Cruel judgement handed down on Feb. 26

[stuckinbetween]

Dear Friends,

There were two competing proposed orders submitted to the judge.  Within only 2 days, he basically signed the opposing counsel's order.  He cited no statutes , case law, etc.  He hadn't read my 2 days of testimony, or that of my occupational therapist who testified to the necessity of my home health care needs due to my disability.

The settlement I received will be enough to buy a house, but that's it.  I can't pay for the utilities, upkeep, taxes, etc., so there is really no money to buy a house.  The alimony is only $570 a mo. plus an additional $500 for 20 months.  My home health care alone is $900 per mo.  Plus I'm now on the hook for paying my own health ins. and prescription coverage which will be $400 per mo.  Medicaid will now drop me because I have over $2K in assets.

My mental health is extremely tenuous right now.  I haven't even been able to post because the physiological and emotional effects of the PTSD are so overwhelming I can't function.  I don't know how I can live this way.  Nightmares prevent me from sleeping.

My attorney is appalled.  She filed a motion for a final hearing to have the judge reconsider blatantly incorrect parts of the judgement.  She'll put the actual evidence before him.  She says she won't charge me for communicating with her and reassures me that so much in this judgement isn't supported by law.  But it's hard to believe her.  It's hard to believe in anything.  After all, it'll be the same judge.  He obviously believed that the exh doesn't have the ability to pay even though he put over $12K on 2 credit cards every month and paid them in full, plus paid a couple thousand ahead!

My therapist says keep fighting or I'll be worse off psychologically.  My family is pushing me to drop it, or I'll be dead.  I do worry about that but feel if I just accept this, I'm dead already.  I will go to Fla. for this hearing in May or June.  But I don't know how to function minute to minute.  I'm isolated by my disability and the triggers from other people who insist on giving me advice like "time to move on", minimizing my pain, or (this is horrible) staying away and ignoring me.  Yet I hate being confined to this ugly cinderblock apartment in gov't subsized housing with all these addicts.

My exNPD is not happy to merely keep everything he stole.  He asked for, and actually received the last 2 beautiful things I have.  The Persian rug on the floor and my beautiful unique flatware---a birthday gift.  This after he had come to our Fla. house with a moving van when I was away, and moved out every other thing of value.  The reason he didn't get the rug and flatware was because I'd put them in storage until he returned my jewelry, which he never did.

There are no PTSD trained therapists in this very remote area.  My therapist thinks I'll be helped by writing positive affirmations and posting them around the house.  What a sick joke---it's like putting out a raging conflagration by throwing cups of water at it.  I don't connect with this guy on an emotional level at all, but he's the only one within 100 miles.

So you guys are my support right now.  Because you get it. I need you.  I need you.

Stuckinbetween

[DreamGirl]

I'm so sorry stuckinbetween. 

[gina louise]

OMG  "?"

stuckinbetween

this must be a painful and uncertain time for you. I am SO sorry.

it does sound like a Nightmare.

all I can say is trust your attorney-she has YOUR interest in mind and sounds like a caring individual, to boot.

the one thing that helped me was my belief in Karma... .  that the Universe sees All, and seeks Balance, ultimately.

You still have an option- try to focus on that. Your lawyer and the appeal. Don't drop it.

You need to seek out people who have supportive advice-"drop it" is denial-not support!

GL

[ForeverDad]

Murphy's law as applied to high conflict people in court... .  Despite all the evidence to the contrary, what can go wrong will go wrong. :'(

So is this basically lawyer seeking a 'reconsideration'?  Usually there are limited time periods where you can file an appeal.  Apparently then you're not at the point yet where an appeal is appropriate?

[stuckinbetween]

I just learned that the Motion for Consideration was denied.  There is no way this judgement will get me through my life.  I am so stunned I'm immobilized.

[Waddams]

I'm sorry.  Sounds like some back room deals were made or something. 

For now, though, just remember that you still have the ability to pick yourself up and keep going.  It doesn't mean just forget it all, but concentrate on what you can do for yourself right now.

And sometimes these things have a way of coming back to bite the dirty players.  There was a judge here that was known for doing this sort of thing, being almost verbally abusive to people, etc.  He finally pissed off the wrong plaintiff and lawyer, and after the case in which he hit them with a very unfair and unlawful ruling, they turned around and went back after him when it was election time.  The L ran against him, and publicized how bad a judge he'd been, and beat him.  Now the ex-judge is having a rough time even getting clients as a private lawyer again.  The rest of the County's judges are actually doing their work in much better, fairer fashion too.  One of them (the guy that did my divorce actually) was also tossed off the bench for ethics violations right around the same time.

I also think the original wronged client won an appeal as well.   

So things seem dark right now, but you have the control over your life to make it brighter, even though it doesn't seem like it right now.  I'm not trying to invalidate your feelings of how unfair this all is, because it's very unfair.  However, also I'd like to encourage you to start brainstorming what you are able to do for yourself to start rebuilding.  It's okay to not be where you want to be.  It takes time to go through these things.  Just please don't give up on yourself.

[stuckinbetween]

Thank you so much for your kind words which I just read.  Right now I'm feeling cast out of a world where rules of civility, equity, and justice were values I'd believed in all my life.  I'm so confused, I can't make sense of anything.  The kind support and presence of those of you who understand will be a huge part of what will sustain me in the present and the forseeable future.  Most of the family here is kind but fatalistic.  Some of them aren't kind at all because my situation causes them to blame my attorney and myself.  The judge apparently didn't even read the Motion for Reconsideration. But my attorney now says she'll be my forever friend no matter what.  She wants me to return to Florida where at least I can get out all year.  Being isolated in this tiny cinder block apartment with all the ice and snow is intolerable and adds to my stress.

Please continue to help me get through this.

Stuckinbetween

I need a new name here.  Would welcome suggestions.

[ForeverDad]

There is a limited time for appeals and courts are generally very strict about that time frame.  If you decide to appeal, you must act quickly.  In most places the appeal lawyer must be different than the lawyer used previously.  Is that an option for you?  It's possible an appeals court would find that the judge did not rule appropriately, even considering the "judicial discretion" most courts are allowed.  Fortunately, a lot of your best information is submitted to the court and on the record.  (In general, appeals cannot reference information or testimony not already on record with the court.)

[stuckinbetween]

Thank you, Forever Dad,

We are going to discuss an appeal this weekend.  We have tons of good stuff submitted, but what it'll come down to is proving he has the ability to pay.  Hard with his being self-employed and hiding assets in his girlfriend's business.  His ability to pay is ultimately where this judge went.  He took a beeline there and disregarded everything else.  Still an Appeal's court should have given me back half of what exh took---under Florida law any marital assets taken by his business should have been treated as a loan, with half payable to me.

My attorney and family are very concerned about the toll this has taken on me with the development of diabetes, which is highly reactive to stress and the PTSD.  Still the attorney says this judgement is so rotten it reeks and blatantly contradicts the law.  My first order of business is to rescue my health.

I thought a judge had to allow this Motion to Reconsider.

Forever Dad, I can't begin to tell you how much I value your view point.  I don't get this stuff from any source other than this board.

Stuckinbetween

[crazylife]

Wow, how horrible. It seems like you are getting kicked when you are down. Do the right thing and let karma take care of the rest. Not always easy to do when you feel like you are drowning.

You need to find a estate attorney to tell you how to buy a place to live and all that.

Then find someone to live in and help you part of the time in exchange for room and board. There are people like me, a nurse that have more than once considered and looked for a gig like that... (that is one of my departure plans actually, if I have to leave in a hurry.)

I know it sound hokey and I am in now way trying to belittle your situation, but carve out a little time daily and focus on what you do want, really want...

Hugs,

[crazylife]

Rising Phoenix... .  would be strong and awesome I think

[livednlearned]

Not even a peep about garnishing future wages?

I mean, wow.

So one of the things that happens when we're stressed and afraid is that everything feels worse and that's all we can imagine for ourselves. Anxiety and worry are forms of imagination. There are still things you can do legally, and it sounds like your L is willing to push ahead without charging you. That's good news.

And it sounds like a good plan to move back to Florida. You don't have enough to buy a house, but you did get a reasonable sum of money? I had to let go of normal (owning a home in my mid 40s) when I realized I could'nt afford to buy a house because of the legal bills. It's hard to be a renter at this point in my life, but then I look around at friends who want to sell houses and can't because the resale value is $80K below what they bought it for 5 years ago. You may move back to Florida and find a situation you hadn't thought of, and it fits all your needs. This ruling is a blow right now, and you are understandably blindsided, but from out here on the Internet, half of the problem seems to be the PTSD and cabin fever -- it is making you feel as though you have no good options. People will suggest things you hadn't thought of, you'll get some distance from this nightmare and your mental health will strengthen. You're clearly a very resilient wonderful person, and not even your NPD exH can take that from you.

And when someone tells you to move on, put a laxative in their coffee.

[stuckinbetween]

It isn't at all a reasonable sum of money for me because I'll now need home health care in every day and I'll have to pay my own medical insurance which is very expensive.  What I have to do is explore a self-settled special needs trust so I can continue to be eligible for Medicaid.  It's a horrible option because it would require me to give up all autonomy for financial decisions and would require my trustees to make financial decisions (I'm sure they'll do whatever I want) but there are certain things they can't pay for such as restaurant meals and hotel rooms.  With a trust, trustees can't purchase anything Medicaid would pay for such as food and shelter.  I can't even imagine never being able to go out to eat, order in a pizza, or staying in a hotel while on a vacation.  This is what my exh and the judge have done to me.  But it's the only way to make the money stretch given my health needs.

I had to ship out my flatware and my Persian rug bck to the ex.  Heartbreaking.  But he must need them more than I do to fill up the empty cruel void that is the whole of him.  Such evil.

Thanks for the ideas and support.

Stuckinbetween

[sanemom]

And when someone tells you to move on, put a laxative in their coffee.

Seriously, though, there have got to be other living arrangements to get you by temporarily... . brainstorm, look around... . it sounds like a door was closed hard, but see if you can find a window.

I am so sorry.  I know it feels completely and utterly hopeless for you right now.     ((HUGS))