A small piece of "good" today

[mango_flower]

Today I did something good for myself.

I asked for help.

As many of you know, I can't afford a therapist due to my ex leaving me in a financial mess.

And my doctors surgery can refer people for counselling, but it's only in working hours... .  so much for rewarding those of us who try and hold it together and hold down a job, eh? 

So I went down to HR at my workplace (I'm a teacher)

They are completing a referral for me to a therapist,  free of charge, in a program they have to ensure the mental health of their employees.

If it happens to fall when one of my lessons is, then they get somebody to cover for me - no questions asked.

They will try and arrange counselling for me at a time when I have a free period or something, or straight after work if needs be.

The HR girl was lovely - she said that if the counselling doesn't work they can refer me to occupational health for a psychological assessment, it may be that I can get anti-anxiety pills or something.

Anyway - I know I've been quite negative lately, and very sad, guilty and confused.

So I thought I'd try and post something positive to show you guys I really AM trying, even though it may not always come across that way x

[HarmKrakow]

And keep trying! Me to, i'm still walking around here, although doubting more than ever. I can honestly say, I had a little good moment in life today, it was little, and I might be back 2morrow completely in shock, but I had a good moment. Met a complete random couple in the train, who I ended up talking to, who were both social workers, experienced in ... .  mental disorders! They were from America, the moment I left the train the couple gave me a hug and told me, good luck man.

Was amazing. And it was pure luck that I met them cuz in the morning I didn't feel to good, or basically didn't feel good at all. And thought yet again about ending it, even dreamed about a suicide note. I took a train 2 hours later and I meet 2 experienced social workers on Borderline traveling through my country! Teh fudge!

[Wendell]

Mango, I've read several of your posts and I think you are holding things together very well.    I know you are going through a lot right now, I believe you are handling it all in a most positive way. And if there are days when you feel negative and sad, we've all been there, we're here to support one another.  I'm also a teacher and have returned to therapy because they offer it free of charge in the district I work for.  It's nice that we can be taken care of in that way, mental health is as important as physical health! Hang in there and take care of you! 

[Wendell]

Harmkrakow, I hope you keep feeling better. Sounds like you had one of those little coincidences that aren't coincidences at all! 

[willy45]

Yeah. Good for you.

And good for you for getting up and getting to work everyday. 

[afterdeath]

And keep trying! Me to, i'm still walking around here, although doubting more than ever. I can honestly say, I had a little good moment in life today, it was little, and I might be back 2morrow completely in shock, but I had a good moment. Met a complete random couple in the train, who I ended up talking to, who were both social workers, experienced in ... .  mental disorders! They were from America, the moment I left the train the couple gave me a hug and told me, good luck man.

Was amazing. And it was pure luck that I met them cuz in the morning I didn't feel to good, or basically didn't feel good at all. And thought yet again about ending it, even dreamed about a suicide note. I took a train 2 hours later and I meet 2 experienced social workers on Borderline traveling through my country! Teh fudge!

it's a sign to hang in there harm... .  if you're ever serious about suicide, please seek help, i can say i've been guilty of wondering "what would it be like if i weren't here, would she cry at my funeral?". Never serious about it though, just intrigued. I admittedly and regrettingly told her in my last blow up i contemplated suicide, not a lie, i did think about it... .  but i'd never go through with it.

I said it a few times and i'll say it again, the best revenge is living WELL! Let them know what they missed out on.

Good for you Mango, what do you teach?

[OTH]

Good for you! I think you are doing well. You are consistantly trying to work through it. You are going to be ok. 

Today I did something good for myself.

I asked for help.

As many of you know, I can't afford a therapist due to my ex leaving me in a financial mess.

And my doctors surgery can refer people for counselling, but it's only in working hours... .  so much for rewarding those of us who try and hold it together and hold down a job, eh? 

So I went down to HR at my workplace (I'm a teacher)

They are completing a referral for me to a therapist,  free of charge, in a program they have to ensure the mental health of their employees.

If it happens to fall when one of my lessons is, then they get somebody to cover for me - no questions asked.

They will try and arrange counselling for me at a time when I have a free period or something, or straight after work if needs be.

The HR girl was lovely - she said that if the counselling doesn't work they can refer me to occupational health for a psychological assessment, it may be that I can get anti-anxiety pills or something.

Anyway - I know I've been quite negative lately, and very sad, guilty and confused.

So I thought I'd try and post something positive to show you guys I really AM trying, even though it may not always come across that way x

[GreenMango]

No shame in needing help sometimes  .  Happy for you this piece worked out. 

[HarmKrakow]

And keep trying! Me to, i'm still walking around here, although doubting more than ever. I can honestly say, I had a little good moment in life today, it was little, and I might be back 2morrow completely in shock, but I had a good moment. Met a complete random couple in the train, who I ended up talking to, who were both social workers, experienced in ... .  mental disorders! They were from America, the moment I left the train the couple gave me a hug and told me, good luck man.

Was amazing. And it was pure luck that I met them cuz in the morning I didn't feel to good, or basically didn't feel good at all. And thought yet again about ending it, even dreamed about a suicide note. I took a train 2 hours later and I meet 2 experienced social workers on Borderline traveling through my country! Teh fudge!

it's a sign to hang in there harm... .  if you're ever serious about suicide, please seek help, i can say i've been guilty of wondering "what would it be like if i weren't here, would she cry at my funeral?". Never serious about it though, just intrigued. I admittedly and regrettingly told her in my last blow up i contemplated suicide, not a lie, i did think about it... .  but i'd never go through with it.

I said it a few times and i'll say it again, the best revenge is living WELL! Let them know what they missed out on.

Good for you Mango, what do you teach?

You know what, that question. Would she cry at your funeral, would she come, would she paint you black?

Every last few nights i'm a spectator of writing my own ending note. And then the entire thing happening in front of my eyes, and it's like you want it so bad, it feels so relaxing. It feels so relieving and even worse, it feels like one big, screw you in the end. Some sort of justice? Not sure if I should see it that way.

Although I do work, it's not fixing my problems at the moment. It simply isnt for the reason that you are not making a social life at work. Life is work atm, that is not good nor helping.

[Newton]

mango I am so pleased for you 

keep on keeping on... .  thankyou for letting us know