Attorney for Children

[Mind]

I was notified the children were appointed an attorney and she is requesting she meets with me first, then the children next week.  What is this about?  What can I expect? What types of things do I say? 

[ForeverDad]

An attorney for the children is usually called a Guardian ad Litem (GAL).

Your attorney is looking out for your interests.  Your spouse's attoney is looking out for spouse's interests.  Ostensibly both lawyers should also have the children's interests in mind as well - I'm not a lawyer so I may be mistaken - but it's certainly not their primary duty.

So it's good the children have an attorney.  The next question is, how qualified, experienced and perceptive is that lawyer?  Could the lawyer be influenced (conned) by the misbehaving spouse's unsubstantiated allegations and emotional posturing?

I know in regard to my child's GAL, I have concluded that the children's interests are high on the list but still colored by feeling bad for the problem parent.  Somehow and to some level of greater or lesser extent (1) the problem parent's behaviors are minimized and (2) the problem parent's rights are given surprising attention.  It's almost like the GAL becomes a mediatior, seeking a middle ground even if the problems are nearly all caused by one parent.

In summary, it's good the children have a lawyer but keep on top of it, your information and concerns are important to keep the case on track and not derailed or diverted.

[Deb]

When my dBPD sister was getting her last divorce, her daughter was given a GAL who was a lawyer. Origionally, she had some sympathy for my sister as my sister told her we were all ganging up on her. In fact, after the GAL spoke to me, she let me know she thought I wasn't truthful. However, after she spoke to my sister's oldest children, her tune began to change. And then, my sister, being her usual BPD self, lied and attempted to con the GAL. And refused to co-operate with her. In the end, the GAL decided that my youngest niece's best interests were with her father and said my sister should not even have overnights! So this could be a positive thing. Be sure not to trash your ex, but explain why things worry you. With my sister, she had a habit of getting mad at her kids and locking them outside. In december with no coats. She would bring men around that she did not know well. She was very unstable. I am sure that Matt or someone can help you with things to say to the lawyer that show your concerns without badmouthing your ex.

[Mind]

They didn't explain why she was appointed so I'm understanding this now. I meet with her tomorrow so I'd like to have some bullets prepared. I'm guessing as long as I stick to the facts and explain my concerns I should be okay.

[momtara]

This will add to your expenses, but in the end, it may help you.  Just be careful not to malign your spouse.  Instead, let the facts (or your atty) speak to that. 

[mamachelle]

Sparkle13

How did it go today?

My GAL was really good. She was a mom of older girls and she understood how crazy some of my exBPDH's behaviors were even if they were nothing too scary. Like, I was talking with her about little things going on with my exBPDH... .   like when he tried to not let my DD(then 10) skate the finale of her ice skating show one time because he was in a hurry to take her on his visitation time--- the GAL said, "oh that is ridiculous, my DD skated and there is no way I would make them miss the finale." At that point I knew that we had a connection... .  

I hope you had some good connections with your GAL today.

Others here have had some issues with theirs. They are attorneys, usually, so they need lots of documentation, facts, paperwork and honest observations.

mamachelle

[Mind]

Mamachelle - it went well. She basically wanted to know about the kids, schedules, etc. and we discussed his behavior in depth. The appointment was set up quickly as our court date is Tuesday.

I felt we connected but she didn't comment a ton on things. I guess she meets with him as well. I gave her documentation. My L prepped me ahead of time and gave me tips on what to say so I had a good idea.

What can I expect at court? My L said the Ls sit down to review the order to show just cause. They will present to us and if we don't agree then it goes in front of the judge.

[momtara]

How did you end up getting a GAL appointed?  What prompted this? Just wondering if it will happen in my case.

[Mind]

Momtara- my L arranged for it. I really didn't know much about this and it happened very fast. I guess next is a pre-conference that we both have to attend. I guess it is a good thing.

I've requested he call the kids between 6-7.  He still continues to text me whenever for us to call. So this will have to be spelled out.

[momtara]

Did she let you know in advance?  Those are rather expensive so it seems like she should have told you first.  But maybe in some states you don't have to pay?

[Mind]

She didn't tell me in advance. I'll have to see how payment works but I got the feeling she was appointed, so maybe I won't have to pay?  It happened fast and I know she put a call into his L as well, but hasn't heard back.

[mamachelle]

momtara and Sparkle13,

I believe GAL's are appointed when there is serious disagreement over custody and visitation that needs to be resolved when the 2 parents/attorneys are not able to come to a settlement and the kids are believed to be at some risk because of the fighting or other safety concerns. One of the other advisors here may have more information, but i know I did not have a GAL during the divorce because my exH and I agreed on custody and visitation etc. We did have 1, 4 years later after I filed a motion to seriously limit his visitation ... .  

My GAL accepted payments and cost me about $1500 in the end I think... .     but our process did not get drawn out because my exBPDH fled without paying his half (also $1500)and abandoned the case/kids/state. I live in a large urban/suburban metro area.

Good luck in court today! 

[ForeverDad]

I too did not have a GAL at first, my lawyer said it was a waste of money with little to show for it.  (Looking back, I'm not so sure about that.)  But a couple years after the final decree with Shared Parenting I sought custody.  When a Change of Circumstances determination was made, a GAL was appointed.  The GAL interviewed everyone, made a recommendation and the lawyers told both of us that virtually no matter what we thought or argued, the judge would likely rule in agreement with the GAL.  So we 'settled' for the GAL's recommendation.

[Mind]

The kids had their appointments with the gal. I hope it went okay- I wasn't in the same room when my oldest was talking.

So over the weekend my oldest fell. It wasn't severe, we iced it. She was fine right after. i checked it again before bed then the next day. There is a bruise but she is okay. When we called him at night she told him about it. Of course he asked if I iced it and she said no. Then he asked if I took her to the doctor. Really? He told her to have the nurse look at it. He never asked me anything about it.  He was assuming I didn't take care of it or is trying to make it look like I did something wrong.  Today she tells me Stbexh called her teacher and asked that the nurse check it out. She said the nurse said it was fine. I will be talking to her teacher tomorrow.

My L wants to know anything he is doing regarding communication with the kids so this warrants an email.