Silent Treatment by Text Only ~form of Control

[RunLoLaRun]

I mentioned my wife udBPD and I have been separated for 8 months after her abrupt departure. She was baiting for 5 of those months keeping me hooked in while she was living her "other life with anyone who would give her attention" I suppose. When I figured it out and confronted her she started with verbal assaults and hanging up. Then she came around and apologised but she still wanted to hook me in. I pulled back and told her why can't she cooperate so we can take care of what needs to be tended to and move on. She didn't like my response. Then I began getting the silent treatment with sporadic texts. This has been going on for the last 2 months. This is really strange because I am getting the impression she is doing this as a form of passive aggressive/control to keep me in wonder (her perception) of what is she up to which keeps me hooked into this situation for now. If anything I am bewildered. Nothing else has worked to keep me hooked so I am realising is she is conducting herself in this manner to keep me guessing/pursuing and is that a form of manipulation/control for them? Mind you I have never experienced this level of manipulation with her until 7 months ago. We were together 15 years but I realise her subtle control over me leaving me emotionally/mentally exhausted.  Coming to terms with the intense feeling of betrayal as a result of her behaviour and it is difficult to separate the person you thought you knew from the person who is being taken over by their condition.  How many of those years was she her true self? Looking back I really don't know if she ever was.

[wanttoknowmore]

I am going through similar situation. My pwBPD always wanted to call and talk but for last 4 weeks since being dysregulated ,she has switched to TEXT only mode and answers 1 time for 4 or 5 attempts to reach her... then,the answers are mostly blame and criticism. She never did such things in two years ... its a complete change... I wonder is it conscoius attempt to manipulate or something they can not control... What do you think?

[LetItBe]

I wonder is it conscoius attempt to manipulate or something they can not control...

This is definitely common here.  I'm wondering the same thing about the silent treatment I just received.

[wanttoknowmore]

Her behavior of S.T and then, off and on replies threat to move on etc. have

made me feel like I might have  BPD. I am chasing her and then stopping for a few days... saying different things out of frustration... .  can't let go.break NC.

I was never like this before. I never had BPD symptoms or behavior in my past relationships. This is unusual for me. I never had these behaviors before.

Does anyone else started to feel that they might have BPD when dealing with a dysregulated BPD partner?

[patientandclear]

My uBPDexbf is a classic example.  When we were first together, he wanted to talk by phone nearly every night (so did I! It was fun!)  Now, he will never answer the phone when I remember that phones have functions other than texting & actually attempt real-time communication. (We are friends, sometimes close, sometimes less so.)  He wants to see me in person (or he did before he suddenly left town ... .  but that's another story!) but he wants those meetings to be spaced out, once every couple of weeks. Texting is his thing when he's feeling close to me, email when he needs even more distance. And with email, it's really distant since he doesn't have internet access at home ... .  he checks email every day or so, so when I send something, he may not even see it for a day or two.

It's all about contact while maintaining a safe separation/distance, it seems to me. His walls are way up most of the time, and text or email are forms of contact that prevent intimacy overload, I think.

[LetItBe]

Does anyone else started to feel that they might have BPD when dealing with a dysregulated BPD partner?

Yes, but I don't fit 5 of the 9 criteria.  Just about everyone has some traits.  People here on the boards have referred to what I think you're describing as BPD "lite."