don't you just long for a little TLC sometimes

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

After 10 years I should be very used to the fact that TLC doesn't exist in my world, however when I am sick which I have been much more than usual lately it would be so nice. First if I don't have a dangling appendage or a hemmhoraging wound I am not sick. I have been sick almost a week but dragging on and trying to keep the house running. Thursday I got a fever of 102 which wiped me out so I went to bed. Friday I was dizzy and fever and severe cough plus GI problems, but I drove him to pick up his new car, then stopped at the drug store. I felt so bad I ended up falling right in front of the door. I went in and got my meds etc but hit my bad knee so now dealing with that too.

Got home and went to bed and didn't jump at the chance to go for a ride. Not once did he ask now I was etc. While I know this isn't going to happen I have a really hard time sometimes when I am sick .

So my question besides the subject is will this ever change? I cannot imagine being older with real age related health problems and being constantly ignored. I actually believe I could die and it could be ignored.

[crazylife]

After 10 years I should be very used to the fact that TLC doesn't exist in my world, however when I am sick which I have been much more than usual lately it would be so nice. First if I don't have a dangling appendage or a hemmhoraging wound I am not sick. I have been sick almost a week but dragging on and trying to keep the house running. Thursday I got a fever of 102 which wiped me out so I went to bed. Friday I was dizzy and fever and severe cough plus GI problems, but I drove him to pick up his new car, then stopped at the drug store. I felt so bad I ended up falling right in front of the door. I went in and got my meds etc but hit my bad knee so now dealing with that too.

Got home and went to bed and didn't jump at the chance to go for a ride. Not once did he ask now I was etc. While I know this isn't going to happen I have a really hard time sometimes when I am sick .

So my question besides the subject is will this ever change? I cannot imagine being older with real age related health problems and being constantly ignored. I actually believe I could die and it could be ignored.

[daze]

Hi CrazyLife,

Sorry to hear you are sick.  Sounds miserable.  Hope you start feeling better soon.

So my question besides the subject is will this ever change?

While I hope for your sake he will change and it will change, based on what I read in the Forum, I don't think it will change.  My uBPDh has narcissistic traits and I think it has to do with lack of empathy.   Does your h have n traits - can't remember?

I actually believe I could die and it could be ignored.

Not a good thing.  There's a reason we're on the Undecided board... .     Seems the move to Leaving seems inevitable at times.  Not sure why I'm putting it off.

Daze

[crazylife]

Thanks for the support. Seems ridiculous to have to get it from people you dont know and cant get it from your spouse. Usually since I have started using SET and some DBT skills things were quiet and uneventful. but the inevitable kick you when you are down has to roar in attempt to eat you alive after kicking you to  a pulp... .   figuratively... .   I obviously have no emotional stamina when I am sick.

No, he will never change. seems like i should either suck it up or leave. Oh well I dont feel up to thinking that thru today.

And yes I absolutely could die and he wouldnt help. I had a reaction  to some medication about 2 years ago and went into laryngospasms in the middle of the night. I went into his room and woke him and he laughed as I was choking and could not speak. After about a minute I went into the bathroom and realized I might die alone.  I passed  out and woke up some time later. i know keep my phone with me ALL THE TIME. He has also laughed at me when I tripped over an extension cord that ran across the room when I was carrying something. His friend  was in the house and crawled his butt and told him that is your wife. Go help her. I dont think he really has a clue, or he is a sociopath... .  

Regardless it has taught me to put my personal safety first.

[daze]

Usually since I have started using SET and some DBT skills things were quiet and uneventful. but the inevitable kick you when you are down has to roar in attempt to eat you alive after kicking you to  a pulp

Quiet and uneventful is good.  I get the kick you when you're down part.

No, he will never change. seems like i should either suck it up or leave. Oh well I dont feel up to thinking that thru today.

I don't feel up to thinking about it today either.  At some point, I'm sure I will accept that uBPDh won't change. Until then... .   that's why we're on the Undecided board.

Code:

I had a reaction  to some medication about 2 years ago and went into laryngospasms in the middle of the night. I went into his room and woke him and he laughed as I was choking and could not speak. After about a minute I went into the bathroom and realized I might die alone.

That's really scary.  He is definitely lacking in the empathy department.  Sociopath or narcissist?  I have no clue other than my h seems to be lacking in empathy at times and it fits in with his narcissistic traits.

Keep posting, CrazyLife!

[crazylife]

Wow, I fell human today for the first time in weeks. No fever, cough improved, and best of all, my knee is better. I think the fall tore loose some adhesion or something. Hurt like crazy on impact but I can walk with out a limp for the first time in 9 months. I guess if I had an empathetic, doting loving husband I would have never had to drag myself to the drug store and wouldn't have fallen and fixed my knee. Never thought I would be thankful for a BPD spouse but for this incident I definitely am.

Of course he woke up in a funk because Sunday morning is porn morning in the living room, his chosen bedroom. The dogs and I were feeling so good we were up extra early... .   guess he will be trying to make me pay for that the rest of the day. Btw he has his own bedroom he refuses to spend time in... . but I am so happy not to be taking nsaids and walking its going to take a whole lot to blow my day.

[daze]

Glad you are feeling better.  Had to laugh about the part where if you had an empathetic husband you wouldn't have fallen and your knee would not be better.