Hi Cooper12, welcome
I understand your head is spinning. Mine was too when I first came online here. There is the chaos of having a child with BPD (and not having a 'proper' diagnosis... . ) then there is all the information. Then there are all the words and ideas floating around while we deal with our own hurt, guilt, grief, frustration, anxiety and anger all mixed in. Is it no wonder we sometimes feel confused?
You are in the right place here, you are safe here. We all have felt the same things - even if our situations differ. We know how it is.
So, what do you do? First rule is to take care of yourself. You cannot be there for your son unless you are ok yourself. Second thing is to learn as much as possible about BPD. The more you understand, the easier it becomes to handle. I recommend the book by
Valerie Porr: Overcoming BPD It is an especially good one for parents and is easy to read. Second I think you might benefit from learning how to be supportive and not enabling - what is the difference between the two... .
see if this link below helps you clarify your thoughts a little.
Cooper12, we are here for you, please let us know how it goes.
Cheers,
Vivek
Are you supporting or enabling?