Question about DBT rules

[griz]

Today was DD 2nd time in therapy and we start group next month with the new module.  :)D came out of therapy very annoyed because the therapist told her when she come to therapy and group she must wear gloves to cover her scars. When DD would become very anxious she would scratch at her hands which left scars.  These were not SI scars they were something she did compulsively when she got anxious.  :)D was upset about this and said that that is why they are all there  and she thinks it is dumb to cover her scars up.  I can understand when she was cutting they would tell them they had to wear long sleeves to group so as not to trigger someone but I am not sure how I feel about covering all scars that are not SI.  

I would appreciate any advice on how to handle this.  Should I discuss this with the T or should I just explain to DD these are the rules.  

Griz

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

We don't get to choose the rules.  When we choose to attend any organized gathering or engage outside of our own homes in most anything we accept the rules that are applied and enforced.  Radical Acceptance...

Just my thoughts

[inkling16]

Today was DD 2nd time in therapy and we start group next month with the new module.  DD came out of therapy very annoyed because the therapist told her when she come to therapy and group she must wear gloves to cover her scars. When DD would become very anxious she would scratch at her hands which left scars.  These were not SI scars they were something she did compulsively when she got anxious.  DD was upset about this and said that that is why they are all there  and she thinks it is dumb to cover her scars up.  I can understand when she was cutting they would tell them they had to wear long sleeves to group so as not to trigger someone but I am not sure how I feel about covering all scars that are not SI. 

I would appreciate any advice on how to handle this.  Should I discuss this with the T or should I just explain to DD these are the rules. 

Griz

I'm not sure this doesn't count as SI, even if it is a nervous habit. Our daughter did the same thing when she was in RT, and it was a substitute for not being able to do the cutting that she had been doing. But regardless, my understanding is that part of DBT is learning other ways to deal with anxiety. Even if the scars wouldn't trigger the others in group, wearing gloves might help her be more aware of the habit and work toward substituting some other response. I think if I were you I would do both things: i.e., talk to the therapist for your own information, but just tell DD that those are the rules.

[Being Mindful]

There will be other rules too... .  missed absences are a big thing, even if your d. is hospitalized and misses a pre-determined number of sessions, she may lose her spot and will need to wait until the group circles back around to the unit where you left off. Or, even if sickness or on the run etc. Homework will be expected too and no excuses, along with diary cards.

[griz]

Thanks for the input.  Since this is our second time in DBT we are aware of all of the rules ie: missed session, homework, etc and I think the rules are good and although this rule seems to not really make sense to DD, I like the idea of radical acceptance.  DD and I talked about it in the car this morning and she kept giving me examples of why this rule didn't make sense such as the girl with the different color hair everyweek and a new facial piercing each week doesn't have to cover up how she deals with her issues. I validated as best I could saying I understand how you feel about this and to be truthful I don't neccessarily agree with this rule, but it is their rule so it is one that we will have to learn to accept.  DD asked if she could get a cool pair of gloves and I thought that was a really good solution.

Griz

[lbjnltx]

Thanks for the input.  Since this is our second time in DBT we are aware of all of the rules ie: missed session, homework, etc and I think the rules are good and although this rule seems to not really make sense to DD, I like the idea of radical acceptance.  DD and I talked about it in the car this morning and she kept giving me examples of why this rule didn't make sense such as the girl with the different color hair everyweek and a new facial piercing each week doesn't have to cover up how she deals with her issues. I validated as best I could saying I understand how you feel about this and to be truthful I don't neccessarily agree with this rule, but it is their rule so it is one that we will have to learn to accept.  DD asked if she could get a cool pair of gloves and I thought that was a really good solution.

Griz

Awesome!  What more could you hope for!

You have come a long way in your skills Griz    and the benefits are a wonderful thing for us to see.