Judging time exagerated

[Parents! Get help here!]

I was wondering if anyone else here had this issue. My BPD - ds has always exagerated time, and it is ussually if something happened say 2 weeks ago, he will say it was 2 months ago. Doesn't do this on purpose, but seems to have trouble with calculating time, or judging it, or keeping track? I don't know.

Just wondering... .  

[JKN77]

I was wondering if anyone else here had this issue. My BPD - ds has always exagerated time, and it is ussually if something happened say 2 weeks ago, he will say it was 2 months ago. Doesn't do this on purpose, but seems to have trouble with calculating time, or judging it, or keeping track? I don't know.

Just wondering... .  

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Kate4queen]

I think they just use whatever they have to for the most dramatic effect. Memories are a very flexible thing for BPD, With my son it was always the opposite, This has to happen RIGHT NOW! CRISIS! HELP! SAVE ME!

[Being Mindful]

Definitely experiences this... .  

Another example, if she met somebody for the first time in a parking lot by accidently bumping shopping carts and they exchanged a couple of sentences. That person is described as a "good friend". And, if she never sees them again, they are still a best friend. I once met a mother of one of her friends, and from then on this mom was described as a friend of mine, even though I never saw her socially or talked on the phone.

Same thing with time. It was either over or under but it never seemed intentional or that she was trying to get something out of it. For us, it seemed like a disability of some sort.

Being Mindful

[jellibeans]

this is interesting... . my dd when younger would say everything was tomorrow... .   even if it was yesterday or that very day the event happened... .   I have had her tested for dyslexia but she has never been dx... .   but she does seem to have a problem with sequences... .   time is also something she struggles with. She was in speech therapy for years with younger because she couldn't really form a whole sentence... .   she talked kind of like a cave man... .   saying i go... .   or I eat... .   Math is another thing she really doesn't get... .  

[jaird]

I think this goes to object constancy-out of sight, out of mind.

my ex had two public meltdowns on Facebook, in which she described our affair and how she used to fly up to visit me. We have 60+ friends in common. She now says that she doubts anyone knew we were a couple, LOL.

[mamachelle]

It is so good to read these posts. My SS10 seems to be getting worse at sequences, understanding for example... . that packages will not arrive immediately... .  

His memory of past is either often completely wrong, out of sequence, made up,  or brought up in the wrong context.

I think it does have to do with object constancy and other issues with executive function maybe. ?

[jaird]

It is so good to read these posts. My SS10 seems to be getting worse at sequences, understanding for example... . that packages will not arrive immediately... .  

His memory of past is either often completely wrong, out of sequence, made up,  or brought up in the wrong context.

I think it does have to do with object constancy and other issues with executive function maybe. ?

That makes me wonder if the memory is actually affected in some way. My ex is so forgetful of so many things, and so many other things are twisted and distorted. I wonder if it's actually something organic in the brain. It seems too frequent and pervasive just to be a faulty memory.

[lbjnltx]

Understanding time, timing, and time management may be loosely related to dissociation.  Also, in children and adolescents a great deal of "magical thinking" sometimes occurs... .   "if I wish it, it will be so".  The ability to see the relationship between goal, actions and consequences is inhibited due to immaturity as well as defiencies in brain function.  

Memory problems can also be related back to BPD:

Are Memory Lapses Associated with BPD?

Difficulty with age appropriate time management/time concepts and memory are also symptoms of add/adhd.

[Reality]

Oh dear!

The following statement is going to sound very weird, especially coming from me.  Being Reality, I am rather conservative in much of my thinking; nonetheless, quite honestly, it was if my son never had a sense of time at all.  He was acting according to his own perceptions of time and space.  He was always like this.  We had very old-fashioned daily routines; however, once he was more independent as a teenager, he lost that sense of doing things in a specific time. 

Without a community around him, school, a job, being out and about, he tranced into his own fascinating world.  And I do think it was fascinating.

I know this thinking is way out... .  

Our society labels, yet, honestly, I think, these are very unique souls, yet as a group so similar.

Without consistent daily routines, the neural pathways so necessary for them to stay in our societal reality are not maintained and with their overwhelming natural way to live eccentrically, they stay on the fringes of society.

As I read these posts, I am overwhelmed by all of the knowledge and wisdom here.

Reality

[mamachelle]

Lbj and jaird

Yes, I worry about memory and all of the mentioned issues.  It's so hard, as he gets older, I just see him not meeting the milestones, still magical thinking... .  


Realty,

I tried to keep the spirit of your post in my heart tonight. My SS10 had his cast party for a school musical that he almost didn't perform in ... .   He has a pretty big part and in the last weeks he had told the director (school Social worker) and his teacher he thought the play was stupid and he wanted to quit drama. Somehow we got him back on track and he did it. But it was so hard, he sees the tv and thinks he will be on a commercial or TV show and can't understand the relationship between practice (boring and time consuming) with these shiny faces on TV. His BPDbiomom lives in another state and is in the entertainment industry so it doesn't help with his issues.

Still, I try to keep a positive spin on his behaviors. He is such a difficult kid to parent. Trying to see him as special helps.

Thanks... .  

Mamachelle

[Eclaire5]

Yes, I agree with you mammachelle, it probably has to do with both, object constancy and executive function. My daughter has very poor sense of time, and that's probably why she is always late! It seems like time passes by slower for her because if something happened a few months ago she will say it just happened a few weeks.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[qcarolr]

Reality's reply really hits home for me. The part about managing better within an outside routine. And that perhaps we need to be more accepting of our pwBPD living in their own timeline when this allows them to manage their day to day lives.

I also can understand the thoughts shared by lbj about dissociation - for me this is like going inside without an awareness of the 'world clock'. My dissociation is something I am working on in thereapy - most likely from PTSD issues, not BPD.

My other thought here is that the 3 BPD criteria related to self are indicative of a disconect between the inner world and the outer world, and that both of these can be neurologically compromised in development leading to BPD traits. This 'self-triad' includes a nebulous sense of self (internal r/s) and identity (external r/s); feelings of emptiness; intolerance of aloneness. These are so hard to access and compensate for in treatment, though newer ones like Schema and Mentalization seem to be on the right path.

My DD also tests with moderate to severe NLD (non-verbal learning disability) which is also a right brain dysfunction that impacts math, time, visual-spatial skills... .   This complicates treating her BPD which also has inactivity tendencies in this area of the brain.

Can you tell this is from my mind -- in my heart I ask 'how can I make life better', and know I have to accept DD's reality and adjust my expectations. I will keep putting opportunities in her path though - someday she will choose. Wish I had the knowledge when she was younger, and treatments that we have now existed then.

qcr  

[VeryFree]

Exagerating, making everything dramatic was a habit of my stbxw.

If she was feeling a bit sick, she would behave like she was going to die. Fifteen minutes later she would cook herself a big meal... .  

[js friend]

My dd18 has always struggled with memory issues too. Things that happened quite a while ago she will say happend recently and the other way around, or something that has happened once she will say always happens and no way can anyone convince her otherwise. Even simply organisation and routines that she should have mastered by now continue to cause her problems which I believe is down to the impairment of how her brain works. Her body clock is all over the place too which i think also impacts on memory.

On the other hand i have noticed that if  I or any one makes a remark that she doesnt like or if anyone flippantly promises to do something for her then she can remarkably pull up this information to accuratley give a place and time, and what was happening at the time when it was said which just amazes me.