Thinking of DD26 as a bully - fits her emotional age of 15

[qcarolr]

A quick thought distracting me at work. I have used these words with DD the past few days as we have limited her access to our home. "I will not accept/be a victim of your bullying behaviors anymore."

She seems to get this - she has zero come-back. So aha    this fits her emotional age right now of 15. This is how she has been acting in the on/off r/s with bfM, with gd7 with dh and with me. She seems to be accepting that she cannot live at home -- she is homeless with bfM who prefers being homeless.

We will see if she is able to go to any of her 'opportunity appointments' this week. Job counselor, probation, mental health meds. provider.

qcr  

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jellibeans]

I told my dd recently that she was trying to bully me... .  she really took offense to that... .  really angry... .  but at least she heard me.

[qcarolr]

The word 'bully' has a meaning for all kids. It is a less toxic word to use than abuse or assault -- less legal right drama around it. And it fits for me that there is such pain on both sides of bullying behaviors.

Another key for me is that bullying is defined as an ongoing pattern of behaviors.

Protect the victims - have compassion for the pain the bully is projecting in these behaviors. Teach the victims strategies to cope with bullies -- they will be there in all our lives in one way or another. Hold bully accountable for effects of their actions. Teach the bully other ways to manage their pain. Protect the victims.

I can manage all this so much better with DD26 living out of my home. Protecting the victims so they can learn better ways to cope with the bully.

qcr  

[BioAdoptMom3]

I think that was an excellent and meaningful way to put it to her!    and continued prayers!