What made them finally leave you alone?

[crashintome]

I'm sitting here thinking, "I wonder if I will ever hear from her again."

In the past, it's the same cycle.  She gets with someone else, it lasts a few weeks/months, they split, she calls me, leads me on for a few weeks/months and then ends up back with the other girl.

I'm wondering what will finally break the cycle.  I'm in a place where I'm doing NC.  I have not text/emailed her since she told me she was back with her ex.  I haven't heard from her and have no idea if I will.

For those of you who were recycled over and over, what made your pwBPD finally leave you alone?  What was the "last straw"?

[laelle]

I know from the inside this seems like a really tough question, I've been there recently.  I can tell you the best way to get them to leave you alone is to move on with your life and to not let them back in.  You control you, not them.  

They feed off your wanting them.

If you stop wanting them, they wont need you anymore.  They will permanently move on.  

I know you cant stop wanting her right now, but you can stop letting her know that you do by ignoring and not letting it show.

Take that time and work on you.

[fakename]

I can't give expert advice. But for me and after 100 recycles, I think it was her seeing that I wasn't going to believe her lies any more no matter how long she went on trying to convince me she was telling me the truth. So I guess it's having boundaries. Which, after becoming such a puppet for so long, I'm proud I finally put my foot down before even knowing she has BPD.

I also think its cause she is getting attention elsewhere. But she broke up with her latest boyfriend and not Long after she set me a connection request on LinkedIn. (Testing the waters I guess)

So it's been since feb 4th and with me ignoring her, I only got that request and a stupid email about me trying Chantix. That's about it. I think as long as I continue to ignore, eventually she'll stop entirely.

That girl had a pretty big ego, so can't imagine her giving herself up like that too often unless she is really desperate.

[mitti]

An ultimatum on my part. I decided to stick to my boundaries and demand something from him. He just couldn't give, not anything at all. He kept saying he would, and would I give him time and maybe he would see things my way. He told our T that our r/s was way more important to him. I in turn told the T it wasn't to me. In the end I just came to the end of the road where I couldn't wait any longer. I had to regain my self respect. When he realized that he couldn't manipulate me into staying with him anymore without having my needs considered, although I am sure he would phrase it differently, he no longer tried to make me stay with him.

We have been NC for 7 weeks.

[laelle]

When he realized that he couldn't manipulate me into staying with him anymore without having my needs considered, although I am sure he would phrase it differently, he no longer tried to make me stay with him.

What a powerful statement, and very true.  

Thanks for that.  It hit home.

Going to put that one in my inspirational notes. 

[LetItBe]

An ultimatum on my part. I decided to stick to my boundaries and demand something from him. He just couldn't give, not anything at all. He kept saying he would, and would I give him time and maybe he would see things my way. He told our T that our r/s was way more important to him. I in turn told the T it wasn't to me. In the end I just came to the end of the road where I couldn't wait any longer. I had to regain my self respect. When he realized that he couldn't manipulate me into staying with him anymore without having my needs considered, although I am sure he would phrase it differently, he no longer tried to make me stay with him.

We have been NC for 7 weeks.

This sounds like where we might be headed, too.   I have important needs that he agreed to accommodate, and he is showing me that he won't/can't.  He indicates he has no clue why I feel angry and hurt.  I feel it's pointless to repeat my needs once again.  Heck, I've even resorted to leaving things in writing for him since he seems to forget important conversations and agreements that we make.

To address the OP, I think that not responding is key.  Don't respond in ANY way at all.  That would be intermittent reinforcement, and that is powerful stuff that will keep them -- and us -- engaged.  If you really don't want any reminders or temptation to respond, you could block her phone calls, texts, emails, etc.