who is a good student, well behaved etc... .  but she has other neutrological problems and she has POTS and big issues with digestion and food allergies... .  When you said your son has food allergies I wonder if there is something more going on... .  my two daughter are very different but seem to have a connection... .  just something for you to think of.

I would also be careful of hospital stays... .  my daughter has been hospitalized three times in the past 6 months... .  she got the drive through DX and more drugs were given... .  I think that was one of the worse times for us. We changed her drugs a few times and that was a little visit to hell for all of us but now I feel she is stable. My daughter takes Lamictal 200mg and prozac 30mg and ritalin 20mg... .  I know drugs are not the answer but this has helped her with the raging. She is still moody but not totally out of control and so abusive.

I do worry about your daughter... .  is he violent towards her? I was wondering if a relative could keep her for a short while... .  I know that is a hard decision but it might give her some relief.

One thing I know for sure is that is doesn't belong in juvie... .  that is no place for someone with mental illness... .  start looking now for a place for him to go... .  with his age that might be a struggle... .  I wish I could be of more help... .  I just wanted to throw out some suggestions... .  I know you must be overwhelmed right now with all that is going on... .  try to remain calm and take it one step at a time... .  know you are doing the best you can for your child and you have not done anything to cause his behavior... .  try to read more about how to interact better with him... .  that might defuse his raging... .  he might need a safe place to go and get out his frustration... .  keep us posted... .  

Logged
qcarolr
Distinguished Member
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Married to DH since 1976
Posts: 4926



WWW
« Reply #9 on: March 06, 2013, 11:15:22 PM »

S8 was calm and able to control himself this morning.  He chose to attend his school for one last day and understands that if he misbehaves, they will call me to pick him up immediately. Here is what I told him and emailed school personnel so we are all on the same page.  Most of this qualifies as "tough love." S8 needs to understand the consequences of his actions; there is no sense sugar-coating things or lying to him. 

1) His change in schools is a consequence of his behavior since November.  Everyone decided together that the change is best for S8. 

2) There is a uniform at the new school. S8 will wear the uniform or be sent home.  (He has clothing issues and wears nothing but track pants and t shirts... .  not an option at a school with a uniform).  If he is sent home for not following school rules, the judge will place S8 back in juvenile detention.

3) S8 may not harm himself, harm someone else, or break things.  If his violent behavior continues at home, I will arrange for a him to attend a residential treatment facility and he will NOT live with me and his sister. 

4) If S8 threatens to kill himself, the police will take him back to the psychiatric hospital. 

This list sounds like the same rules that your S8 has been unable to follow already. What is going to be different to allow him to have better regulation of himself? The legal system is so very limited in its ability to effectively handle this level of emotional disruption. I hope you can find a temporary solution to care for your D11 while you work out a therapeutic place for your S8.

THere is so much more information now than when my D was the age of your S. SHe is now 26 and things are better. I sure wish that I could have read the book "Parenting a Child WHo Has INtense Emotions", Pat Harvey when she was young. I read it to cope with my gd7 and it has helped me make better decisions on a daily basis with both my girls. I too go back for a re-read regularly.

Let us know how things are going.

qcr  
Logged

The best criticism of the bad is the practice of the better. (Dom Helder)
MammaMia
*******
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1098



« Reply #10 on: March 09, 2013, 02:35:06 PM »

Since there is a family history of BPD... .  has anyone suggested your s8 may be morphing into this disorder?  He seems to meet some of the criteria, and we all know how the medical community drags its feet on this diagnosis.  If the current diagnosis is wrong, his meds may be as well.

My son with BPD was treated with meds for bipolar disorder and they made him uncontrollably violent and suicidal. 

I pray you can get a handle on what is going on while he is still young.  If he is this violent at 8, I shudder to think what he may be capable of at 18.

My prayers are with you and your 11d.  Please take care of yourselves.
Logged
Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
ProfDaddy
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: remarried, divorced in 2010
Posts: 329


formerly Dad6145


« Reply #11 on: April 11, 2013, 05:14:58 PM »

Mamma Mia is spot-on target.  Using bad behavior to become the center of attention every time is an early sign of BPD, we have others too.
Logged
vivekananda
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: married
Posts: 2353


« Reply #12 on: April 11, 2013, 06:22:54 PM »

Hi Prof Daddy.

Can you give us an update, how are things going now? What's happening with those boundaries you set earlier? And are you doing anything to take care of yourself?

cheers,

Vivek    
Logged
vivekananda
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: married
Posts: 2353


« Reply #13 on: April 11, 2013, 06:25:11 PM »

oops... .   just saw your new post... .   will catch up on your news there!

Viv
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!