no agreement during divorce

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

My hubby was THIS close to signing a really good agreement to pay me an amount monthly, and setting down parenting time boundaries.  But his lawyer talked him out of it.  As we go forward, we have no agreement.  He is out of the house, but he sees the kids on some weekends. 

I don't want to go to court for an agreement; it will cost me the same amount of money that I would get for several months (my husband doesn't have a lot, so it's almost not worth it).  But I'd really like an agreement in place.

What do I have to worry about if there's no agreement in place?  (I know he can theoretically kidnap the kids or something, but that seems unlikely as he can't really take care of them alone for very long.)

[momtara]

My hubby was THIS close to signing a really good agreement to pay me an amount monthly, and setting down parenting time boundaries.  But his lawyer talked him out of it.  As we go forward, we have no agreement.  He is out of the house, but he sees the kids on some weekends. 

I don't want to go to court for an agreement; it will cost me the same amount of money that I would get for several months (my husband doesn't have a lot, so it's almost not worth it).  But I'd really like an agreement in place.

What do I have to worry about if there's no agreement in place?  (I know he can theoretically kidnap the kids or something, but that seems unlikely as he can't really take care of them alone for very long.)

[momtara]

... . to clarify, we're separated and the divorce is going through the sloow process it goes thru.

[ForeverDad]

My ex was extremely possessive of 'her' child, had a history of majority parenting time and didn't earn anything significant.  She claimed she "worked from home" but by then was out of the house and during the divorce she reported only a small percentage of what someone working full time earning minimum wage would have made.  For her, parenting (her version) was 99.9% of her focus.  So I had no choice but to be equally assertive in order to remain a father.

In your case, if he's not seeking majority time, is actually seeing them less than what would be otherwise ordered and is not causing significant problems or chaos, I'd lean toward letting the status quo continue without the expense of an order.  Then, by the time the court does get around to making an order, you would have clear documentation that you are the majority time parent and the court might even want to order the current schedule to continue.

He's apparently not paying much, if any, support now?  I'd guess you need to weigh the lost support against the added legal fees to try to get an order sooner.

But there may be a silver lining for you that he may not have anticipated.  Unless you agree to block it, it's likely the court will eventually order child support and the court might make child support retroactive back to the divorce filing date.  (I'm not very positive about getting retroactive spousal support.)  That's what my court did, but it only involved two months.  If the court does order retroactive support, don't feel sorry for him.  If need be, you can ask the judge to have the retroactive payments paid in installments rather than one large lump sum.  Beware of our known Good Guy / Good Gal tendencies toward being far too nice, far too fair, far too whatever... .   don't give him a break unless there's a very good reason to do so.

[marbleloser]

Agree completely with FD.

[DivDad]

You can try the mediation route.

Most states have court appt mediators.

Cost less... .  and you can get a  parenting scheduling out of it.

Blines like an audience.  Especially if it's someone new in the room.

My attorney was versed in Blines... .  and had the mediation negotions... .  where I was in one room and my Bline ex was in another room.

The attorneies ferried proposals back and forth.

It keeps you focused and take the grandstanding from the Bline.

[momtara]

Yeah, I can try to keep the status quo.  I think it's not worth going to court.

Only problem is that he causes such headaches when he gets into anxious moods, telling me he wants to see the kids - and I scramble to get them ready - and the he doesn't show up, and claims I am "withholding" them.  So I have to keep documenting everything and it gets annoying.

I guess continuing the status quo works for now.  He gives me some money voluntarily, so that's better than nothing.

[momtara]

That's sort of why I wanted a parenting schedule stating when he is taking them, when he has to give notice, etc.  I would have liked to get it on the record that he only wants a little parenting time.  Because he will change his mind later.  Regardless, I guess I still have the upper hand.

[DivDad]

Blines like chaos.

Even an iron clad parenting schedule does not deter a Bline from creating chaos with a court schedule.

The only person a Bline listens to... .  is a judge.

[ForeverDad]

The only person (authority) a Bline listens to... .  is a judge... .  and in my experience judges try to say as little as possible.

[scraps66]

Think I might consider something else here if I'm understanding correctly.  I'm dealing with a similar situation but going the other direction, ex working, but reducing her schedule and income accordingly = me paying more and her more time with kids.

But, my point, if he sets the precedent for nto working, or working very little, that may become the de facto baseline for his income if left to linger over time.  The idea is that he is always seeking to maintain gainful employment.

It also seems there are two issues, support and the lack of a parenting plan or a custody order?  This does not provide much structure.  Just allowing him to demand the kids at his whim is a difficult moving target to work with.  Granted, it may be working fine right now because he's not asking to have them much, but what if he starts pesterign and asking for them every other day?  That would be a pain.