putting on my armor

[twojaybirds]

Well the signs are she is spiraling down and I am bracing myself.

She just got her license last week and was on top of the world.  I received a few texts yesterday about pain she was in and exbf.

This morning a text asking:

if my bf will take her car shopping  ( she has no money) 

if we can get her clothes out of her best gf's car (really nice best gf who has stood by her since 3rd grade posted on fb  "You my friend, are  an ass.  That's it. So I cant imagine what happened there)

store her clothes here

if she can spend the night tonight so she can go to church tomorrow

my reply was:

"bf will be here at noon and you could be here at noon too so we could discuss a plan that works for everyone because I have needs too."

her reply:

"well never mind"

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[motherof1yearold]

People with BPD only ask for things to benefit them, when they want, how they want it  - and when it doesn't work out perfectly for them they drop the whole thing . Total disregard to your wishes... Added with a huge sense of entitlement = 

She sounds to be narcissistic as well  - BPD and NPD are common together. 

[somuchlove]

My dd seems to text back the same replies when I didn't agree and jump to getting her what she wants.  I am trying to work on validating that she feels she wants a car.  Then I would perhaps suggest that I would be happy to visit with her about getting one when she was ready.  That way I wouldn't close the door on her idea but somehow ( I am not good at this yet) allow her to figure out how payments could be made for this car. 

I have allowed my dd to run me ragged getting things for her, ex.  your dd's clothes etc.  I am trying to learn ways to say,  good idea to get your clothes, let me know when you talk to your friend, if I could pick them up or , do you want me to take you to get them.  I don't know if this is right or not but my dd always wants me to do her "dirty work" so to speak.  Perhaps your dd is putting all these demands on you just to check to make sure you are still going to be there for her.  I think my dd does these things to me to check my not leaving her.

Good luck  At least you are seeing that she is on a downward spiral and you can prepare for them.  She will call or text you back.  YOu are important to her.  She will probably have something else she needs.  This is so hard. 

[BioAdoptMom3]

I know it doesn't help your situation, but you are not alone!  Never mind?  I can so hear our DD saying the same thing - and she has, MANY times   ! 

[twojaybirds]

Thanks for all your repleis.  Affirmation is always great.

We actually had a few good conversation.  I did not allow her to manipulate me.  She was actually looking for a place to stay this weekend, house her clothes and a ride back to school on Sunday or Monday but never came clean with it all.

I offered her things within my boundary... . a place to stay one night and bus fare to get back to school.  She said "no"

I affirmed her "no" and told her she was a smart girl and good problem solver and I was sure she would figure out what she needed.  I then turned off my phone for the weekend and my bf took me out of town.

Oh and I ended every conversation with I love you and she actually said I love you back  

I have no idea what she figured out or where she is but history shows she always gets what she is seeking even though last minute drama.

[twojaybirds]

As I suspected she has continued downward.  Easter was a disaster.  I'll spare the details but she iced the cake with her fb blast that I was not a mother  just an egg donor.  I guess she forgot to post about the 2new spring outfits I bought for  her, the huge Easter meal, the Easter basket waiting for her when she awake, the trip to the store to buy any  groceries she wanted, the offer to driver her to see friends, the long afternoon conversation... .  

Anyways she didn't make it back to school then today ended in the ER with pelvic pain which she has decided is ulcers and a kidney infection although the paperwork only states pelvic pain.   And now she is out on the streets, it's 10:00pm, the shelter is full and my ringer is off because she keeps calling and I am not answering. 

[Thursday]

2jaybirds,

Sorry this is cycling down, I can certainly relate. The months and weeks after my BPDSD21 got her license are a well remembered misery. SD thought that passing her driving test and getting her license meant that she was entitled to drive our cars since we didn't immediately buy her a car.

She dysregulated for weeks while we held firm.

So, hold firm as you are, it sounds like you've got this but we hear you about how it feels.

Ack.

Thursday