For all the fathers out there

[broken3]

I have been posting and reading all the stories about how unjust the system is to some of the fathers that truly care about their children. That is in no way an insult to all the mothers who deal with a BPD husband. It just appears to me that either the father accepts a typical outcome and says he is screwed. Or is in for the battle of his life... .   Literally.

  What ever happened to equal parenting? Womens rights? Innocent till proven guilty?

I have witnessed and been a victim to the current justice system who still villanizes fathers who truly care about their children.

The system is broken. When one person can levy charges based on mere words that come out of their mouth and financially ruin another (including the family). Destroy their childrens relationships with their father for nothing else but their own gain. Not to mention the smear campaigns and complete destruction of a family unit.Without one shred of proof. Where does it end?

  To give some insight. I was again in court defending myself against bogus protection from abuse charges from my ex. For the second time.

The first time the charges were dismissed. As I was charged with abuse of not only my ex. but also my kids.

Hell I never even spanked my kids. And I was not even home when she said my abuse toward her happened. Which I was able to prove.

This time the abuse order was issued because I was driving to get clothes for my kids. My daughter saw her car on main street. My daughter took a picture in front of the bar and said what are you doing there to my ex via text.

  My ex claimed I was stalking her. Hence the PFA against me.

I advised my attorney that I was not going to sit by and let my ex ruin and smear me no more. I have 6 months worth of texts from her (as I requested that be our only form of communication).That worked in my favor as all the nasty texts came from her and I could prove it.

  I wanted to see the judge. I was fully armed and ready for battle. I had all texts, recordings, photos, paperwork ready.

I advised my attorney to not allow a dismissal on their terms. I want to see the judge.Knowing full well that I had all the information needed to show that I was the caring, responsible, and mature adult.

  My attorney presented the basic information to my exes attorney. (Which is her third one btw).

They immediately requested a withdrawal of the PFA and would pay all charges.

Guys and fathers.

  I say this because if you truly care and are willing to fight for you kids and know what is the proper thing to do for them. Then hopefully my story will give you some hope.

I started out being evicted and removed from my house that I built with my two hands because of the "alleged" abuse. Was not able to see my kids for 6 weeks. I documented almost everything to the minute. I paid the bills. Took my kids to school. Gave them lunch money. Gave them emotional support.Provided clothes etc.

Meanwhile she did near none of that. Except have the hidden boyfriend, and taking 10's of thousands of dollars out of my business.

I now have the kids, the house, and the bogus charges are withdrawn.

There is hope out there. You just have to be patient. And make sure you do and always did the right thing.

This is part venting. And I hopefully gave some hope to all the fathers who have been falsely accused of things they did not do.

I am not very good with posting and writing. So hopefully I was able to come across as sincere and not sexist in any way. I am merely trying to give some hope and insight to some of the fathers out there who suffer because they feel they are doomed.

[marbleloser]

Well done! That is awesome broken3! What's going to help fathers in court,is people like you standing up and fighting for their kids,instead of walking away from them and taking the scraps.You did everything right.Even if you lose a battle,you still keep fighting the war.

Congratulations!

[rogerroger]

Thumbs up!

It's comforting to know that sometimes things work out at least reasonably well.

[broken3]

Marble and forever,

It has been a damned near exhausting experience. It still goes on day to day. I just say to myself "do whats right".

I am not a very religious person. But I have come to believe there is someone looking out for me as I continue to fight the good fight and have been slowly winning. It has been a long hard road. But I believe that I am doing the right thing for my kids.

 My kids are aware and they can see their mother anytime they want. I believe in that. I don't play games.  

They are smart. But 2 out of my 3 kids are teenagers and they tend to take advantage of the situation for their own benefit. Thats not to say they are bad kids. They are typical teenagers.

They understand exactly whats going on. And without saying so. They understand there is something wrong with mom. Yet they still want to spend time with her. They want her acceptance.(which is sad). Not the " mom is flipping s---t" again. Which typically happens unless mom has to be on good behavior for some reason. ( I.E. court).

 My little guy. I am trying to get him councilling (sp) as she keeps pulling him in separate rooms and filling his head with nonsense.

I.E. Daddy refuses to find your cleats, Why does daddy spend more time with your sisters. Daddy is a monster. If daddy paid me money i could do things for you... .   etc.

 I dont know if Im the unusual "dad" out there or not. I simply try to do the right thing. If that means having holes in my shoes, jeans, foregoing dental work for my kids. Then thats what I will do.

I can sleep at night knowing I did my best as my SO exwife does nothing.

[sad but wiser]

Hi broken.  No, that did not sound sexist.  Sparkle13 has had to deal with a smear campaign, too.  ForeverDad put this in a post, and it might be good for you, too.

Richard Warshak's Divorce Poison was recently revised and is excellent when dealing with alienation and involving the children in the blaming and blame shifting.  The introduction is especially powerful.  It states that the old advice to take the silent high road is wrong, you need to deal with the issues and conflicts, not ignore them or stay silent.

We women know that the justice system is not balanced, so most of us do not take offense at someone pointing that out. 

[4ourkids]

Thank you for this. My SO is another dad who is trying to do the right thing amidst unfair accusations and other unjust treatment.  It's good to hear that it can work out.