Anybody else have a "high functioning" partner who gambles compulsively?

[optimismandlove]

When he is triggered by overwhelming emotions, positive and negative, he either turns to gambling compulsively until there isnt a cent left or rages first then turns to gambling until there isnt a cent left and he is more in debt.

Am I naive to wonder that by receiving intensive treatment for the gambling addiction that the BPD may also be dealt with?

My understanding is that there is a major overlap between the two.

Unresolved emotional trauma from childhood and an inability to rationalise negative emotions.

Has anyone had success with treating gambling and BPD concurrently?

My doctor partner is in total denial about gambling being a problem but has almost conceded he exhibits BPD behaviours

[Surnia]

I would say for a healthier life it is necessary to address both. The addiction has its effects to the PD and the PD effects the addiction.

Its a bit of a "chicken and egg - who was first" problem. This may be individual.

I am wondering a bit about your intention with this question. Right now he is not in treatment and in denial about gambling. How you are dealing with this?

[optimismandlove]

Hi surnia

I hear you loud and clear about the chicken and the egg conundrum!

I am ready to give a final ultimatum.

I think there is a greater likelihood of him seeking confidential  gambling help rather than DBT becaus he is terrified he could be deregistered  as a doctor

Iam asking if anyone else has experienced any success with BPD management after their pwBPD has received addiction treatment.

[grad]

I've read posts from you before and I feel for the issues you are dealing with.  While I don't have BPD I can explain the gambling aspect of this issue from personal experience.

When you are gambling and losing the amount of money your s/o is, it's because of several reasons

1) You lack respect for money, you don't care about the loss

2) You feel like money can come so easily when you're successful and you can make it back.  However I read in one of your  earlier posts this may not be applicable since he's been deregistered

3) When you start losing and get stuck, you sometimes reach a point of no return and will continue until everything is gone.  You start becoming more obsessed with the fact that you're losing and become more and more reckless

4) Losing over and over again starts to make you feel helpless then you go back to attitude #1 which then filters into #3


What you need to start teaching your s/o is to start enjoying life again because the gambling is where he navigates to "numb the pain."  When you're gambling all you think about is the gambling itself, nothing else.  You need to show him how far he's fallen, how it is negatively affecting his family and the loss of respect people are beginning to have for his issues and lack of self control.  Instead of being the responsible person he used to be, he's going juxtaposing to the other end of the spectrum and being as irresponsible as possible.

In relation to his career issues, When did his gambling episodes start?  And when did he start becoming reckless with it?  Why did he lose his job?

I hope this helps and if you have any other questions feel free to ask.

[grad]

Also BPD starts in childhood, what childhood issues are you aware of?  Perhaps he's exhibiting BPD traits without being a BPD. 

[optimismandlove]

Thank you grad.

Sadly, I now believe the online  gambling has been entrenched since he was a medical student, over 20 years ago.

I have learned he began shoplifting as a child and stealing as a Uni student.

The family have always rescued him  as they longed for his genius ability to shine and redeem them all

He has had enormous expectations on him his entire life from his father, the ex General.

He was beaten for not getting straight As

I cant say why he was deregistered  but he was in the wilderness for 5 years and is being closely supervised now that he is practising again.

His  downfall was spectacular and very public and he changed his name.

He has been punished severely by authorities but feels he is still being "persecuted unfairly"

Sadly, this is true.

He paid the ultimate price for his misdemeanour but that is not enough for some elements of society.  He is still being unfairly persecuted and victimised.

This  is part of the reason I stand by him as a friend as do other very notable medical colleague and lawyer friends.

We have stood beside him at medical and court hearings where he has been wrongfully "hounded" by police but treated with lenience, dignity and respect by the presiding judges

He deals with one case and another arises.

He is facing yet another false allegation by a zealot police officer  to his medical board

Completely unfounded

This unrelenting persecution drives him insane and gambling is the "relief"

He is still traumatised by his deregistration and has never received appropriate help

So when yet another case looms over his head. It seems to trigger a PTSD response which leads to more catastrophic  gambling

He is literally working for Betfair

Every cent goes to them

$17,000 pw

I am hoping he stops work.  Goes bankrupt.  Heals.   Starts a new life

This is my wish for him