Its like watching a car crash in slow motion

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Ive been sort of bouncing back and forth between boards. Originally on the staying board because at first I thought I could help. She was in therapy, and started DBT. But, after some time, I realized I couldn't change her behavior.   Then I was going to the leaving board because after the things she's been doing, I know I cant have a romantic relationship with her. But, im not the type to fully detach and cut someone from my life. I cant fix her, but I do want to be supportive. After some weeks of NC, I started talking to her again. Just as friends, nothing more. I cant love the person she has turned into the last couple months, but I dont hate her either.

For a while, Ive been watching her spiral out of control. Disappearing for days, reckless behaviors, etc. I really thought there wasn't much more she could do that would surprise me. I guess the joke is on me, because I still keep getting surprised. Today's bombshell? She decided to quit DBT, and she's no longer seeing her therapist. Because she's "feeling much better". She's "not sure how much therapy can help" her anymore.

All I can do is just sort of shake my head, and laugh. Its almost surreal. I can see all the pieces falling into place. Its a car crash in slow motion. You can see this horrible event about to happen. As horrible as it sounds, I feel like just grabbing some popcorn, and taking a seat as I watch the story about to unfold. I just feel a little bad because of how much humor I find in the situation.

[inepted]

Ive been sort of bouncing back and forth between boards. Originally on the staying board because at first I thought I could help. She was in therapy, and started DBT. But, after some time, I realized I couldn't change her behavior.   Then I was going to the leaving board because after the things she's been doing, I know I cant have a romantic relationship with her. But, im not the type to fully detach and cut someone from my life. I cant fix her, but I do want to be supportive. After some weeks of NC, I started talking to her again. Just as friends, nothing more. I cant love the person she has turned into the last couple months, but I dont hate her either.

For a while, Ive been watching her spiral out of control. Disappearing for days, reckless behaviors, etc. I really thought there wasn't much more she could do that would surprise me. I guess the joke is on me, because I still keep getting surprised. Today's bombshell? She decided to quit DBT, and she's no longer seeing her therapist. Because she's "feeling much better". She's "not sure how much therapy can help" her anymore.

All I can do is just sort of shake my head, and laugh. Its almost surreal. I can see all the pieces falling into place. Its a car crash in slow motion. You can see this horrible event about to happen. As horrible as it sounds, I feel like just grabbing some popcorn, and taking a seat as I watch the story about to unfold. I just feel a little bad because of how much humor I find in the situation.

[Surnia]

Looks like you are now in a healthier distance toward her, having this impression of sitting in a movie.

Its really sad that she decided to quit DBT, however its her choice.

One word about the boards: Its not a "must" to be NC to post on leaving. Some Leavers are maintaining a controlled low contact.

[hithere]

Much of what you say in your post is very familiar.  I think low contact might work for a while but my guess is when she gets very down she will try and recycle or triangulate you with her new love, it might be impossible.

good luck

[inepted]

Much of what you say in your post is very familiar.  I think low contact might work for a while but my guess is when she gets very down she will try and recycle or triangulate you with her new love, it might be impossible.

good luck

Im not too worried about a recycle. From her past relationships, she's never attempted it. But then again, who knows. Before me she's always had someone lined up. This time however, she's struggling to make a connection with anyone. I mean, there will always be a part of me that still wants to attempt to have a relationship again with the person I knew. Im not one to hold a grudge on anyone; whats in the past is the past to me. I do have boundaries as to what I will and wont tolerate though, and a romantic relationship is out of the question with the person she's become.

Triangulation (read definition), perhaps. But that takes a third person. She's more the type to stalk you on social media like facebook or twitter to find out what's up. Which, often times just makes her more upset because then she sees how much fun everyone is having with out her.

I know its somewhat common traits of a pwBPD, but may I ask what makes you think she may attempt to try something though?

[hithere]

what makes you think she may attempt to try something though?

My personal experience and reading posts here.  It seems she will head down until she finds a new person, if things don't work with them she will likely bounce back to what she knows and if you are saying you still desire a relationship with her, you can bet she senses that.