dreams- please stop

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I have been broken up with my ex for almost seven weeks. I still have vivid dreams about him most nights. Even when I don't he is the first thought I have every morning. Does anyone else do or had this happen?

I find it hard to start my day like this everyday when I am trying to put this whole thing behind me!

[honeysuckle]

I have been broken up with my ex for almost seven weeks. I still have vivid dreams about him most nights. Even when I don't he is the first thought I have every morning. Does anyone else do or had this happen?

I find it hard to start my day like this everyday when I am trying to put this whole thing behind me!

[healingmyheart]

Yep, my ex BPD boyfriend is on my mind constantly... .  all day and all night.  It's only been two weeks for me but I think time and distance will eventually help but I know, it's so hard. 

[sunrising]

It gets better.  I've been out of the relationship for 5 weeks, and I'm down to about 50 seconds of every waking minute being spent thinking about her.   For the first 3 weeks, it was 60 seconds of every minute.  I realize 50/60 is still not very encouraging, but, baby steps.   

[GlennT]

That's why its good to talk about it to a group and put it way out there, out of your subconscious. Getting over them is sort of like your old computer scanning for errors and defragmentating and waiting until clean-up is complete. Breaking NC, or seeing, or even dreaming about them, stops and starts the process over and over again.  

[willy45]

Hey Honeysuckle,

Ok. So, here is a different take on this that might help and a story of mine that might shed some light.

I think that dreaming of your ex is a really, really good thing! Why? I think it is your minds way of squeezing you ex out of your life. It is your minds way of purging. Whenever I've gone through hard breakups in the past, I didn't really start dreaming about them until I knew it was over. Over over. So, having dreams of your ex is not only normal, but a really great step towards healing. See this as a step towards recovery. This is a good thing!

I've been 7 months out of my relationship with my ex. I didn't really dream about her too much. I kept waiting for it. She kept contacting me. I kept telling her not to. I would mostly ignore her. But, I knew she was going to keep trying. Finally, about a month ago, I broke down when she contacted me. She manipulated me into seeing her. I willingly gave up my boundaries. A bunch of terrible things went down which I won't go into but at the end, I knew it had to be over. I knew. It was literally destroying my life. So I told her when she called me again (after my telling her not to): "I have given you enough. I am not letting you take anymore." And then I hung up the phone. That's it. No goodbyes. No 'I love you'. Nothing. Just that statement. And I meant it. And I still mean it.

So, what happens next? I dream about her. I dream about her every night. And they were horrible and gut wrenching and excruciatingly painful dreams. But, despite this, I welcomed them. I didn't like them. But I welcomed them. It was now the time that my mind knew it was over. My mind was 100% firm on this. She was out. This was it. I said what I needed to say. She heard it. I hung up the phone. And I have ignored her ever since. But, I dream about her. And if this is what it takes to get rid of person who abused me and manipulated me and controlled me for 7 years, so be it. It sucks. It hurts. But, my dreams of her are welcome. They don't have any power over me. They aren't going to change my decision. They aren't going to change my mind. They aren't going to change my resolve. They are going to come. And that's fine. But they will also go. And once they are gone. She will be gone. Forever. And that is a wonderful, wonderful thing.

So, don't be afraid of your dreams. They aren't going to haunt you forever. Your mind is purging. Let it. But this doesn't mean you need to have it control you. You have the power here. You are just letting go. And if you are on these boards and have heard similar stories and been through similar things, then letting go is the absolute best thing you can do for yourself, you friends, your family, you future loved ones. Your dreams now, as painful as they may be, are a gift.

[healingmyheart]

johnnyorganic, I like your explanation and it makes sense.

Does anyone go back and look at pictures? I'll occasionally run across a picture of my ex on the computer and I'll just stop and stare at it.  He is starting to look distant or foreign to me... .  I don't get the same warm feelings I use to when I'd see his pictures.  It still makes me sad when I look at pictures of us together.  We did have so much fun together and thats all been wiped out.  I don't know I'll ever find anything remotely close to that but that's ok... .  I have my pride. 

[jdcthunder14]

I see all these posts mentioning weeks in time frames... .  very early, it does get better. I am 10 months now, been completely NC for 4 months and am doing much much better. However at the time frames that you folks are mentioning I was a wreck. She was on my mind all the time, I looked at pictures, had conversations with her ghost it was non-stop her. To top it off I was getting mad at myself for "allowing" her to be in my head which just further tightened the loop. Give it time. If there are things to figure out about you do that but allow time to take care of the rest.

Normal breakups are hard... .  when you add the drama, lack of closure and all around non-sense of these types of relationships it makes it much harder. Give yourself a break and understand what you are feeling is normal.

[mosaicbird]

I dream about her every night. But then I also dream about people who hurt me, oh, 15 years ago! So I don't see the dreams about her ending... My subconscious is trying to hash things out.

[honesty2013]

Been broken up for a month, nc for 2 weeks and had my first dream last night which has resulted in the worst day I have had thus far. Literally left work early because I couldn't function. Even saw my T yesterday and felt ok, but today has been absolutely awful.

[afterdeath]

I'm seven months out and I literally dream of her just about every night saying she's sorry and you're much she misses me, every dreams the same, she apologizes and I forgive her and we are back together like nothing ever happened.

My dreams used to mean something, now they are just flooded with her and an unrealistic outcome that when I wake up in a cold sweat every morning I feel empty and drained rather than rated and thus the vicious groundhog day routine begins of fighting back the depression and forcing myself to get moving.

I had a month or so where I stopped dreaming of her but then they started all over again.