I need some thoughts on the dysfunctional relationship between ex BPD and sister

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I need some answers as i'm filled with questions in regards of the r/s between my ex BPD and her sister, I need these answers because also, this sister has been constantly against me, and laughed about me and already pushed since last October to look for someone else to my ex BPD. It's so superbly dysfunctional that it mesmerizes my head, seriously. To a great extent (their entire family btw, but thats not relevant atm).

To start off with;

my ex BPD sister has a youth of tremendous drama making, being jealous of my ex BPD friends, when my ex got invited to her sister birthday party, the sister would cry so much so that the father/mother of my ex would force her not to go. This sister would also constantly demolish all sort of birthday gifts of her older and little brother and thus also my ex. She would hit, kick everybody.

Later, the sister fell in love with a strict religious person (I won't say which faith) but she got beaten by this person as well and my ex BPD stood up to this person a few times. This couple both opened a restaurant in London, but since she bad mouths everyone and can't 'normally communicate' with others they made the restaurant in a 'delivery' restaurant rather than one with tables if you get my drift because she bad mouths everyone and cannot communicate in a normal orderly fashion manner.

My ex and her sister also had huge fights and for a while they haven't been talking in years. Only to start talking towards the end of the relationship with my ex BPD abusive (sexual/physical) ex boyfriend. However, when we lived together, she repeatedly lied towards my ex. Told she brought books over, never did, said she put something on the mail, never did, would freak her out for no particular reason, like pop on in facebook and tell mother is not feeling well and then all out of a sudden leave again, etc. Unfortunately, my ex had to go to London a few times when we were together and sometimes she was so sick and fed up with the mental dysfunctional behavior of her sister that she literally cried (very emotionally) on the phone that she never wanted to be dependent on her, that she doesnt want her kids to be close to hers, that she is evil, and that they treat her bad, they call her a witch, they call my ex a troll, a frog. Ugly, all of it. Also the boyfriend of the sister calls my ex a witch, ugly, a troll etc. When my ex told them what I did for her, holidays, drew her a big heart, they said I was an idiot.

When I first met my ex parents, I was quite stressed, I know about their culture and such, and I really wantED to marry her so I was a bit shaky. Didn't already feel to well before I got there (ill), but my ex BPD said, come here, i'll take care of you here so you get better. Stupid decision, those parents were clueless why I went there while being ill. I left their place and her father told my ex, to stop loving me. Keep in mind, this father cheated on the mother of my ex (and my ex found out when she was 12, she confronted him, and her father told her, tell your mother, than we split up and you don't want that either... ) Her mother never found out and now her father/mother are 'happily' together and even last christmas (2012) they went to this woman he cheated with to have drinks with. I was obliterated that she took advice from her father who did that in the past, and she argued, with a loud voice; But THEY are happy NOW together! Why break that?

Ofcourse, their parents told ... yes yes, the sister of my ex and from that point on wards it was a one way direction of; Leave that guy, look for a different prince on a horse (this was in October 2012, split in Feb 2013). The hatred phase started also in October in our r/s or whatever you can call it.

When I send my ex BPD in December an email about how we could put our r/s in the right direction, and some light on attachment theories and pointing towards some psychological issues between us, quite intense AND private. What did my ex do? She send it to her sister, and she of course laughed on this, and said leave him, etc. He's bad for you, he's acting like a scholar while being so bad to you. Whats wrong with him (this I all read in an email because my ex BPD gave me her password of her email address).

The sister got pregnant and she gave birth just a few days ago. My ex BPD emailed me last night how her sister got crazy, and was afraid she had to go for a ceasarian cut etc. And went completely mental as together with her mother because she had a failed birth once, miscarriage. So my ex told me, she acted like the strong one and kept her mother and sister 'together' to get through it and now the baby is born. She now also told me in the mail how much she loves her sister and also wants children but she needs two to make a baby. Keep in mind this is the mother who laughed about the fact I told my ex BPD that she has it, and they both laughed about it and then my ex fired it back at me and keep also in mind we aint together anymore for 2 weeks.

Seriously people, I rather have had this to be a fictional story, to not be the truth but unfortunately it is. It seriously is so dysfunctional that it almost creates a brainwire malfunctioning in my own head. I just can't understand so much dysfunctional relationships/friendships in such a family and between this sister and my ex BPD. Serious, she cried a few months ago how much of a b!tch she was, she never wanted to be part of her life etc. And then now this...

Seriously, i'm trying to make SENSE of it. SENSE! ... but I can't  I just f@cking can't . Seriously, what made me into those people. A friend of mine told me I dodged a bullet here with such a family.

[HarmKrakow]

I need some answers as i'm filled with questions in regards of the r/s between my ex BPD and her sister, I need these answers because also, this sister has been constantly against me, and laughed about me and already pushed since last October to look for someone else to my ex BPD. It's so superbly dysfunctional that it mesmerizes my head, seriously. To a great extent (their entire family btw, but thats not relevant atm).

To start off with;

my ex BPD sister has a youth of tremendous drama making, being jealous of my ex BPD friends, when my ex got invited to her sister birthday party, the sister would cry so much so that the father/mother of my ex would force her not to go. This sister would also constantly demolish all sort of birthday gifts of her older and little brother and thus also my ex. She would hit, kick everybody.

Later, the sister fell in love with a strict religious person (I won't say which faith) but she got beaten by this person as well and my ex BPD stood up to this person a few times. This couple both opened a restaurant in London, but since she bad mouths everyone and can't 'normally communicate' with others they made the restaurant in a 'delivery' restaurant rather than one with tables if you get my drift because she bad mouths everyone and cannot communicate in a normal orderly fashion manner.

My ex and her sister also had huge fights and for a while they haven't been talking in years. Only to start talking towards the end of the relationship with my ex BPD abusive (sexual/physical) ex boyfriend. However, when we lived together, she repeatedly lied towards my ex. Told she brought books over, never did, said she put something on the mail, never did, would freak her out for no particular reason, like pop on in facebook and tell mother is not feeling well and then all out of a sudden leave again, etc. Unfortunately, my ex had to go to London a few times when we were together and sometimes she was so sick and fed up with the mental dysfunctional behavior of her sister that she literally cried (very emotionally) on the phone that she never wanted to be dependent on her, that she doesnt want her kids to be close to hers, that she is evil, and that they treat her bad, they call her a witch, they call my ex a troll, a frog. Ugly, all of it. Also the boyfriend of the sister calls my ex a witch, ugly, a troll etc. When my ex told them what I did for her, holidays, drew her a big heart, they said I was an idiot.

When I first met my ex parents, I was quite stressed, I know about their culture and such, and I really wantED to marry her so I was a bit shaky. Didn't already feel to well before I got there (ill), but my ex BPD said, come here, i'll take care of you here so you get better. Stupid decision, those parents were clueless why I went there while being ill. I left their place and her father told my ex, to stop loving me. Keep in mind, this father cheated on the mother of my ex (and my ex found out when she was 12, she confronted him, and her father told her, tell your mother, than we split up and you don't want that either... ) Her mother never found out and now her father/mother are 'happily' together and even last christmas (2012) they went to this woman he cheated with to have drinks with. I was obliterated that she took advice from her father who did that in the past, and she argued, with a loud voice; But THEY are happy NOW together! Why break that?

Ofcourse, their parents told ... yes yes, the sister of my ex and from that point on wards it was a one way direction of; Leave that guy, look for a different prince on a horse (this was in October 2012, split in Feb 2013). The hatred phase started also in October in our r/s or whatever you can call it.

When I send my ex BPD in December an email about how we could put our r/s in the right direction, and some light on attachment theories and pointing towards some psychological issues between us, quite intense AND private. What did my ex do? She send it to her sister, and she of course laughed on this, and said leave him, etc. He's bad for you, he's acting like a scholar while being so bad to you. Whats wrong with him (this I all read in an email because my ex BPD gave me her password of her email address).

The sister got pregnant and she gave birth just a few days ago. My ex BPD emailed me last night how her sister got crazy, and was afraid she had to go for a ceasarian cut etc. And went completely mental as together with her mother because she had a failed birth once, miscarriage. So my ex told me, she acted like the strong one and kept her mother and sister 'together' to get through it and now the baby is born. She now also told me in the mail how much she loves her sister and also wants children but she needs two to make a baby. Keep in mind this is the mother who laughed about the fact I told my ex BPD that she has it, and they both laughed about it and then my ex fired it back at me and keep also in mind we aint together anymore for 2 weeks.

Seriously people, I rather have had this to be a fictional story, to not be the truth but unfortunately it is. It seriously is so dysfunctional that it almost creates a brainwire malfunctioning in my own head. I just can't understand so much dysfunctional relationships/friendships in such a family and between this sister and my ex BPD. Serious, she cried a few months ago how much of a b!tch she was, she never wanted to be part of her life etc. And then now this...

Seriously, i'm trying to make SENSE of it. SENSE! ... but I can't  I just f@cking can't . Seriously, what made me into those people. A friend of mine told me I dodged a bullet here with such a family.

[Surnia]

I agree with you, harm, there are a lot of unhealthy patterns in between the family members of your ex. This is her business.

We urge to understand or make sense. What about accepting that some of these patterns are really unhealthy and move on?

It seriously is so dysfunctional that it almost creates a brainwire malfunctioning in my own head.

Yes, it can be damaging when you are to close to it. Is there anything that can help you to focus on something else than her and her family?

[HarmKrakow]

I agree with you, harm, there are a lot of unhealthy patterns in between the family members of your ex. This is her business.

We urge to understand or make sense. What about accepting that some of these patterns are really unhealthy and move on?

It seriously is so dysfunctional that it almost creates a brainwire malfunctioning in my own head.

Yes, it can be damaging when you are to close to it. Is there anything that can help you to focus on something else than her and her family?

Thanks for agreeing, that already makes me believe i'm not the only one who thinks in this way as it does mesmerize my mind.

Is there anything that can help me to focus on something else than her family and herself? Cut of all contact. Besides that, I don't know any other viable option, although i am seeking for it. I think I went on a right direction to be on anti-depressants (Seroxat) but thats just the first step. I again went for a run today and yesterday.

Maybe my urge at the moment is acceptance of the situation. I do feel due to these anti-depressants that I sometimes have moments where I literally get furious on how I allowed myself to get treated by them.

[mango_flower]

Wow - definitely messed up.  Your ex's sister sounds BPD in my view... .  wow.

It sounds like your ex is so enmeshed, she views this behaviour as normal.  And she won't change (she won't be able to) until she starts to realise there are alternatives and seek help.

I know you want to fix everything and make her happy... .  but she needs to want to get out from that family, or you'll forever be fighting a losing battle.  

I hate that there is so much pain in this world... .  I wish I knew what to say to you.  Other than YES, this IS messed up, and I COMPLETELY understand why your head is confused.  I feel for you.

Stay strong, day at a time, focus on little things that don't involve this girl's family... .  you did not deserve to be dragged into this mess and you have done nothing wrong. In fact, you did everything right, trying to be a support for her.  She just isn't ready yet.  And that is something you can't help her with.  She needs to extricate herself in her own time.

xxx

[HarmKrakow]

Wow - definitely messed up.  Your ex's sister sounds BPD in my view... .  wow.

It sounds like your ex is so enmeshed, she views this behaviour as normal.  And she won't change (she won't be able to) until she starts to realise there are alternatives and seek help.

I know you want to fix everything and make her happy... .  but she needs to want to get out from that family, or you'll forever be fighting a losing battle.  

I hate that there is so much pain in this world... .  I wish I knew what to say to you.  Other than YES, this IS messed up, and I COMPLETELY understand why your head is confused.  I feel for you.

Stay strong, day at a time, focus on little things that don't involve this girl's family... .  you did not deserve to be dragged into this mess and you have done nothing wrong. In fact, you did everything right, trying to be a support for her.  She just isn't ready yet.  And that is something you can't help her with.  She needs to extricate herself in her own time.

xxx

My T, actually both T's told me it's likely her sister had something to do with the triggering of my ex BPD (and likely the sister also has BPD). And that there are some serious things wrong with this sister. I think to let go is not to think about this anymore, but I do think venting about this, as it seriously screwed me in the head, was what I needed. I didnt understand their r/s for a long time and it only get's worse and more dysfunctional. Maybe I should give up trying to make sense of it, and just ...

let go

[Surnia]

Harm

Good to hear about you and running! Great news. 

Could be the anti-depression meds or the running or both: Feeling your own anger is good. It is part of the grieving process.

[HarmKrakow]

Harm

Good to hear about you and running! Great news. 

Could be the anti-depression meds or the running or both: Feeling your own anger is good. It is part of the grieving process.

I feel (or hope to feel) as that this is also a little part of the grieving process for me. Rather than letting my unstable head process this story about her dysfunctional relationships and her family I would really like to be able to hear from others that, dude, that doesn't sound completely 'normal'. At all...

I mean this weird dysfunctional relationship my ex BPD has with her sister seriously gives me a headache, it seriously does. I tried my best when I was with her to show her from my best side, and she even liked me in the beginning but when her mother told about me she changed completely and kept bashing on my ex BPD to break up with me. And then I look on how that sister has treated my ex BPD, she lied, she sold her jewelry, her shoes etc. She hit my ex, she spread lies to her parents about my ex.

It's so dysfunctional, it's seriously blowing of my head  :'( because just a few weeks ago I had still hope to be once part of this family.  :'(