Help... feel crazy & like crying

[PattyG]

I feel horrible right now. my uBPDxgf is seeing someone else, someone she cheated on me with while i was pregnant. She denied it over and over, yet I have pictures from Easter weekend from her facebook of them together, I have a post from this new girl today saying she loves her. It hurts me so badly. This is while she is dragging me into court to get joint custody/visitation of my kids. I know I should be no contact yet I am looking for anything I can use against her in court. I haven't spoken to her in 9 days. That is when i first saw the pictures of her and this girl and called her from another phone distraught. All I got was circular arguments until I hung up. I wish this court thing was over. I wish they would just tell her that she has no rights so she could disappear. i wish i didn't hurt so much.

[ForeverDad]

A lot of this impact described here (about her new relationship, not ex's actions in court) is about you and your reactions.  Peer support is great, but here it's also remote and relatively anonymous.  Have you considered seeing a counselor or some other trusted person to help you Let Go, restart your life and Move On?

By the way, monitoring the posts and pages of someone who was close to you is emotionally difficult, but you or someone else ought to do it so you're not blindsided in court or miss legal strategies you wouldn't otherwise know to use.  So don't let that aspect 'guilt' you.

[momtara]

I'm sorry this is happening.  I have felt like that so many times... .   and then the next day something new happened and I felt great.  So just know that this is normal and hang in there.  Also, this new person is in for it... .   she doesn't realize it yet!  And she can't get custody of YOUR children, but don't do anything drastic to make yourself look bad or insane.  Perhaps copy the pictures etc., although I don't know if it can help in court.  I'm sorry your heart is being torn in a million pieces, but there is love and justice out there for you.  Try to be the smart one, the good one.

[PattyG]

Thank you! I think I am just overwhelmed with the idea of her with this girl... .   I had suspicions... .   but she has continued to deny them. I did download the pics... .   she was in a bar with a drink in her hand, arms around her. I also printed the Facebook post that called me a b*tch. I figure IF it gets past the first court date, I have evidence that she is still drinking. She has had treatment for alcoholism. Also we can not have a friendly relationship if she is posting things like that on facebook. I think I have done ambivalent NC, I think somewhere in the back of my heart I thought we might work this out. Stupid.

[ForeverDad]

Also we can not have a friendly relationship if... .  

In most cases, continuing as friends or acquaintances doesn't work.  The dysfunction will still be there.  Either you get drawn back in or you're royally roasted over and over.  Or both.

Once the legal issues are concluded, sad to say, your life will be much simpler, calmer and safer if she and the relationship are left in the past.  And if there is contact, then no closer than "arms length" - from a distance - or she'll find a way to get her hooks into you again.

Disordered F.O.G. ... .   Fear, Obligation, Guilt

[PattyG]

I guess I wasn't clear... .   I want the court to know it isn't amicable, or friendly. To prove she has basically split me black and therefore shouldn't have influence on my kids.

I do have a counselor I see weekly. She has been a great help.

[momtara]

I think it's good to hold on to the post calling you a btch.  Take a photo of the page with it on there, too.