two week emotional vacation

[twojaybirds]

I am working on an emotional 2-week vacation via nc with my dd19.  The nc is my decision.  Since Christmas she has not returned to her baseline and the last two weeks I saw it coming and the last 72 hours it declined quickly.

I ended up calling 911 to go to the bus stop where she was and o'ed.  OF course she was livid, had not taken the pills she had reported to me, the psych eval at the er her released her despite her history in a psych hospital and her history in the er with her as self-reporting suicidal tendencies.   

The details are irrelevant because you have all heard and probably lived the story in one form or another, however now I am tired of her calls, her lies, her histrionic behaviors, her manipulation, and general BS that is al part of BPD. 

I know it will pass.  I know she has already moved on to the next things whatever that may be, but I need to recoup, regroup and  remove myself her contact for a few weeks.   I am tired. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[griz]

tjb:  I can identify with being so tired that you just need to disconnect.  Since my DD is only 18 and lives at home with us sometimes it is hard but there were times when I just went to my room and closed my door and went to sleep for the night.  I needed to disconnect, get some rest and recharge my batteries.  I think it is good for you to disconnect for a while. Take some time for YOU. Do what you need to to nuture yourself.

Here's a big hug to start nuturing with   

Griz

[jellibeans]

two jaybirds

I never underestimate the benefits of a vacation... .   we all need this... .   pwBPD are a huge drain at times so I think it is good that you are putting yourself first. Stepping back and regrouping and resting.

BUT... .   I am wondering how you are going to do this? At times I tried this with my dd15 on a small scale... .   like going to my room or even leaving the house to get away for a short period of time... .   I am not sure I did this right at all. I think it made my dd more upset... .   she did not feel I was there for her to listen to (and verbally abuse) So I am wondering how you plan on going about this without totally pissing her off and taking everything to the next level. Don't get me wrong... .   I think it is something you need for yourself but I also wonder about how this might backfire on you?

Sending a hug your way... .   sounds like you have been through a lot... .    

[qcarolr]

I have used the "medium chill" strategy when I need to self-protect from my DD26. It is only a temporary measure while I get myself grounded again. Sometimes it makes things a bit worse, then things calm a bit. I am the one leaving the house to get the break as she refuses to take a time out in her room or away with a friend. Sometimes after I leave she leaves and may be gone for a day or two. And she may stay angry. When I feel stronger, and she shifts into a better place then the validation piece can work again.

A more constructive strategy, and one that I struggle to practice when i am anxious, depressed, exhausted is mindfulness. This allows me to step back and still be present. My tendency is to step back and back and back - maybe this is dissocation, maybe just intensely chilled. Here is a good link to the dbpselfhelp article:

www.dbtselfhelp.com/What_Skills.pdf

qcr