I have a large amount of Anxiety

[Depression = 72% of members]

I have had a lot of anxiety lately, more than usual. I think a lot of it has to do with my BPD husband however I know I have always been someone who has battled anxiety. I am a face picker, after a little research I found out it is a serious anxiety disorder. I have done it since I was 12-13, I've also always been painfully shy. I am trying to be aware of it and have done much better at stopping when I notice what I am doing except for the shy stuff, I can't turn that off. It's made me realize that I am no more healthy than my husband when it comes to mental stuff. I have read the stuff on mindfulness on this site and it's helped some. Is there anything else I can do that will help me with my anxiety. It's gotten to the point where I am taking a bath every night to try and relax. I usually bathe in the morning so this is two baths a day. My husband hasn't been wonderful lately but he's acutally been better than usual so I can't say it's because of him. It's me, and I know my anxiety reads with my husband and makes him funky too. Any idea's? I would like to get counceling but it's not really possible at the moment but I need to do something.

[Cloudy Days]

I have had a lot of anxiety lately, more than usual. I think a lot of it has to do with my BPD husband however I know I have always been someone who has battled anxiety. I am a face picker, after a little research I found out it is a serious anxiety disorder. I have done it since I was 12-13, I've also always been painfully shy. I am trying to be aware of it and have done much better at stopping when I notice what I am doing except for the shy stuff, I can't turn that off. It's made me realize that I am no more healthy than my husband when it comes to mental stuff. I have read the stuff on mindfulness on this site and it's helped some. Is there anything else I can do that will help me with my anxiety. It's gotten to the point where I am taking a bath every night to try and relax. I usually bathe in the morning so this is two baths a day. My husband hasn't been wonderful lately but he's acutally been better than usual so I can't say it's because of him. It's me, and I know my anxiety reads with my husband and makes him funky too. Any idea's? I would like to get counceling but it's not really possible at the moment but I need to do something.

[Somewhere]

Dunno if it will help, but I use this type "self-awareness" as something like a dashboard warning light or gauge.

If my anxiety gauge is reading high, or anxiety warning light is on, then, like you, I can know that something is not right.

On the other end of the dash board is my g.o.d. gauge or light.  (stands for Good Orderly Direction).  I find that it usually is reading low when the anxiety gauge is high.

Figured this stuff out in Alanon.

So I stop and get some g.o.d. back in the tank, and things settle down.

hmmmm, my noon Call to Prayer (set my phone to alarm/call me) at 8 am, noon and 4 pm) just went off.  Must be time for a Fill-up.

Yunno, at this point, I am sort of thankful for Mrs. Somewhere's crazy-crap for  pushing me and the kids over to the g.o.d. side of things.

All Things Work Together For Good . . .

[seeking balance]

I have had a lot of anxiety lately, more than usual. I think a lot of it has to do with my BPD husband however I know I have always been someone who has battled anxiety. I am a face picker, after a little research I found out it is a serious anxiety disorder. I have done it since I was 12-13, I've also always been painfully shy. I am trying to be aware of it and have done much better at stopping when I notice what I am doing except for the shy stuff, I can't turn that off. It's made me realize that I am no more healthy than my husband when it comes to mental stuff. I have read the stuff on mindfulness on this site and it's helped some. Is there anything else I can do that will help me with my anxiety. It's gotten to the point where I am taking a bath every night to try and relax. I usually bathe in the morning so this is two baths a day. My husband hasn't been wonderful lately but he's acutally been better than usual so I can't say it's because of him. It's me, and I know my anxiety reads with my husband and makes him funky too. Any idea's? I would like to get counceling but it's not really possible at the moment but I need to do something.

Have you tried utilizing the DBT approach?  They are using this with more than just BPD these days.

Simple things such as diet, exercise and sleep help with anxiety.  Mindfulness (as used in dbt), yoga,  and meditation are great too.

Finally, radical acceptance is something that I apply myself.  Rather than judging "taking a bath every night", kinda just accepting this is a tool - a healthy tool.  I got a hot tub for this purpose - and I use it.  We are who we are and accepting that we may need to do certain things to be at our optimum level of operating is really not a bad thing unless we judge ourselves.  Radical Acceptance of who we are too.

Peace,

SB

[Mara2]

I also have a problem with anxiety that I am battling.  I'm finding help at mood gym- it helps you see how you think about things. 

You said that your husband has been better than usual lately- are you worried about something that might happen?  Sometimes when our spouses are doing well we start waiting for the other shoe to drop and it causes anxiety. 

Are there other things that stress you out that you are worried about?  Sometimes recognizing the source can help us to minimize it. 

I think if you are feeling anxious a bath is a good idea!  I'm also trying to add other things that I enjoy into my schedule.  For me, I got out my camera to try some photography, I'm reading novels that I've always wanted to, I'm sewing more for pleasure, and small things like lighting a scented candle when working on the computer.  These things help me to relax. 

[Cloudy Days]

Thanks for the suggestions, I seem to have anxiety even when I shouldn't. Maybe I was reading into my husband. I didn't have to wait long, I had a pretty terrible night last night. My husband decided to wake me up at 2:00 in the morning to pick a fight with me. I wasn't fighting, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have the ability to keep me awake. He hasn't done this for like 6 months, He's been in therapy and I thought he was doing better. That's why I didn't think it was my husband. What really sucks is that I have a hobby that I really love to do, we have a small house and our hobby room is shared so if he is in a mood then I'm cut off from what I would normally do to calm myself. I guess I need to find something that I can do anywhere.

I think I'm going to look through my husbands DBT book, I have been trying the mindfulness thing on this site. It helps to calm me down when I am really upset but I need more than one tool I guess.

[charred]

You might get "Rewirig your Brain for Love" its a mindfulness book with a lot of exercises you can do, and I found the exercises helped to stop ruminating and being anxious. In fact I am less stressed than any time in my life... . have been diagnosed ADHD and been on meds since I was a kid... . and now I think it might have been fidgeting due to anxiety, since without the anxiety I don't seem to have much of a problem concentrating... .  most the time. Eckart Tolle's "A New Earth" was the first mindfulness book I read (at request of my T)... . and it is very good, but doesn't have anything in the way of exercises to get better at mindfulness.

Good luck.

[Cloudy Days]

I've never thought of fidgeting as an axiety issue either. I actually fidget a lot, I am also a face picker goes along with fidgeting but it's also considered an anxiety disorder. I just now realized that's what it is, I've done it ever since I was 12-13. I will deffinatly have to check out your first book suggestion, I need to do something. I think I would be ok if I didn't have the added stress of my husband but I just can't cope when I have to deal with him too along with everything else. I actually told my husband last night I feel so ugly because of my acne and face picking. His response was "Wah, wah, wah, go cry about it" he was supposidly ok at that moment, what a total slap in the face.

[Diligence]

Dear Cloudy Days,

I worry over my complexion too.  I did not realize it is a sign of anxiety but that fits.   

When I left my xuNPDh, my children and I moved in with my parents.  I was in so much marital pain that clarity about my relationship with my parents was obscure.  Clarity returned after we had been with them for a while.  I knew about the alcoholism but thought it was in remission.  I did not know about BPD until 2011.  (What an amazing revelation about my family of origin dynamics!)

Trying to cope with my emotionally knotted mess, I began seeing a therapist.  She suggested that I locate places of refuge and peace that I could use to remove myself from toxic home-life.  My children and I practiced this and it helped.  Are there locations outside your home that you can go to that may provide temporary refuge and comfort?

I used to think that people who park somewhere and sit in their cars are weird.  But, guess what.  Occasionally, I enjoy finding a safe, comfortable place to park and listen to an audio book, journal, read, talk on the phone, enjoy a frozen yogurt, or nap.  I do not do it often, but when I do, it is nice.  Sometimes after work, when I feel especially tired, I will drive home but remain in my car for a bit.  I sit there and listen to music or an audio book.  (Audio books are my driving treat.  I reserve them only for the car.)

Living in a high anxiety environment is discouraging and draining.  I consider the small home I now live in as my private oasis.  I wish you peace, Cloudy Days.   

Warm regards!

[charred]

Love books on tape... . traveled all the time for my consulting work... . flew over 120k miles year before last, and could just relax and listen while driving/flying. Now that I have been working from home mostly, don't listen to them much anymore. They didn't reduce my anxiety much that I noticed... .  the mindfulness did once I kept at it and really learned to relax and stay in the present. I had a few scripts for anti-anxiety meds before... .  they made me feel weird, had trouble sleeping and felt way off,  so personally I favor mindfulness.

[Cloudy Days]

I think I am actually going to try a book on Codependency first. I have done some soul searching the last few days and I think if I take care of some of my issues on codependency then I can learn to relax some more. I will deffinaly look out for that tape on mindfulness! That would be perfect for me if I can get something like it on my ipod. I am learning more and more about my dysfuctional self. I used to think I was pretty healthy, I'm realizing I am far from it. heck part of Codependency is that you think you are being the stable one in the relationship. I think what opened my eyes the most is the face picking thing. It's like a compulsion to me and I have done it way before I ever met my husband. I also read something about Codepency and being painfully shy, fits my personality to a T, been painfully shy my entire life, now that I think about it, being shy is all about worring what others think of you. Codependency is all about others opinions of you too 

[charred]

I found the book "Facing Codependence" to be far more informative than the Beattie books.

Aso have found the books on tape versions of non-fiction to be very short of content... . you read the book and it seems like only about 1/3 of it ends up on the tape version. I don't learn very well from material on tape... . so it could be me... . enjoy listening to stories on tape, and try to get non-abridged versions.

Painfully shy is tough... . was that way in Jr. HS, but seem to have grown out of it for the most part... . took a few sales jobs and it did wonders... . people coming up to you to talk all day... . a few simple techniques so you know what to say and the shy kind of fades... . I know 3-4 other people that were real shy and took sales jobs and changed. My ex-mother in law went 180 degrees, she was an artist afraid to speak to anyone, started selling part time in a vitamin store, came out of her shell, did corporate sales and now is pretty much an extrovert. On just this one thing... .  I have not seen good results from a T... . but having done sales and seen others transform... . its a practical way to get out of your shell. Issue with a T is they will want you to do something to approach people... .  and that is terrifying if you are real shy. If you have expertise in something (flowers, computers, books, new-age, whatever)... . sales of something you know about is easier than what the T wants... . and you can get paid... . and you will gain insights in to human behavior that will serve you well. I am talking about selling retail... . calling on people and doing outside sales is of course terrifying.