So sad today

[Parents! Get help here!]

DH and I were both feeling so upbeat and encouraged these past couple of weeks.  13 y/o DD was communicating through tears and words about her concerns and over the weekend, had lots of time with a friend from her softball team - an excellent player, good student, all the way around good role model.  They enjoyed each other's company Saturday and Sunday.  We even picked up some subs from Publix and took them down to the beach on Sunday evening for a picnic where they also just ran around and had a really good time.  Then today at school I get a call from an adult friend of hers, a former 20 something co-worker (teacher) who is also an adoptee and with whom DD really hit it off immediately.  She told DD she understands what its like to be adopted and she could contact her anytime, day or night. Turns out that DD texted her last night and sent a picture.  About midnight after everyone else was in bed she cut herself again on her arms and admitted to purging her dinner in a restroom while we were there at beach.  She did go in there, but its been weeks since she has given us any indication that there has been purging and her weight is stable right now.  Things were looking so up!  There has been nothing that we know of going on to cause this.  She is finishing school at home on the computer, she is involved in travel softball, helping coach a rec team with her last year's coach, voice lessons and youth group, so she's busy and is passionate about all of those things!  She finally has a nice friend who was goofing off and laughing with her in her room Saturday night.  I just don't get it!

Thanks for listening!

[BioAdoptMom3]

DH and I were both feeling so upbeat and encouraged these past couple of weeks.  13 y/o DD was communicating through tears and words about her concerns and over the weekend, had lots of time with a friend from her softball team - an excellent player, good student, all the way around good role model.  They enjoyed each other's company Saturday and Sunday.  We even picked up some subs from Publix and took them down to the beach on Sunday evening for a picnic where they also just ran around and had a really good time.  Then today at school I get a call from an adult friend of hers, a former 20 something co-worker (teacher) who is also an adoptee and with whom DD really hit it off immediately.  She told DD she understands what its like to be adopted and she could contact her anytime, day or night. Turns out that DD texted her last night and sent a picture.  About midnight after everyone else was in bed she cut herself again on her arms and admitted to purging her dinner in a restroom while we were there at beach.  She did go in there, but its been weeks since she has given us any indication that there has been purging and her weight is stable right now.  Things were looking so up!  There has been nothing that we know of going on to cause this.  She is finishing school at home on the computer, she is involved in travel softball, helping coach a rec team with her last year's coach, voice lessons and youth group, so she's busy and is passionate about all of those things!  She finally has a nice friend who was goofing off and laughing with her in her room Saturday night.  I just don't get it!

Thanks for listening!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[cleanandsober]

So sorry to hear about this, but in hindsight, it also sounds like you have a lot to be thankful for.  Try not to let one relapse erase all of the good things that have been happening.  My 15 yr. old D can go months w/o cutting and than just out of the blue it happens.  Don't give up hope, she sounds like such a lovely girl with so many positive things going for her.   Sometimes it just is "what it is", and we don't have all of the answers.  Peace and love to you and your family... .  

[pessim-optimist]

Hi BioAdoptMom3,

so sad to see a set-back... .     

I don't have experience in this, but as I read your post, it occurred to me that maybe your dd was having a good time, but at the same time, maybe being around her friend may have triggered feelings of inferiority, fear and shame in your dd?

(you say that she is an excellent player, good student, and all they way around good role model)

Could that be intimidating for your dd? Or, could she be unsure of herself, thinking that this friendship is too good to last?

You said that you found out from a friend. So I assume your dd doesn't know you know.

Do you feel like you would like to have a conversation of some sorts, not telling your dd that you know, and seeing if she will confide in you?

Do you think you could offer her support either way, whether she tells you or not?

[nickyg]

It's so hard knowing your child is doing this aye.  It also makes me sad that my daughter is purging.

One thing occurs to me from your story is that your daughter has someone she can talk to about this.  This is good and sometimes just the telling is enough to make things a bit better because if it's all kept a secret it's even more painful.  This person may be a very good resource for your daughter.

Hang in there

[lbjnltx]

I think all the responses you have received thus far hold value and truth that is applicable or possibly applicable.

My thought to share with you is:

One day of 'not so good' doesn't erase all the good days that came before it nor determine this day or the days to come.


 

[BioAdoptMom3]

Thank you so much to my BPD family   angels   for making me feel so much better